Feeling abandoned

[PutTheBlameOnMame]

You'll have to exuse me, I normally make a much better first impression. I pride myself in my happy go lucky/sunny disposition. I dread that this is my first post here, but I'm just trying to find answers and I came upon this site, so I hope I can find them here.

 

Well you see, this boy that I have been friends with for sometime now is in the army(only on base at the moment), we used to talk all the time. And he told me that he liked me, and he would say the sweetest things that would reinsure me that he did. Once he said somthing along thses lines "You know the perfect realationship is with a friend that you're attracted, cause you have to be attracted to them to feel stronger than just friends, but you have to be friends with them cause if you're just attracted to them you'll have nothing to talk about, so I think we would make a good couple" and than all of a sudden he just stops talking to me, he hasn't called me in a while. Last time I called him he said that he couldn't talk cause he was in a gun store and than he asked me if he could call back, I said yeah...and he has yet to call me.

 

I just don't know what's wrong with me? I mean he even said he wanted to go on a date with me when he comes back...its like as soon as they get really in to me...thats when they leave. Its like I'm cursed or somthing.

Have you guys ever read Practical Magic or seen the movie? You know how that family was cursed where when they feel in love with a man, the man would die? Well I feel like that...I mean they aren't dead or anything...but they just leave. With out saying a word. And that's what hurts the most...not getting an explanation.

 

Like my ex. Man was I crazy for the guy. We had been friends for awhile...but there was always kind of somthing between us. He ended up asking me to be his girlfriend (I was thrilled) and he kept telling me he was so happy that we were together and would say the sweetest things...and than BOOM! Nothing...he just flat out stoped talking to me for a few weeks(and in that time I only text him like three times, that isn't clingy right?). Than we started talking again, and he would make plans and than break them, than he'd stop talking to me, make plans break them over and over again! I ask him if he thought it'd be best if we broke up, and he said that he didn't want to break up that he still wanted to be with me...than he made plans and than broke them. And than he ended up saying that he couldn't have a girlfriend at the moment and that we should just brake up. And one day he and I were talking on IM and he told me that he thought that he was falling in love with me and blah blah blah that he still like me blah blah blah. And after that I never heard from him again. I tried to get in contact with him. But he just ignored me. So I deleted his number from my phone, took him off as friends on facebook, took his sn off my buddy list. And I said okay, time to move on. It sucked cause I really did like him, and no I don't think that I did love him...but I think I could have. He just made me feel really happy. But whatever that was like a year ago, it still stings and I still wish I had gotten an explanation but thats over and done with.

And than the army boy and I started talking again (we went to the same high school) We would hang out and he kept telling me how much he liked me...well you know.

And now nothing.

What's wrong with me?

[scorpionssong87]

It isn't easy to gather the courage to tell someone that you have feelings for them. I must admit his timing wasn't the best, but he probably felt like it was "Now or never" (what is the deployment vs mortality rate these days). How did you respond to his confession? He really put himself out there for you, if you didn't answer or did anything else to imply that you were completely rejecting him, he would have felt devastated. How do you feel about him? Do you share his feelings? If you do, but are nervous and would like to hold off on the romance until he comes home, rekindle your friendship, and then take baby steps from there, then you should tell him exactly that. If you are unsure of how you feel because you were too preoccupied enjoying his friendship and company, acknowledge the value of his feelings but tell him how happy he has made you by being your friend, how comfortable you are with him, but remind him of the friendship you lost with your ex, and if all possible, you would like to keep this wonderful friendship and let things evolve naturally rather than push them with heavy words like "girlfriend" and "lover". The army changes people, maybe he realized that he isn't secure enough in his feelings for them to survive such a change. He may also just be busy with duties. Don't make my mistake by freaking out and calling just to ramble to his voicemail. Draft and send him an old fashioned, neatly handwritten letter via Snail Mail. There is something unthreatening and yet special about receiving a letter in the mail, and you must keep it that way. Do not pour your heart out on paper, that's guy repellent; simply reflect on a fond or funny memory that the two of you share, inquire as to his wellbeing, and conclude by encouraging him to write or call you back. Even though you are dying to hear from him, resist the urge for a week, give him time to read your letter, think about you, and form a reply. If a week and a half goes by, buy a blank card, write a word that you know will cue an inside joke, or just pick a random word from the dictionary, don't even include a salutation or signature, just a word in the center of the page. As strange as this is, it might just be intriguing enough to prompt a response, requesting that you account for your actions.

[PutTheBlameOnMame]

It isn't easy to gather the courage to tell someone that you have feelings for them. I must admit his timing wasn't the best, but he probably felt like it was "Now or never" (what is the deployment vs mortality rate these days). How did you respond to his confession? He really put himself out there for you, if you didn't answer or did anything else to imply that you were completely rejecting him, he would have felt devastated. How do you feel about him? Do you share his feelings? If you do, but are nervous and would like to hold off on the romance until he comes home, rekindle your friendship, and then take baby steps from there, then you should tell him exactly that. If you are unsure of how you feel because you were too preoccupied enjoying his friendship and company, acknowledge the value of his feelings but tell him how happy he has made you by being your friend, how comfortable you are with him, but remind him of the friendship you lost with your ex, and if all possible, you would like to keep this wonderful friendship and let things evolve naturally rather than push them with heavy words like "girlfriend" and "lover". The army changes people, maybe he realized that he isn't secure enough in his feelings for them to survive such a change. He may also just be busy with duties. Don't make my mistake by freaking out and calling just to ramble to his voicemail. Draft and send him an old fashioned, neatly handwritten letter via Snail Mail. There is something unthreatening and yet special about receiving a letter in the mail, and you must keep it that way. Do not pour your heart out on paper, that's guy repellent; simply reflect on a fond or funny memory that the two of you share, inquire as to his wellbeing, and conclude by encouraging him to write or call you back. Even though you are dying to hear from him, resist the urge for a week, give him time to read your letter, think about you, and form a reply. If a week and a half goes by, buy a blank card, write a word that you know will cue an inside joke, or just pick a random word from the dictionary, don't even include a salutation or signature, just a word in the center of the page. As strange as this is, it might just be intriguing enough to prompt a response, requesting that you account for your actions.

Thanks I think I willl. Can I text him to ask him for the address? He was going to give it to me once...but I did have anything to write it down on heh And I'm pretty sure he knows that I like him, when he said the whole thing about us being good together I told him that I agreed.

[PutTheBlameOnMame]

He just texted me with out me texting first =]