carhill Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 IMO, it's probably about losing control. Many of the legal and societal aspects involved in child-rearing involve a loss of control. At 22, that's a reasonable concern and fear. How to act on that concern/fear in a healthy way? Personally, I abstained from intercourse until I was ready to accept the responsibility and loss of control. Others use different means. You'll find a methodology which works best for you.
USMCHokie Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 A monetary loss is the least of my problems. If I'm going where I think I'm going money is not going to be one of the worries I have in life, I'm working very hard to see that. I'm more worried about the responsibilities, in addition to what I have to do to support a business, now I have to do my part in raising a child, ON TOP of that what if its a child with somebody who I don't even like? Now I have the whole 'tied to somebody else you don't even like' which is something I can't handle. Then there is what somebody mentioned in another thread in which having a child makes you far less desirable, so if I have a child with somebody who I don't end up marrying/living my life with it's that much harder to find somebody else. Given that, it's more than I can risk. Fair enough. I will withdraw my previous position and say that this is an admirable approach. And one that will benefit not only you, but the woman you will spend your life with, as she will be blessed with a successful, baggage-free you... Good on ya.
ADF Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 This man is overreacting. Safe, effective contraception is more readily available now than ever before. There is really no reason anyone needs to have an unintended pregnancy, provided they take reasonable precautions. True, no method of birth control os foolproof. But that's like worrying about a lightening strike. Yeah, it could happen. But don't stop going outdoors because of it.
Pfiend101 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 I wouldn't go for the snip; it will put a lot of women off. Personally I wouldn't want to go through IVF unless it was absolutely necessary for medical reasons, and I would not look favourably on a guy who had purposely had the snip. I think what you need to do is use dual precautions; make sure you're in a trusted relationship where you've already discussed that abortion would be an option in case of pregnancy, then use condoms and have her take the pill too. Also keep an eye on your used condoms; it wouldn't be the first time a girl has inserted the contents of a condom after sex in an effort to trap a guy. Ah. The old turkey baster trick. Thats why you carry a little bottle of Tabasco and dump it in the condom after sex. If you hear a loud screech from the bathroom you know you caught her. I heard the tabasco also makes the sperm no good.
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Didn't you just post a thread about whiny men ? ........ So I have bad news for all you whiny men http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t230380/ hahahahahahahahaha
Author Rorschach Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 Didn't you just post a thread about whiny men ? ........ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t230380/ hahahahahahahahaha Oh your a real jokester you A rational fear of a possible outcome, and complaining because your too ugly/angry to get women are two completely different things haha besides one of the main points of the other thread was that people should shut up and do something about it, which in this case I'm no different, I just have to abstain until i feel having a child becomes an acceptable risk, rather than a potential life destroying event that it is now.
Kaplan Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 You know, if the girl's on top she can't get pregnant. It's gravity.
MrNate Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 This man is overreacting. Safe, effective contraception is more readily available now than ever before. There is really no reason anyone needs to have an unintended pregnancy, provided they take reasonable precautions. True, no method of birth control os foolproof. But that's like worrying about a lightening strike. Yeah, it could happen. But don't stop going outdoors because of it. IMO, I don't think he's over reacting at all. It sounds like he has a lot on his plate as it is and just doesn't want to take on the risk. When he gets to a point where he can take on that risk, then he'll take it. Judging by his level of ambition I can understand 100%. Sounds like a simple case of better safe than sorry.
Dolos Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 This is very true but of course, I know I'm clean, and I am not a ONS kind of guy, I only want sex once I'm emotionally involved and ready to be in a commited relationship, and at that point asking for us to both get tested and riding bareback shouldn't be an unreasonable request. If you're at that point don't you already have a pretty good idea what they would do if they got pregnant? I'm about your age and every girl Ive ever dated has pretty much flat out told me if she got pregnant she was having an abortion, two actually said they would and wouldn't tell me. In fact i cant really think of a single woman i know (Around my age) that wouldnt have an abortion if they got pregnant. You could just only date women who don't want kids at this point in their life and aren't pro life. I suppose this depends on where you live, i live in a real blue state, which probably explains my observations.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Dude, condoms... And pull out early. that's all. and get your own condoms not ones she gives you.
MrNate Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Oh your a real jokester you A rational fear of a possible outcome, and complaining because your too ugly/angry to get women are two completely different things haha besides one of the main points of the other thread was that people should shut up and do something about it, which in this case I'm no different, I just have to abstain until i feel having a child becomes an acceptable risk, rather than a potential life destroying event that it is now. lol I don't think a lot of times people don't understand how much of a set back a child can be.
