confused_pjl Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Its bee a while since I've posted a thread on here. I've been doing really well. For those of you out there who are going through a hard time with your breakup, there is hope. You must go NC, as hard as it will be. Check my previous posts if you haven't read them and you will see what I was going through. I won't lie, the Ex still pops into my head many times, everyday. However, my emotional response to those thoughts and images is a lot stronger. I am still bothered by the fact that she was able to find happiness (or so I assume) so quickly. Today is her birthday. I have no desire to contact her or send her a happy birthday note/ msg. I will not bother. It does make me a little sad that I'm not celebrating it with her. I always made a big deal out of her birthday. Really, she should be sad she isn't celebrating it with me. Anyway, its tough at times but I feel my self getting stronger everyday. I read my previous posts recently and the pain I was going through seems like it was a dream. Its almost like I was in a comma as I don't remember what I did to get through each day. My mother (who loves snooping on Facebook no matter how many times I tell her not to) was looking at my Ex's pics last night and called me. She wanted me to go check out this picture because apparently my Ex looks HORRIBLE. She's become a totally difference person, which doesn't surprise me. I had no urge to see the photo and didn't bother to look. Its been over 3 months since the split with my Ex and I haven't seen her, which is fantastic and I hope I don't see her. Seeing her photos and/or seeing her out somewhere would still bother me and make me sad. My focus is on me right now and I want to keep it that way. Stay strong, it DOES get better. Trust me. I never thought I would get through it. I'm still getting through it but I'm so much closer to the light now. Keep this in mind, "Life may not always give you what you want, but it always gives you what you need".
carhill Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 For my last celebration of stbx's BD, about a month before we separated, I held a 'forever not 50' 50th BD party for her at a local restaurant. I always enjoyed doing special things for her on her BD because it was an important day *to her*. A year later, with the divorce almost final, I totally forgot what day her BD was. That's acceptance and moving on. I'll be 51 tomorrow and will spend the day, like most, alone working and living life in the country. Very little in that regard has changed, even from being married. I guess that's part of why I don't miss it too much. Life goes on
Author confused_pjl Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 Last night, after my post I went to my softball game. I've been playing for years. I actually got my Ex to start playing a bit last year. Anyways, this was the LAST place I would ever expect to bump into my Ex and her new BF. Sure enough, I bump into them. I showed up to our game 30 mins early with a friend. I immediately noticed her new BF playing second base for one of the teams that was playing before us. I panicked and starting looking around to make sure I didn't bump into my Ex. I didn't see her anywhere, phew. I was relieved. Then, I started doing my stretches. At this point I had already been there 15 minutes. As I was doing my stretches I looked in the field and sure enough, there was my ex, playing. I hardly recognized her. I had to ask my friend if it was her or not. I made no effort to look in either of there direction. This was the first time we had seen each other since the day we broke up. The last time she saw me I was 32 lbs heavier, pale and had a beard. It felt good on my part to know that I looked a hell of a lot better than I did when I was with her. Her on the other hand, not so much. I'm very happy with my reaction because I didn't feel really sad or angry. All of the members of my ball team are my friends and used to be her friends. I'm sitting on a little bit of joy knowing it must have been hard on her to see all of these people she used to hang out with and NONE of them acknowledge she existed. No one gave her any attention, no one even looked in her direction. According to my friend she walked an arms length away from me and was staring the entire time. What did bother me was when her BF met up with her and I saw them walking away. He put his arm around her and kissed her head. I turned away and when I looked back they were at least 3 feet apart. I'm not sure if she pushed him away or not. Either way, seeing that has been eating at me all day. And of all the days, her birthday.
velouria123 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Wow. You have heart my friend. I don't think I couldve played. My heart would implode. You really are an inspiration confused. You should be proud of how well you handled it man. They knew you were there and anything that was done was done for a reaction. You won man. I'd be vert happy if I were you.
yume Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I hardly recognized her. I had to ask my friend if it was her or not. Why? Did she gain weight? Dye her hair? What?
Author confused_pjl Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Thanks, It was hard but I stayed strong. It hit me harder today than it did yesterday. I'm happy with the way it turned out. As for her, she did gain weight, dyed her hair blood red and from what I've been told has gotten into drugs. Its funny because our friends were all talking about how awful she looked in their own conversations. I just overheard, lol. Two of the girls that were there with us work with my Ex and I overheard them talking about some of her pics on facebook and how horrible she looks and how she puts up really immature pics. It makes me feel good to know that I am doing things to better myself and she has really, really lowered herself. Everything has a way of working itself back around.
Author confused_pjl Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 My mom just called me and told me my Ex sent her a Facebook message wishing her a Happy Mothers Day. My mom and my Ex were very close. My mother was more of a mother to my Ex than her own mother was. She said in her message that she misses the talks they used to have. My mother was crying when she called me. What should I tell my mother to do. My mom wants to respond but she knows about me doing NC and won't reply if I ask her not to. My mother hasn't talked to her or anything since I started NC as well. What do you think? Should I tell my mom to ignore it or just make sure she doesn't say anything about me in her reply. Thoughts? P.s. Its also weird that she would send that message when my mother didn't even wish her a happy birthday.
northstar1 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 My mom just called me and told me my Ex sent her a Facebook message wishing her a Happy Mothers Day. My mom and my Ex were very close. My mother was more of a mother to my Ex than her own mother was. She said in her message that she misses the talks they used to have. My mother was crying when she called me. What should I tell my mother to do. My mom wants to respond but she knows about me doing NC and won't reply if I ask her not to. My mother hasn't talked to her or anything since I started NC as well. What do you think? Should I tell my mom to ignore it or just make sure she doesn't say anything about me in her reply. Thoughts? P.s. Its also weird that she would send that message when my mother didn't even wish her a happy birthday. Will it bother you if your mom replies with a simple thank you? If so, ask her not to. I'm sure she understands. If it doesn't, then I think it's fine if your mom acknowledges the greetings and nothing else. I do understand your ex's motivation. If she doesn't have a mother figure, then your mom obviously was important to her. With a prior ex, I was very close to her family and they treated me very well and I did wish her a happy mothers day after the breakup. I didn't mention my ex or say anything that made me look angry/bitter etc. She thanked me and wished me well.
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