I cannot attract women. Update/Journal

[Blade Runner]

Just wanted to chime in. You are not ugly. You look fine, features wise. You mentioned your ears. Personally I doubt that that's the real problem. I think if they worry you a lot, then probably the best thing about getting them "fixed" would be the fact that you'd have a confidence boost, and that would be the thing that helped you. Not so much the ears.

 

When somebody calls someone ugly, half the time it's got nothing to do with the features they were born with. People barely look at features. They look at the whole thing. I've seen guys who have supermodel looks go completely un-noticed just because they've been wearing beards and long hair. Or guys with no facial hair add a little bit and suddenly have girls all over them. Once you find that look that works for you, stick to it.

 

So it's not really about your features. It's about how you seem, how you dress. How you talk, walk, approach people. Your clothes are all pretty awful in most of the shots you posted. It's not just the baggy thing, it's the color choices, and just the general types of clothes.

 

You don't need to have a lot of money to dress well. I've seen guys spend hundreds of dollars buying crappy catalogue outfits that hundreds of other men are wearing look way worse than a guy with a real sense of style who just went to the opshop and knew what he wanted, spent less than 30 bucks.

 

You look like you've got a pretty good figure. I mean you don't look stick thin or anything. You look healthy in that department. Some guys are saying bulk up, but I'd only do that if it's the type of look you want.

 

It all comes down to what you want to say about yourself. First things first you have to get yourself a good pair of jeans or pants. I'd stick to jeans for a while if I were you, and keep to things that are slim fitting. Not stocking tight skinny jeans, but skinnier jeans. Ones that don't show any baggage. Make sure they don't sag down past your shoes. Get them altered if need be. The good thing about jeans is that they go with a lot of looks, depending on the color jeans and the style etc. I would get yourself a good casual blue pair (but not like bright blue...go for something a little less saturated), and a black pair. Make sure they're slim!

 

There are so many different posibilites for shirts. Right now I'd stay away from anything bright. Like bright reds, yellows, etc. They just look yuck unless you know what you're doing. You could go for the shirt + cardigan look. If you're slim and tall you suit this look really well. Just be careful with colors.

 

You could also look at getting some retro shirts (op shops, start hanging around guys in bands, they'll tell you what to buy), or just some nice dress shirts. Get a good belt. Make sure your shoes match your belt. Keep it simple til you find a look you really like.

 

As for shoes, it depends on the look. If you go the cardagain + shirt + skinny jeans route, don't get like the typical department store black bulky shoe. That's yuck. Get something slim to match. Shoes with a little heel that are slim. But you could also pull off hiker boots. They're pretty rad to wear with black/blue skinny jeans + slim t shirt. Doesn't go well with dress shirts or anything though. So those would be if you went down the band shirts or opshop route. You have to match.

 

You could try experiment with suits. Or for a slightly more casual look, suit jackets with black slim jeans and a nice shirt belt and shoes. A nice or accessory.

 

If you need ideas, just go on google and see what actors, musicians, people involved in fashion wear. There some stylish guys out there. Sometimes it's a little out-there, but you can get ideas. Don't get your clothing advice from some guy at a department store. Find a look you personally like, and roll with it. Fashion magazines, entertainment magazines, hell even clothing websites that sell fashionable stuff. Sites like americanapparel have some good basic ideas.

 

Facial hair if you can grow it will help mould your look a bit more. You want people to look at the whole image. maybe grow your hair a bit more. It looks like it's short on the sides and there's some extra bit on top at the moment which just looks weird. If you don't want your ears to be your selling point, then get them out of the spotlight by adding some facial hair, and/or hair around the side of your face. So it's even all round.

 

Anyway that's just a few things I think would help. The rest comes down to how you act around people, if you're fun to be around, how you initiate conversations.

 

As for approaching women, how do you do it? There are things you can do to make it look like you're only trying to be friends. You don't want to make it look like you're trying to initiate a relationship. One trick a lot of guys use is they pretend they already have a girlfriend, and they're just being friendly. (don't lie to the girl, obviously, I mean just in the back of their heads). If you seem like you're too eager or they can tell you're single and looking - they might just want you to back off....unless you're Brad Pitt of course.

