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Spookie, mother-to-be, breaking the news

spookie

By spookie
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Eeyore79 Established Member

Eeyore79

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He has many options open to him as to how he deals with it...his life is far from ruined

 

How can you say that his life won't be ruined? He's going to be burdened with a kid he doesn't want, and permanently bonded to a woman with whom he only had a casual relationship, and whom he will probably end up hating because of inflicting this upon him. The child will cost a lot of money, not to mention taking up a lot of his time if he's going to be a decent father to it, and both of those things are going to impinge on his quality of life. He won't be able to move away even if he wants to, because of being tied to the child. A lot of women who otherwise would have dated him will reject him outright because he has a child, and he will probably have to drop his standards somewhat if he is ever to find a long term partner. And you think his life won't be ruined? :eek:

Stockalone Established Member

Stockalone

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How can you say that his life won't be ruined? He's going to be burdened with a kid he doesn't want, and permanently bonded to a woman with whom he only had a casual relationship, and whom he will probably end up hating because of inflicting this upon him. The child will cost a lot of money, not to mention taking up a lot of his time if he's going to be a decent father to it, and both of those things are going to impinge on his quality of life. He won't be able to move away even if he wants to, because of being tied to the child. A lot of women who otherwise would have dated him will reject him outright because he has a child, and he will probably have to drop his standards somewhat if he is ever to find a long term partner. And you think his life won't be ruined? :eek:

 

You've got to be kidding. As much as I am not too happy about the fact that men have basically no say in the matter, he knew what could happen.

 

There is always a risk that a pregnancy happens and the woman gets to choose what to do when that happens. He chose to have sex anyway. And from what I can tell, he didn't ask her about the "what if" before they had sex either.

 

People who can't handle the possible consequences (having a baby, or dealing with an abortion) shouldn't have sex!

Rorschach Established Member

Rorschach

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You've got to be kidding. As much as I am not too happy about the fact that men have basically no say in the matter, he knew what could happen.

 

There is always a risk that a pregnancy happens and the woman gets to choose what to do when that happens. He chose to have sex anyway. And from what I can tell, he didn't ask her about the "what if" before they had sex either.

 

People who can't handle the possible consequences (having a baby, or dealing with an abortion) shouldn't have sex!

 

*cough*

 

see my thread ;)

 

I don't feel responsible enough for a child right now, ergo I'm now abstaining... god that almost hurts to say.

 

Blowjobs are still good though at least I have that :confused:

allina Established Member

allina

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Spookie *hugs*

 

Call him up and calmly tell him. Don't yell, cry or demand, just present the facts, "I am pregnant with your child, while I did not want this pregnancy to occur, I am keeping the baby." Ask him to just take in the info and schedule a time to talk later, he might need to think it through and might go through a lot of emotions. Explain that while while he has a choice in the future of your relationship, he does not have one when it comes to keeping/aborting the baby.

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spookie Established Member

spookie

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Spookie *hugs*

 

Call him up and calmly tell him. Don't yell, cry or demand, just present the facts, "I am pregnant with your child, while I did not want this pregnancy to occur, I am keeping the baby." Ask him to just take in the info and schedule a time to talk later, he might need to think it through and might go through a lot of emotions. Explain that while while he has a choice in the future of your relationship, he does not have one when it comes to keeping/aborting the baby.

 

Thanks. This is exactly how I am hoping this to go down right now.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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First off.. Congratulations...

 

Secondarily.. I don't think you have to tell him immediately but should very soon.. maybe in the next few days or week ..

It is up to you but don't wait till you are showing.. 5 months into a pregnancy is too long to wait and will deprive him of the opportunity to enjoy the idea and reality of fatherhood..

 

~Art

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spookie Established Member

spookie

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First off.. Congratulations...

 

Secondarily.. I don't think you have to tell him immediately but should very soon.. maybe in the next week or so..

It is up to you but don't wait till you are showing.. 5 months into a pregnancy is too long to wait and will deprive him of the opportunity to enjoy the idea and reality of fatherhood..