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 lol I don't think a lot of times people don't understand how much of a set back a child can be. Some of us do Nate.. Some of us are already parents I waited late in life to have my first child ( mid 40's ) mainly because I was working on my career or the timing was all off with the relationships or I felt at the time I didn't want to be a Dad but I also can tell you from experience that it would have been easier on me personally to have the child when I was younger.. There are both positives and negatives to having children and if people only looked at the negatives nobody would ever have kids. If every couple waited till they could afford kids there wouldn't be any around.. I'm not saying someone should just go out and have kids but one should at the very least look at both sides of the coin.
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 (and I'm really not exaggerating when I say I CAN NOT have a child right now, it just isn't going to work in any sense, as that is the case I want to try and be responsible by not taking the risk. If I can't afford the responsibility of a child I can't afford to have sex right now, so if these were my options which is preferable?) Honestly Rorschach there isn't anything wrong with the way you feel... You will know when the time is right.. I was very careful to make sure I never had unprotected sex unless I was in a LTR and even then if she wasn't on Birth Control I made sure that I wore a condom.. I basically accounted for all my little guys and made sure none of them got lost. but I didn't let waiting till later on in life to have kids affect my relationships or sex life.. You can have sex and not have kids Rorschach... just use your head..
PutTheBlameOnMame Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Well of course you're not ready to have a kid right now, you're 22. Make sure that you have a condom and she is on some kind of birth control. There are so many diffrent kinds of birth control nowadays, and each one is more improved than the last. And also depeding on how the both if you feel about if she does get knocked up, she could always abort it, but again that is between you and her.
Author Rorschach Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 Near the end of my last relationship (about a month before we broke up) me and my ex weren't having sex due to circumstances. So in 3 months time we had sex ONCE with a condom, that month, I'm not entirely sure, her period was either skipped or really really late, and it gave us a BIG scare. It was almost to the point where we were sure she was preggo. And she told me, this girl of only 19 at the time, that she was going to have it and keep it. We didn't even have an apartment at the time, we were so outside of a possible situation is was ridiculous. But she still wanted to have it, possibly just to trap me in the relationship as she could feel it turning bad. Eventually her period came and the whole scare went away but that put the fear of god into me, had sex once with a condom and I was still worried, not only that she might be preggo but that she was exercising her womans right to completely ignore my feelings or any rational input (we were basically homeless, HOMELESS). I don't feel I'm wholly unjustified, in fact I feel that by choosing to handle things this way I'm being very responsible. When your in a position where you simply cannot handle children, then you simply cannot handle taking the chance, no matter how remote. Besides I have magic fingers and I love BJs
kiss_andmakeup Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Just make sure you and a partner are on the same page in the event of an accidental pregnancy. My boyfriend and I have discussed many times what our action would be in such an event (abortion) and both agree on it 100%. I don't think I ever want kids, let alone now at 22. Granted it might not be the sexiest conversation to have with a partner ("So, hypothetically speaking, if you were to get knocked up what would we do?"), but given that you're not into one-night-stands that means you'll have some sort of emotional bond with the girl you're sleeping with, so having the conversation will be easier. If you have the discussion with a future partner and you guys aren't on the same page, maybe she's not the one for you. I personally wouldn't get serious with a guy who thinks abortion is wrong and evil and would pressure me not to do it in the event of an unwanted pregnancy, because I know that I would never want to keep it. I can't believe more people don't have this discussion in their relationship. To me it's as important as having the STD talk!
Els Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Is it really that difficult to find a girl who doesn't want vaginal intercourse til you're ready to have a kid? Might want to consider the more traditional/religious types. Most of my girlfriends are still virgins.
Author Rorschach Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 Is it really that difficult to find a girl who doesn't want vaginal intercourse til you're ready to have a kid? Might want to consider the more traditional/religious types. Most of my girlfriends are still virgins. I honestly don't know, I have a hard enough time getting ANY girlfriend right now so I don't know how many girls out there would have a problem with it or not, so I asked for opinions. I'm hoping it's not a big deal and whoever I'm with would understand.
Els Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 If you're enthusiastic and willing to incorporate cunnilingus and toys I frankly can't see why it'd be impossible for you to find a woman who was willing, assuming you think this criteria is your major setback.
Author Rorschach Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 If you're enthusiastic and willing to incorporate cunnilingus and toys I frankly can't see why it'd be impossible for you to find a woman who was willing, assuming you think this criteria is your major setback. Major setback? Nah this is just something I'd been thinking about, losing the weight I've been carrying around since I was in Junior High (about halfway now, woots) would be my major setback (although really at this point I'm less sure if it's the weight or the lack of confidence/self esteem that comes with the weight) And yeah toys are awesome
sumdude Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 When I was with my ex gf / later ex wife she was on the pill and I used condoms. The belt and suspenders approach. Sure there's some loss of sensation and the bother of the putting on the rubber but the peace of mind was welcome to me. I was pretty anxious about an accidental pregnancy. Unfortunately once we were married and tried to conceive she was infertile at 37 even with hormone treatments. Sometimes life has more ironies than you can imagine.
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