 

(Seriously, go to a club. Watch girls reject a guy that don't find hot by calling him a "creeper", then another guy who is really good looking does the *exact* same thing, but suddenly he's not a creeper, because, oh, he's hot! This is not true for all girls of course, but it does happen a lot.)

 

So just be cool. Be casual. Don't treat every girl you approach like a target. Say in the back of your head "I don't care what happens, I just wanna make conversation." That way you'll just seem like a fun, cool guy to be around.

 

You'll notice guys who get a lot of girls are often not that nice to them. It's not the "jerk" quality that girls fall for, it's the fact that they seem so sure of what they want. They're confident. They don't care. Now what you can offer is the confidence, but you can be nice as well. Now THAT is a catch.

 

Good luck man.

Edited June 6, 2010 by Blade Runner

[forevertoday]

I'd say fix the ears. It can't be easy but I believe it's going to worth it. First impressions can't possibly go smooth with any type of "unique" features. Get some nice clothing, experiment with different glasses (since you can't do contacts). Your overall looks are fine imo.

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Just wanted to chime in. You are not ugly. You look fine, features wise. You mentioned your ears. Personally I doubt that that's the real problem. I think if they worry you a lot, then probably the best thing about getting them "fixed" would be the fact that you'd have a confidence boost, and that would be the thing that helped you. Not so much the ears.

 

When somebody calls someone ugly, half the time it's got nothing to do with the features they were born with. People barely look at features. They look at the whole thing. I've seen guys who have supermodel looks go completely un-noticed just because they've been wearing beards and long hair. Or guys with no facial hair add a little bit and suddenly have girls all over them. Once you find that look that works for you, stick to it.

 

So it's not really about your features. It's about how you seem, how you dress. How you talk, walk, approach people. Your clothes are all pretty awful in most of the shots you posted. It's not just the baggy thing, it's the color choices, and just the general types of clothes.

 

You don't need to have a lot of money to dress well. I've seen guys spend hundreds of dollars buying crappy catalogue outfits that hundreds of other men are wearing look way worse than a guy with a real sense of style who just went to the opshop and knew what he wanted, spent less than 30 bucks.

 

You look like you've got a pretty good figure. I mean you don't look stick thin or anything. You look healthy in that department. Some guys are saying bulk up, but I'd only do that if it's the type of look you want.

 

It all comes down to what you want to say about yourself. First things first you have to get yourself a good pair of jeans or pants. I'd stick to jeans for a while if I were you, and keep to things that are slim fitting. Not stocking tight skinny jeans, but skinnier jeans. Ones that don't show any baggage. Make sure they don't sag down past your shoes. Get them altered if need be. The good thing about jeans is that they go with a lot of looks, depending on the color jeans and the style etc. I would get yourself a good casual blue pair (but not like bright blue...go for something a little less saturated), and a black pair. Make sure they're slim!

 

There are so many different posibilites for shirts. Right now I'd stay away from anything bright. Like bright reds, yellows, etc. They just look yuck unless you know what you're doing. You could go for the shirt + cardigan look. If you're slim and tall you suit this look really well. Just be careful with colors.

 

You could also look at getting some retro shirts (op shops, start hanging around guys in bands, they'll tell you what to buy), or just some nice dress shirts. Get a good belt. Make sure your shoes match your belt. Keep it simple til you find a look you really like.

 

As for shoes, it depends on the look. If you go the cardagain + shirt + skinny jeans route, don't get like the typical department store black bulky shoe. That's yuck. Get something slim to match. Shoes with a little heel that are slim. But you could also pull off hiker boots. They're pretty rad to wear with black/blue skinny jeans + slim t shirt. Doesn't go well with dress shirts or anything though. So those would be if you went down the band shirts or opshop route. You have to match.

 

You could try experiment with suits. Or for a slightly more casual look, suit jackets with black slim jeans and a nice shirt belt and shoes. A nice or accessory.

