jc3113 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Broke up with my girlfriend back in late august before sophomore year in college would start with us. Reasoning was logic that really doesn't make sense anymore (me assuming things would end anyway, and her being really really into me, I didnt want her to get more absorbed and get even more hurt when it eventually ended. stupid selfless kind of stuff that doesnt make any sense in hindsight.) It was our first relationship, first kiss, first everything. It hit her very very hard. But, I also said no contact to make things easier, so we didnt talk for months. She started dating someone else in the months after, where she was sure not to get all that attached after all that happened. My confidence in my reasoning would slowly wane, to the point where I did tell come back to talk to her, and we started talking a bit. Eventually, I told her I made a mistake, the reasoning for the breakup, and how I wanted to try again (at which point i was going through lots of internal turmoil). She was still with the other dude, which she admitted wasn't nearly as strong as ours could have been, but wasn't really bad. For the next few months, she was as confused as she'd ever been trying to decide what she wants. We would talk daily as much as we did in the past, but she would still stay with him, and though he knew I came back and all, she didn't tell him the full extent of the situation. Eventually, she did. Eventually, we started hanging out in person, which led to some physical things, which felt different as one would expect. A few weeks ago, she broke up with him, which was not easy for her, and basically gave me a second chance, though not officially. We spent the next two weeks together, sleeping together and all, until semester ended and we had to come home. Those weeks- some days we were both happy, I was happy, she seemed happy. Others, she would break down, and admit she doesn't know what she's doing, doesnt know if any decision she made was the right one, doesnt know if she wants me, nothing feels the same. It would go back and forth like that. We started saying I love you, which we hadn't said last year (we had, but decided not to, it was too early and we didn't really feel it, or at least I didn't think I did). Saturday, we came home. Saturday, she remained as unsure as ever. Sunday, she seemed much better. She said I love you a couple times, that she missed me, basically it seemed like it had been in the past. We arranged a trip for a few days back up north to see a show, would spend a week or so together, everything seemed much better. Then we talked yesterday again, she is totally unsure. She wonders if she says things like I love you only for my benefit, because she knows how miserable i've been and wants to try to make me happy. She doesn't know how she feels, or why she says things like that. Being with me is comfortable, but being with me in a relationshippy sense is awkward and different, not as good. Kissing me feels not as good. Nothing's the same and it really bothers her. She misses the other dude. Not only because it was so simple to be with him, but because she still likes and cares about him. He has always been emotionally bereft, but they talked yesterday, and it seems his emotions are much stronger than he made it seem, which may have been a reason they broke up. She's basically unintentionally leading me on, and has been for months, where she still doesn't know what she wants, or what to do. It has been horribly taxing on me, just the worst thing I have ever gone through in my life. Grades this semester are dreadful. I'm pretty sure i'm generally depressed. I have hardly any control on the situation, but am still hopeful enough to hang on. I love the girl. I've never loved anyone, and I've never opened up to let anyone love me until now, and I really don't want to lose it. It has felt like it could still work, it has still worked (at least on my end). I've opened up to her, which is not something I did the first time around, and its become that much better. Yet.. i dont know. I have no idea how to handle this, this is the worst feeling i've ever had in my life. Sometimes, it really seems like it'll work, that things are going to be great. Others, like now, are just horrible. I dont know what to do. I was looking forward to the trip in a few weeks, but I don't know if that will even happen at this point. I don't know what to do. Help?
Sivok Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Think of your relationship like a mirror. You took a hammer and shattered it the first time. No matter how well you put the pieces back together, you're still going to see the cracks. You said she took the break up very hard. After going through the 5 stages of grief after any sort of loss, it's very, very tough to feel the same about someone. Her guard is way up and rightfully so. Also, she just broke up with her BF, like with you originally.. She needs time to get over this other dude. She hasn't moved on yet obviously. You need to give her time at the very least.
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