Spookie, mother-to-be, breaking the news

May 5, 2010

Once a woman is pregnant, all of her options involve permanent physical and emotional consequences.

I think it depends on the woman, but there are definitely women for which that's true.

The decision to abort may be the woman's choice, but it's also the woman's burden, and it's not a light one to carry.

Again, it depends on the woman and the situation. One of my friends had an abortion because she got accidentally pregnant while on some kind of medication which pregnant women can't take because it carries very high risks for causing serious birth defects. Even though my friend is generally against abortion as an option, she thought in her case it was the lesser of two evils. When she went through with it, she ended up feeling relieved. She was surprised at her reaction and was expecting it to be much more difficult, but her primary emotion was relief and in the end, she was glad she chose that option instead of carrying to term.

I think some women in some circumstances are able to go through having an abortion without much emotional trauma. And other women in other circumstances have a difficult time.

making the experience an extremely isolating one for the millions of women who go through it.

And this is a terrible shame. I wish women could feel more comfortable being open about it. IMO, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and if it's affected you emotionally, you should be able to reach out and talk to other people about it if you need to.

It's an invasive surgical procedure, posing physical risks, which most women don't just view as a "procedure". For most, it's a huge, difficult decision, which they feel guilty about for many years to come.

I don't know about "most", but definitely "many." And some abortions aren't surgical.

Same goes for the physical and emotional trauma of adoption.

My SO's ex was set on adoption and had even picked a couple. As a result, he tried very hard to not get attached to the idea of having a child because he knew it'd be very difficult to see his newborn and then give it up to someone else. So I think some men are affected by the emotional trauma of adoption.

(She ended up changing her mind at the last minute, and he was very pissed that he missed out on a lot. His actions would've been different had she said, "I'm keeping it myself" before birth.)

As for the emotional trauma of having an abortion, I'd expect a good person to be by his partner's side.

May 5, 2010

Just wondering, GL (and all the other boys who think pregnancy is 100% her responsibility):

If you managed to get a girl into bed, and you accidentally knocked her up, what would you do?

Tell her it's her problem, since she was dumb enough to sleep with a dead-beat?

Can you point out where I said it's 100% the woman's fault?

All I said is the taxpayer shouldn't be on the hook for it, at all.

If I knocked a chick up, I'd be very devastated but I would take care of it and wouldn't burden the taxpayers. But then again I'm a responsible established man and the vast majority of women are not interested in getting knocked up by people like that (proven by statistics).

May 5, 2010

My take on the philosophical POV is this:

Once a woman is pregnant, all of her options involve permanent physical and emotional consequences.

The decision to abort may be the woman's choice, but it's also the woman's burden, and it's not a light one to carry.

Nevermind that many would judge her for being a baby-killer from that point forward. Nevermind that it's just not something you share with your friends, or even potential SO's making the experience an extremely isolating one for the millions of women who go through it. It's an invasive surgical procedure, posing physical risks, which most women don't just view as a "procedure". For most, it's a huge, difficult decision, which they feel guilty about for many years to come.

Men don't share the consequences of abortion. Same goes for the physical and emotional trauma of adoption.

All we as a society expect, is that they share in the financial consequences of Option 3, keeping it. From an expected value perspective, I'd say they get a MUCH better deal.

Yeah, part of me kind of regrets my second abortion. Maybe it's because the "father" who I loved is no longer in my life, and I think it's sad that a child who was part him and part me will now never be. I know that's irrational, but it's how I feel sometimes. It's hard dealing with the fact that I've had two abortions now. I still think about what would have been, what they would have been like had they been born and grown up.

May 5, 2010

Can you point out where I said it's 100% the woman's fault?

All I said is the taxpayer shouldn't be on the hook for it, at all.

If I knocked a chick up, I'd be very devastated but I would take care of it and wouldn't burden the taxpayers. But then again I'm a responsible established man and the vast majority of women are not interested in getting knocked up by people like that (proven by statistics).

That's great, but then, I don't understand where your venom against me is coming from.

You are assuming:

1. My bf will not be there for me

2. I can't do this myself

which is a tad presumptuous given the info I've provided in this thread.

May 5, 2010

That's great, but then, I don't understand where your venom against me is coming from.

You are assuming:

1. My bf will not be there for me
2. I can't do this myself

which is a tad presumptuous given the info I've provided in this thread.

Have you forgotten who OpenGL is? He's just bitter you get sex and he doesn't.

May 5, 2010

yah, i was on birth control.

Didn't you say you were on the pill but stopped taking it? Going on and off hormonal birth control could've thrown your cycle out of whack. So I suppose it's possible that your period really is 2 weeks late.