 

~Art

 

Thanks Art. I'm staying with my parents (whom I will NOT be telling for as long as possible!) in another state until Sunday, when he is supposed to pick me up from the airport. If I feel like I'm "acting" but not sharing the news, I'll tell him then, otherwise, I might wait till the following weekend, after I've seen a doctor.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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Thanks Art.

 

No sweat Spookie... I'm happy for you both...

 

Remember to take good care of your health.. pound those folic acid tabs and one a days for preggos..

Start today...

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spookie Established Member

spookie

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No sweat Spookie... I'm happy for you both...

 

Remember to take good care of your health.. pound those folic acid tabs and one a days for preggos..

Start today...

 

Yep, thank goodness, I gave up my pot habit shortly after meeting the bf, so I don't have to worry about that. And the last time I went on a bender was probably when I got knocked up. :lmao: So so far, baby should be healthy.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

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This sends shivers up my spine. I honestly don't know what I would do with my life if this ever happened to me at this point in my life.

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spookie Established Member

spookie

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This sends shivers up my spine. I honestly don't know what I would do with my life if this ever happened to me at this point in my life.

 

Just out of curiosity, what specifically is it about your life at this point that makes you fear babies so?

Green Established Member

Green

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I don't want to have a kid at this point in my life. I'm about the same age as spookie and so is my gf. If my gf got pregnant I'm pretty sure she would go through the same analysis as spookie not wanting to give it up for adoption and finding it silly for a 20 something person with a career to give up a baby.

 

Don't let any one make you feel guilty. Yeah the girl has all the power once it comes to this point... but he had just as much power when it came to creating this baby.

 

I really hope this guy does the right thing and is there for you through all this. I really hope for a good update this guy is 26 and should not act the way your other bf did.

gypsy_nicky Established Member

gypsy_nicky

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can someone on this thread explain to me why the guy would get angry?!

 

Did she rape the dude?- no.

 

Did she drug him and force him? -no.

 

Did they both consent to sex? -yes

 

Did they both know the risk of pregnancy? -yes

 

so why does it seem that the woman bears the brunt of this burden?

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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Wow, there are some seriously stupid replies in this thread. All the men talking about how unfair this is to him need to STFU.

 

If you don't want to deal with the possible consequences of sex -- the very consequences the act is intended to produce -- then keep it in your pants or get a vasectomy.

SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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Congratulations spookie :)

 

Now I want a baby :confused:

Lovelybird Established Member

Lovelybird

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You're seriously going to have a child that the father doesn't want? Doesn't that seem a little unfair and selfish to you, to force a child on him when he doesn't want it?

How selfless is he that when he stick his member in her and knowing that will produce a baby ! and how selfless is he that if the baby isn't convenient to him, he wants an abortion ! don't play the guilty game right now.

 

We don't know what the guy will respond. If he is a decent guy, he will not manipulate Spookie and make her feel bad, maybe he will be happy; if he yells and freak out, then distant yourself from him, Spookie, give him time and space to figure it out

 

I agree with Green, don't let any guy use that guilt to manipulate you, Spookie. I wish all things will end up good for you.

Lovelybird Established Member

Lovelybird

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Posted
How can you say that his life won't be ruined? He's going to be burdened with a kid he doesn't want, and permanently bonded to a woman with whom he only had a casual relationship, and whom he will probably end up hating because of inflicting this upon him. The child will cost a lot of money, not to mention taking up a lot of his time if he's going to be a decent father to it, and both of those things are going to impinge on his quality of life. He won't be able to move away even if he wants to, because of being tied to the child. A lot of women who otherwise would have dated him will reject him outright because he has a child, and he will probably have to drop his standards somewhat if he is ever to find a long term partner. And you think his life won't be ruined? :eek:

All I hear from your post is ME, ME, ME :sick: really sick

sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

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If you don't want to deal with the possible consequences of sex -- the very consequences the act is intended to produce -- then keep it in your pants or get a vasectomy.

 

This is the same exact argument people use against abortion: if a woman didn't want a baby, she shouldn't have had sex, and now that she's pregnant, she should deal with the consequences since she knew that having sex carries the risk of getting pregnant.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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point being.....?

I think it's a valid statement.

This is why nuns don't have babies.

Necause they don't have sex.

