vol Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Everyone, Please help me with this dilemma! I'm so stupid and am wrecked with guilt about this. Last week, I was blackout drunk and my girlfriend (of only a couple weeks) was completely sober. For some reason, she decided that that would be the time to bring out our sexual histories. She wears a chastity ring and has never done anything more than kissing. She asked about me and I said "yeah, I haven't gone all that far either...". I don't know what I was thinking; maybe I was embarrassed, maybe I was afraid... In reality, one time like 8 months ago, I started to fool around with a girl (she started to give me oral) and we stopped. Other than that, I have only even kissed two girls ever (other than my girlfriend). How do I bring this up again? Should I do it right away? I really, really, really want to make this relationship work and I just don't know what I was thinking and I feel like this could be a deal-breaker. Help!
reservoirdog1 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Tell her as soon as possible. Firstly, IMHO, the only thing she should be remotely upset about is that you fibbed. The sooner you tell the truth, the shorter the time she'll feel like she's been "living a lie" with you. Secondly, don't try to excuse the lie -- own up to it, explain it without excusing it. Say that you wished you'd told her the truth when she asked but you felt embarassed/ashamed/worried she'd think less of you/etc. Thirdly: do NOT allow her to make you feel bad about what you're owning up to. You've only been dating this girl for a few weeks. If she tries to make you feel bad because some other girl went down on you briefly before you were dating your GF... dump her. I'm serious. If she does that, she'll try to hold it over your head forever. You were single when it happened. You have the right to make decisions about your own life. If she can't handle the decisions you made before she was in the picture, then she shouldn't be with you.
Green Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Girls generaly are attracted to an experienced man even if they act like they want a virgin. I really don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. If it is bothering you just bring it up. "hey remember when you started talking about sex with me... well i just want to be honest with you and let you know I've had a bj"... there.. don't apologize just tell it to her if thats what you want to do
Author vol Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Yeah thanks for the replies. The only thing that I am worried about is that I wasn't 100% honest in the first place and relationships are built on trust. I am not ashamed of what happened (though it does make me really uncomfortable to talk about), only about not saying it when the time was right.
Green Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Yeah thanks for the replies. The only thing that I am worried about is that I wasn't 100% honest in the first place and relationships are built on trust. I am not ashamed of what happened (though it does make me really uncomfortable to talk about), only about not saying it when the time was right. This isn't a trust shattering event in my opinion.
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