blind_otter Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 I had son with my ex he'll be 2 in July. I have to talk to my ex almost every day. It sucks. We've been split up for 5 months - to be honest with you in the past, before I had a child, I would have moved on without looking back. That has always been my way. I go through agony for the last few months of the relationship, but once I am done, I shut the gates to my heart and you can pound on the door for the rest of your life, I will not let you in. But now - I have to talk to him, see him. When I ask for a break because it gets too hard, he goes on these tirades bitch about how I'm taking his son from him. This is just the way it has to be until we can learn to be civil and parent together without spitting hatred at each other. It's never more than a day or two. I am going to group therapy and individual counseling every week. I'm going back to school next week. I find myself going through weird patches where I am so angry I don't know what to do but clean. I scrub the floor with a toothbrush. That kind of thing. Crazy cleaning, just to get the energy out. I'm afraid I'm going to make my son OCD. This is wretched. I've taken a vow of celibacy for no other reason than constant contact with my ex is slowly turning me into a man hater. I tried to set up a visitation schedule, but no. He's not capable of that.
deux ex machina Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 This is so much to handle all at once, and you are doing what you can right now. While going to school starting next week will be another big change on top of the rest of it, I'm thinking that it will give you a place to channel some of this, and will give you something that is yours, if that makes any sense. So much is everyone else's right now, and I don't want you feeling helpless or tossed about by the currents too much. Cheering you on every step of the way. ((hugs))
Author blind_otter Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 Thanks. I'm glad that I get these little rays of light bursting through the black clouds every now and then, like your post. I am starting to get all prickly and crochety. At age 30 I'm going to be sitting on my front porch yelling at kids to get off my lawn and grumbling about young people today.
Author blind_otter Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 Were you married? No. I was divorced before I met him and I no longer believe in marriage. Just a personal philosophy.
deux ex machina Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Thanks. I'm glad that I get these little rays of light bursting through the black clouds every now and then, like your post. You're welcome. Your posts are a ray of light to me, so it looks like we're even. I am starting to get all prickly and crochety. At age 30 I'm going to be sitting on my front porch yelling at kids to get off my lawn and grumbling about young people today. Run after them with a broom, too! Adds to the effect...trust me on this...
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