 

If you need ideas, just go on google and see what actors, musicians, people involved in fashion wear. There some stylish guys out there. Sometimes it's a little out-there, but you can get ideas. Don't get your clothing advice from some guy at a department store. Find a look you personally like, and roll with it. Fashion magazines, entertainment magazines, hell even clothing websites that sell fashionable stuff. Sites like americanapparel have some good basic ideas.

 

Facial hair if you can grow it will help mould your look a bit more. You want people to look at the whole image. maybe grow your hair a bit more. It looks like it's short on the sides and there's some extra bit on top at the moment which just looks weird. If you don't want your ears to be your selling point, then get them out of the spotlight by adding some facial hair, and/or hair around the side of your face. So it's even all round.

 

Anyway that's just a few things I think would help. The rest comes down to how you act around people, if you're fun to be around, how you initiate conversations.

 

As for approaching women, how do you do it? There are things you can do to make it look like you're only trying to be friends. You don't want to make it look like you're trying to initiate a relationship. One trick a lot of guys use is they pretend they already have a girlfriend, and they're just being friendly. (don't lie to the girl, obviously, I mean just in the back of their heads). If you seem like you're too eager or they can tell you're single and looking - they might just want you to back off....unless you're Brad Pitt of course.

 

(Seriously, go to a club. Watch girls reject a guy that don't find hot by calling him a "creeper", then another guy who is really good looking does the *exact* same thing, but suddenly he's not a creeper, because, oh, he's hot! This is not true for all girls of course, but it does happen a lot.)

 

So just be cool. Be casual. Don't treat every girl you approach like a target. Say in the back of your head "I don't care what happens, I just wanna make conversation." That way you'll just seem like a fun, cool guy to be around.

 

You'll notice guys who get a lot of girls are often not that nice to them. It's not the "jerk" quality that girls fall for, it's the fact that they seem so sure of what they want. They're confident. They don't care. Now what you can offer is the confidence, but you can be nice as well. Now THAT is a catch.

 

Good luck man.

 

My hair is a big problem as of late. The barbers are not doing a good job and need listening skills. Lately I have been getting types of cuts that I am not asking for. My sideburns got removed without asking and telling them not to before they start cutting.

 

 

Yes, my clothes were baggy. I don't think they're awful clothes in general. I never heard of a basic looking t-shirt being awful. I do have common sense to wear matching clothes, and not to have jeans passed my shoes.

 

I'd say fix the ears. It can't be easy but I believe it's going to worth it. First impressions can't possibly go smooth with any type of "unique" features. Get some nice clothing, experiment with different glasses (since you can't do contacts). Your overall looks are fine imo.

 

First impression are mixed towards me. Some people see me as a nerd because of the ears and glasses. Some people think I am retarded(a couple of people have stated in their posts). A few friends of mine thought I was shy.

 

 

I'm just going to request this topic to be locked. I don't find most of this information useful because it is very biased as some can see the posts about people saying that I am retarded because my physical appearance. Can a mod please remove my pictures?

 

 

Thank you

[somedude81]

Go to your first post and click on the Alert Us button and tell the mod what you want done.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

My hair is a big problem as of late. The barbers are not doing a good job and need listening skills. Lately I have been getting types of cuts that I am not asking for. My sideburns got removed without asking and telling them not to before they start cutting.

 

 

Yes, my clothes were baggy. I don't think they're awful clothes in general. I never heard of a basic looking t-shirt being awful. I do have common sense to wear matching clothes, and not to have jeans passed my shoes.

 

 

 

First impression are mixed towards me. Some people see me as a nerd because of the ears and glasses. Some people think I am retarded(a couple of people have stated in their posts). A few friends of mine thought I was shy.

 

 

I'm just going to request this topic to be locked. I don't find most of this information useful because it is very biased as some can see the posts about people saying that I am retarded because my physical appearance. Can a mod please remove my pictures?

 

 

Thank you

 

Um from what ive seen most here are trying to be nice to you no? im an overweight person but you dont see me pouting about you calling me fat! lol..

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Um from what ive seen most here are trying to be nice to you no? im an overweight person but you dont see me pouting about you calling me fat! lol..