I actually think that this is the MOST likely scenario Spookie- you messed around with your BC pill, which sends your cycle up the spout.

That coupled with the numerous negative tests would suggest to me that perhaps the panic may be slightly premature?

When I got pregnant I took 3 tests. First one was inconclusive, but took another one the next day and it was definitely positive. So was the one after that.

May 5, 2010

Can you point out where I said it's 100% the woman's fault?

All I said is the taxpayer shouldn't be on the hook for it, at all.

If I knocked a chick up, I'd be very devastated but I would take care of it and wouldn't burden the taxpayers. But then again I'm a responsible established man and the vast majority of women are not interested in getting knocked up by people like that (proven by statistics).

Can I ask why you would rant about all this stuff on the OP's thread. It seems imature and very selfish to say the things you are in this thread and I doubt you are responsible.

May 5, 2010

That's great, but then, I don't understand where your venom against me is coming from.

You are assuming:

1. My bf will not be there for me
2. I can't do this myself

which is a tad presumptuous given the info I've provided in this thread.

You have already said you live with your parents, your relationship is casual and that your boyfriend does not want kids. That's a recipe for disaster.

Based on what you have said in this thread and more importantly statistically you will not see a dime of child support from the father and you will be on some form of government assistance for the next 30+ years and 2+ kids later.

I predict out of wedlock/single mother birth will probably increase to 70%+ in the next 10-15 years and the number of contributing members to society will decrease proportionally. In my opinion women are directly responsible for this. Normal, womanless, sexless men people like me are basically funding the complete decline of society that we are in no way responsible for.

May 5, 2010

Can I ask why you would rant about all this stuff on the OP's thread. It seems imature and very selfish to say the things you are in this thread and I doubt you are responsible.

In what ways do you think I'm irresponsible?

May 5, 2010

You have already said you live with your parents, your relationship is casual and that your boyfriend does not want kids. That's a recipe for disaster.

Based on what you have said in this thread and more importantly statistically you will not see a dime of child support from the father and you will be on some form of government assistance for the next 30+ years and 2+ kids later.

I predict out of wedlock/single mother birth will probably increase to 70%+ in the next 10-15 years and the number of contributing members to society will decrease proportionally. In my opinion women are directly responsible for this. Normal, womanless, sexless men people like me are basically funding the complete decline of society that we are in no way responsible for.

Learn how to read she is visiting her parents, she has only been dating the guy for 5 months so unless you want to talk about premarital sex get over yourself. Don't talk statisics to this girl unless you have the math to back it up.

May 5, 2010

In what ways do you think I'm irresponsible?

She made this thread to talk about how she is a mother to be and you come on here pushing your agenda it shows a very selfish inconsiderate person.

May 5, 2010

Yeah, part of me kind of regrets my second abortion. Maybe it's because the "father" who I loved is no longer in my life, and I think it's sad that a child who was part him and part me will now never be. I know that's irrational, but it's how I feel sometimes. It's hard dealing with the fact that I've had two abortions now. I still think about what would have been, what they would have been like had they been born and grown up.

Aww, don't think like that.

You'll just end up in a trap if you follow your emotions down that path.

You'll meet someone else who you'll love and trust just as much, who won't be as immature as your ex, and when the timing is right, you'll have feasible babies that you both want.

As much as I appear to be psychotically pro-life in this thread, the truth is, I just think it'd be much easier to have the child, than the abortion. What you did was the right thing.

May 5, 2010

Learn how to read she is visiting her parents, she has only been dating the guy for 5 months so unless you want to talk about premarital sex get over yourself. Don't talk statisics to this girl unless you have the math to back it up.

Ok, my bad, I glossed over her post and didn't pay attention carefully. My point still stands.

May 5, 2010

She made this thread to talk about how she is a mother to be and you come on here pushing your agenda it shows a very selfish inconsiderate person.

What does being a selfish inconsiderate person have to do with being irresponsible? I mean, sure, you can just choose not to believe me, I'm not going to try to prove myself to you, but I don't think you can base it off any of my post if you take them at face value.

May 5, 2010

What does being a selfish inconsiderate person have to do with being irresponsible? I mean, sure, you can just choose not to believe me, I'm not going to try to prove myself to you, but I don't think you can base it off any of my post if you take them at face value.

by your own logic how do you base anything you've said?

May 5, 2010

You have already said you live with your parents, your relationship is casual and that your boyfriend does not want kids. That's a recipe for disaster.

Based on what you have said in this thread and more importantly statistically you will not see a dime of child support from the father and you will be on some form of government assistance for the next 30+ years and 2+ kids later.