Nobody ever died of celibacy, or abstention.

sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

Posted
Posted
point being.....?

 

Point being that it's not a fair argument to make.

 

The reality of it is that a man has no choice once she's pregnant, and he should take precautions accordingly if he doesn't want a child because if she decides to bring the fetus to term, he's responsible for contributing.

 

But saying "sucks to be you! shoulda kept it in your pants!" to a man who doesn't want a baby is just as useless and obnoxious as saying it to a woman who doesn't want a baby. And if the choice is already made upon consenting to sex, then why should women be allowed to have elective abortions? Is it okay to deny a woman an abortion and tell her that she should've kept her pants on and that she already made her choice? Why or why not?

Els Established Member

Els

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This is the same exact argument people use against abortion: if a woman didn't want a baby, she shouldn't have had sex, and now that she's pregnant, she should deal with the consequences since she knew that having sex carries the risk of getting pregnant.

 

Uh. She IS dealing with it. Which part of her posts show that she isn't?

 

I find it hilarious how all of the men are saying they're glad it's not them and they're just freaked out at the thought. Great, guys. Better remember that and keep your rubbers handy - or better yet, don't have intercourse if it freaks you out that much. Same with the women, of course.

SpanksTheMonkey Established Member

SpanksTheMonkey

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My 2 cents if its unprotected sex then let the cards fall were they may they both knew the huge chance they took doing it so fair enough!

 

BUT if the man thought they were protected and it still happened say due to human error and the women decided to keep the child but the guy didn't want any part of it.

 

Then I think his wishes should be respected and she can raise the child on her own with out his help financial or other wise. To me at the end of the day women shouldn't be able to force father hood on men in a situation like that.

 

I'm not saying that applies to you spookie I don't know what his reaction will be best of luck I hope hes as willing to go ahead as you are.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Point being that it's not a fair argument to make.

 

The reality of it is that a man has no choice once she's pregnant, and he should take precautions accordingly if he doesn't want a child because if she decides to bring the fetus to term, he's responsible for contributing.

 

But saying "sucks to be you! shoulda kept it in your pants!" to a man who doesn't want a baby is just as useless and obnoxious as saying it to a woman who doesn't want a baby. And if the choice is already made upon consenting to sex, then why should women be allowed to have elective abortions? Is it okay to deny a woman an abortion and tell her that she should've kept her pants on and that she already made her choice? Why or why not?

 

The point, sweetjasmine, is that rules and regulations are already the way they are. It is a known fact that the mother gets sole choice where abortions are concerned. So, KNOWING THIS FACT, the man should have been mindful of the risks when he had sex. In a country where abortions are illegal, this also applies to the mother, yes. Knowing that she cannot legally abort and would either have to seek illegal abortion or carry the baby to term, she should have been mindful of that when the time came to either consent to or refuse sex. But I recall several people on LS called me paranoid and silly, and my bf gay or, err, 'medically challenged', when I wrote of our choice to NOT have vaginal intercourse. :rolleyes:

melodymatters Established Member

melodymatters

Posted
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Good luck Spook ! I remember the story with the ex and how you felt back then, so I knew you would choose to keept it ifpregnant this time around.

 

Unfortunately, I think you are going to get a similar reaction. Having been through the horror of that, I would say writing him a letter and asking him to be calm and rational before you talk again is a fair move.

 

I would also tell him that he can be involved as much or as little with the child. If you can support and insure this child yourself, then let him walk away.

 

I know it's not a popular opinion but I don't belive in forced child support outside of marriage. Of course he loses all rights to have anything to do with the child. You are NOT required to list him on the birth certificate and unless you seek social services, you will not be required to ask him for anything you don't want to.

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

Posted
Posted

 

woman becomes single mom, is viewed as an unsung hero by the media and society

 

man becomes deadbeat dad, is viewed as a cancer to society

 

 

This is stupid bull****. I am not an unsung hero, my life is limited and it sucks and is hard as hell.

 

My ex, OTOH, is fine with his friends and goes on snowboarding trips to Lake Tahoe and hangs out with his bros and gets druuuuuunk.

 

I would rather eat glass than take money from that lemon.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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