 

This is completely different. Being overweight is being fat(no offense). Being deformed does not mean someone is retarded.

 

I honestly don't see most of the advice as being nice and honest. I have read a few posts about me not having any facial when in fact I do. People have said that there is NO excuse for being unable to wear contacts because of medical reasons. There is some guy who keeps saying TRY, but I tell him I do.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

This is completely different. Being overweight is being fat(no offense). Being deformed does not mean someone is retarded.

 

I honestly don't see most of the advice as being nice and honest. I have read a few posts about me not having any facial when in fact I do. People have said that there is NO excuse for being unable to wear contacts because of medical reasons. There is some guy who keeps saying TRY, but I tell him I do.

 

Not true being overweight is being overweight it dosent have to be called a derogitive term like "fat" just like some one who say may be a bit nerdy looking dosent have to be called retarted by any means get my point?

 

Anyways theres nothing wrong with your pics by the way you need to not be so judemental on others and yourself who cares what some may say have a little faith in yourself

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Not true being overweight is being overweight it dosent have to be called a derogitive term like "fat" just like some one who say may be a bit nerdy looking dosent have to be called retarted by any means get my point?

 

Anyways theres nothing wrong with your pics by the way you need to not be so judemental on others and yourself who cares what some may say have a little faith in yourself

 

True it does not have to be called that.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Hey Franklin, I commented before and honesty suggested that you talk to a counselor with some pysch. background; you should look into just having an initial visit with your campus counselor to see what advice they can share with you.

 

It seemed like a slap in the face when you mentioned wanting to lock the thread because you weren't finding the advice useful. I'll agree with you that some posts were over the top; however, many posters (especially the ladies) shared some good insight that seemed to buzz right past you.

 

Counseling my friend; just walk into your campus counselor's office, schedule an appt and see if they can help more than LS.

 

Good luck.

[suprisinginsight]

Franklin,

 

You look just fine. Absoutely nothing wrong with your ears. The only reason i noticed them was because you mentioned it several times. I think that based on your previous post, you may stand to see some improvement if you adjusted your "style" (ie clothes, hair...). 6'0 and 165 I don't see you as being too skinny because you do have smaller bone structure. ( Most people do not take this into consideration). IMO your body type falls under althletic/lean. Being more lean i would definately reconmend going with slim better fitting clothes..especially if you are still planning to work out as your shoulder should broaden out some more giving you that nice V shape most girls dig. Also i would consider getting more off the top. in a couple of pictures looks like your hair is starting to get that mini fro kinda look. shorter looks cleaner imo.

 

well that just my 2 cent

[AD1980]

To be brutally honest which nobody here will be your in my boat not a very attractive Man and most women proably give you dirty looks when you approach just because of that..

 

 

What id say is dont base your life on wheter women find you attractive lifes not picnic for guys just because women are attracted to them and there in relationships with them..Most of em arent worth the trouble..

Edited June 15, 2010 by AD1980

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Hey Franklin, I commented before and honesty suggested that you talk to a counselor with some pysch. background; you should look into just having an initial visit with your campus counselor to see what advice they can share with you.

 

It seemed like a slap in the face when you mentioned wanting to lock the thread because you weren't finding the advice useful. I'll agree with you that some posts were over the top; however, many posters (especially the ladies) shared some good insight that seemed to buzz right past you.

 

Counseling my friend; just walk into your campus counselor's office, schedule an appt and see if they can help more than LS.

 

Good luck.

 

Counseling will not solve my problem. I am not making anything up. Women have always given me negative comments and have no attraction to me.

 

Counselors in earlier schools actually suggested to my family to get ear surgery done on me.

 

Franklin,

 

You look just fine. Absoutely nothing wrong with your ears. The only reason i noticed them was because you mentioned it several times. I think that based on your previous post, you may stand to see some improvement if you adjusted your "style" (ie clothes, hair...). 6'0 and 165 I don't see you as being too skinny because you do have smaller bone structure. ( Most people do not take this into consideration). IMO your body type falls under althletic/lean. Being more lean i would definately reconmend going with slim better fitting clothes..especially if you are still planning to work out as your shoulder should broaden out some more giving you that nice V shape most girls dig. Also i would consider getting more off the top. in a couple of pictures looks like your hair is starting to get that mini fro kinda look. shorter looks cleaner imo.