I predict out of wedlock/single mother birth will probably increase to 70%+ in the next 10-15 years and the number of contributing members to society will decrease proportionally. In my opinion women are directly responsible for this. Normal, womanless, sexless men people like me are basically funding the complete decline of society that we are in no way responsible for.

Statistically, being an actuary, I doubt that I will be on some form of government assistance for the next 30+ years and 2+ kids later.

But thanks for the lesson in statistics.

May 5, 2010

Statistically, I am not even convinced you are actually pregnant Spookie.

This could be alot of hoo ha over nothing.

May 5, 2010

Hi spookie!

I've been reading your threads well since your boss Jack so I just have a few Q's

You said you can financially support this baby alone? I'm 28, I'm educated, have a full time job and there is no way I could. Have you thought about daycare expenses? Leave time? What kind of work do you do?

Also you said you were on birth control? Did you skip days? Did you take medication that may alter the effectiveness?

I'm just curious because I've been on the pill for 12 years and my BF and I don't use condoms

I'm terrified of this! Good for you for handling this so well.

May 5, 2010

CG- you could support a child- lots of people do on small incomes.

You make it happen. You just don't spend money on luxuries or yourself.

It doesn't have to be that expensive.

May 6, 2010

I actually think that this is the MOST likely scenario Spookie- you messed around with your BC pill, which sends your cycle up the spout.

That coupled with the numerous negative tests would suggest to me that perhaps the panic may be slightly premature?

When I got pregnant I took 3 tests. First one was inconclusive, but took another one the next day and it was definitely positive. So was the one after that.

I am SOOO hoping the panic is premature, but as I said, one of the tests did look positive, though you'd have to have looked pretty hard to see it.

It's extremely rare to get a false positive, which is why I'm concerned. It's much easier to get a false negative, but this "far in", I would think that a succession of false negatives would also be rare.

I wish I was back in my city so instead of obsessing all day, I could just see a doctor!

May 6, 2010

Go get the one with the digital readout.. that is what my wife and I did because we kept getting mixed readings with the strip

There is no gray area with that one..

and you are right about false positives.. since it detects a hormone that is only present while being pregnant.

there are some medical conditions that can case the hormone to be produced but couple that with your string of negatives I would think it would make your positive result even more sure..

May 6, 2010

I am SOOO hoping the panic is premature, but as I said, one of the tests did look positive, though you'd have to have looked pretty hard to see it.

It's extremely rare to get a false positive, which is why I'm concerned. It's much easier to get a false negative, but this "far in", I would think that a succession of false negatives would also be rare.

I wish I was back in my city so instead of obsessing all day, I could just see a doctor!

It may not have been a 'false' positive...your pregnancy may be very very early stages and sometimes these pregnancies just end for no reason. You can get a faint positive, followed a few days later by a negative, then a period. It's hard to tell with these late periods whether they were actually very very early stage pregnancies.

Try and get one of the more expensive pregnancy tests (Clearblue) is good). Your pregnancy hormones should be doubling every day. Don't want to panic you either, but sometimes ectopic pregnancies show up as faint positives followed by negatives, so maybe google the symptoms and see a doctor

May 6, 2010

Hi spookie!

I've been reading your threads well since your boss Jack so I just have a few Q's

You said you can financially support this baby alone? I'm 28, I'm educated, have a full time job and there is no way I could. Have you thought about daycare expenses? Leave time? What kind of work do you do?

Also you said you were on birth control? Did you skip days? Did you take medication that may alter the effectiveness?

I'm just curious because I've been on the pill for 12 years and my BF and I don't use condoms

I'm terrified of this! Good for you for handling this so well.

I was on BC, I did not skip days! I was not on any other medication. I'm still not 100% sure I am pregnant though, so don't freak out yet....

Re: financially supporting the baby, it would be tight with childcare expenses, but yes, I think I could manage. I think the hardest part would be finding childcare services I could TRUST with a newborn, but I am sure it exists. Admittedly, the childcare problem is easier solved when there are two parents, or one has family around.

May 6, 2010

Go get the one with the digital readout.. that is what my wife and I did because we kept getting mixed readings with the strip

There is no gray area with that one..

and you are right about false positives.. since it detects a hormone that is only present while being pregnant.
there are some medical conditions that can case the hormone to be produced but couple that with your string of negatives I would think it would make your positive result even more sure..

Took two of those today, got two "No's".

But I did NOT imagine those dots.

I suppose there is some chance the positive pregnancy test was broken making the preggo "evaporation line" visible in some places for some reason....

May 6, 2010

I think you should probably be taking a majority here.

Exactly how many tests have you taken?

I know you didn't skip pills, but you stopped the bc pill in the middle of a cycle right?

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