zetkin Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 My mother is a control addict. She always has to know where I am, when I will be home (no matter is it day or night) and so on. And she demands me to call her ALWAYS. I often forget to do this cause I am 23 years old and have my own life and things to think about. So then she becomes pissed, she doesn’t talk to me for days. I'm so fed up with this. I can never explain her why I didn’t call as she doesn't want to listen to me and I always turn out to be wrong and she is right. What would you advise to do with this situation?
quankanne Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 don't engage in her mind-games. When she ignores you, don't take it personally, but go about your way, so that when she DOES finally call you, treat it like a pleasant surprise. If she starts carrying on, very firmly but kindly tell her that you've enjoyed chatting while you could, but that you're not going to listen to her harangues because y'all have better things you could talk about. I know it must upset her both as a mom and a control-freak, so you've got to remember to deal with the mom side of her. And sometimes that means being the grown up in the situation and taking control. At some point, when you've stood your ground and not given in to her annoying behavior, she'll have a grudging respect for you. That's not to say that she'll like it, but it will be there! hugs, q
Sazerac Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Do you live with your mom? Although I do think, from your description, that she is being rather controlling, she may be worrying about you if you're coming in late. If you don't live with her, then her demands are inexcusable. Being independent means just that. Do not give in to her demands that you account for every moment of your time. Your mom seriously needs to get a life outside of her kid(s). If you do still live with her, consider moving out as soon as possible. I know with the current economy it's difficult, but you'd probably be a lot happier in the long run. Best of luck!
Author zetkin Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 Do you live with your mom? Although I do think, from your description, that she is being rather controlling, she may be worrying about you if you're coming in late. If you don't live with her, then her demands are inexcusable. Being independent means just that. Do not give in to her demands that you account for every moment of your time. Your mom seriously needs to get a life outside of her kid(s). If you do still live with her, consider moving out as soon as possible. I know with the current economy it's difficult, but you'd probably be a lot happier in the long run. Best of luck! Yes, I do live with her now and we usually are in really good terms and I spend a lot of time with her. Since last two years she became my best friend. Before that I was never too open with her, but now I tell her everything, well... almost everything. But I am moving to another country in just a few month (for two years, but it might happen that forever)))) - may be that is why she is freaking out, and also the fact that she got used to having me around all the time. She says - she is worrying about me coming home late - but I don't consider 9 or 10 late. And she also freaks out when I am not coming after work at my usual time. Last time she did it, I managed to solve it pretty easy - I called her next time I was not coming home at my usual time, told her about the reasons, also told her I have important news I wanted to share with her (it was really like that) and she was fine. But sometimes it takes weeks to beg her pardon))) And it's so infuriating((((((
Shindig Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I think you're right, it sounds like she's having some separation anxiety at your impending freedom. Is counseling an option? It probably won't get better for her after you leave. It might get better for you. Did that make sense?
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