 

well that just my 2 cent

 

Thanks for the comments. Look at my picture from this year with the long button up shirt. That taken after I gotten rid of the mini fro because it was not working with me.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Your post above is 100% what I mean by your "I can't", defeatest Fu*king attitude, Franklyn...

 

Seriously... a shrink can't help you??? Oh yes that must be true because you've studied psychology, hold a Ph.D., have practiced for decades and self diagnosed your self-loathing bs attitude... well done, pal. Small wonder why you can't find a SINGLE woman on planet fu*king earth that has the remotest bit of interest in you - not on ANY level...

 

So you'd rather accept that this is the case, rather than CONSIDER that professional help may have actually sway your pus*y a$$ opinion... Dude!! Get a grip...

 

I'm not going to beat around this bush with you anymore... you had atleast 6 women tell you, you look NORMAL; meanwhile several guys, myself included, confirm the same. Perhaps, uhhhhh..., you're failing to see what the rest of the world sees.

 

Frankly, I would bet money that you get some sort of satisfaction from holding on to your frame of reference so tightly; despite how detrimental it's proven to be thus far...

 

Trust me, dude, I've read enough to know that you need counseling, and you need it now. I see what you're going through and it's clearly visible to people that observe you in day to day life. Nobody will even mention it to you, but I am right here & now. What you're experiencing may haunt you during your career and social life following college... Do yourself a favor and just TALK to s counselor... All you have to lose is a dew hours of your time.

 

I seriously do wish you luck...

[RATED-RKOFRANKLIN]

Your post above is 100% what I mean by your "I can't", defeatest Fu*king attitude, Franklyn...

 

Seriously... a shrink can't help you??? Oh yes that must be true because you've studied psychology, hold a Ph.D., have practiced for decades and self diagnosed your self-loathing bs attitude... well done, pal. Small wonder why you can't find a SINGLE woman on planet fu*king earth that has the remotest bit of interest in you - not on ANY level...

 

So you'd rather accept that this is the case, rather than CONSIDER that professional help may have actually sway your pus*y a$$ opinion... Dude!! Get a grip...

 

I'm not going to beat around this bush with you anymore... you had atleast 6 women tell you, you look NORMAL; meanwhile several guys, myself included, confirm the same. Perhaps, uhhhhh..., you're failing to see what the rest of the world sees.

 

Frankly, I would bet money that you get some sort of satisfaction from holding on to your frame of reference so tightly; despite how detrimental it's proven to be thus far...

 

Trust me, dude, I've read enough to know that you need counseling, and you need it now. I see what you're going through and it's clearly visible to people that observe you in day to day life. Nobody will even mention it to you, but I am right here & now. What you're experiencing may haunt you during your career and social life following college... Do yourself a favor and just TALK to s counselor... All you have to lose is a dew hours of your time.

 

I seriously do wish you luck...

 

Sure a shrink can help anyone just like myself to build a good self esteem and attitude. I'm not denying that.

 

A shrink cannot make women see me as something better. Seriously, I am working on my self esteem. I honestly do have confidence in what I do except with women. After being rejected by every girl in middle school, high school, and now college, I have no confidence with women. Girls at college do not see me as a normal guy. They see me as the guy who is too ugly and will never date. My looks do turn them off. I always hear negative comments from women. A woman has never said anything good about me(not including anyone in this topic). This morning I heard the same negative comments on campus from two different girls as I was walking down the hallway. I wasn't doing anything odd. I was just walking straight with my head up.

 

I actually have studied psychology for two years in school for general requirements. One major concept I learn is that there cannot be a relationship without physical attraction(only exception is a hooker, but that is a totally different topic). There is nothing a shrink can do about that.

[PJKino]

Most on here will feed u fluff...Truth is youre right there has to be physical attration first for a relationship to have a chance...This idea looks dont matter if you have "confidence" girls will magically flock to u is pure bs,some of us just arent attractive to the opposite sex..