Rorschach Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 The board has seen a rash of whiny men come to this board complaining about how they can't get anybody or how they can't get somebody who is good enough or yadda yadda yadda. Well guess what, this is pretty much how it works. I'm going to use numbers just as a quantifiable system. If you are looking for a woman who ranks 7/10 on YOUR scale then you need to find a girl who ranks YOU 7/10 on HER scale. Your scale=/= her scale For instance we sometimes see women/men who we consider 10s going out with people we consider 5s. But you know why that is? Because on the 10's scale, the other person IS a 10. BECAUSE THEY USE A DIFFERENT SCALE THAN YOU DO. So guess what? Even if you're a 7 on your own scale, you may be seen as a 4 for whatever reason, so you're going to REPEATEDLY fail if you go after 7s. There are ONLY two options, you can LOWER your standards and live with the fact that YOU ARENT AS GOOD AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. Or you can do some self help and raise yourself up to a 7, sometimes (as is my case) this is a physical fault, sometimes (as is certain people on this board's case) it's a mental/attitude problem. Whatever it is I have a few words of advice. QUIT YOUR MOANING AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT This has been a public service announcement, if you agree/disagree your welcome to rebut.
Yamaha Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Or we could just do away with scales and date people we like.
Pink Cupcakes Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Thanks, you just solved the world's problems. I appreciate that.
OpenGL Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I am under no illusion at despite my excellent level of fitness I am average (5/10) on my scale. I have no idea what I am on most woman's scale.
ADF Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 You know what I need someone to explain to me? What a 6 looks like as opposed to a 5. Or what the difference is between a 7 and an 8. I understand the far ends of this scale. Obviously, someone described as a 1 or 2 is rather homley, while someone described as a 9 or 10 is gorgeous. But I cannot imagine how people grade those near the middle of the scale. It seems impossible to make such tiny, insignificant distinctions.
Author Rorschach Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 You know what I need someone to explain to me? What a 6 looks like as opposed to a 5. Or what the difference is between a 7 and an 8. I understand the far ends of this scale. Obviously, someone described as a 1 or 2 is rather homley, while someone described as a 9 or 10 is gorgeous. But I cannot imagine how people grade those near the middle of the scale. It seems impossible to make such tiny, insignificant distinctions. I agree, I tend to only use 3 numbers 2 would not date 7 would date 9 probably out of my league but will try
OpenGL Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 You know what I need someone to explain to me? What a 6 looks like as opposed to a 5. Or what the difference is between a 7 and an 8. I understand the far ends of this scale. Obviously, someone described as a 1 or 2 is rather homley, while someone described as a 9 or 10 is gorgeous. But I cannot imagine how people grade those near the middle of the scale. It seems impossible to make such tiny, insignificant distinctions. 5 means while they are not down right hideous, not fat, not skinny, their looks are pretty unremarkable. Average joe that blends in with the crowd.
MrNate Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 This rings true. If you aren't sexy and have a great personality, you shouldn't think you deserve someone sexy with a great personality. Many men and women want a partner who is smart, attractive, outgoing, in shape, etc. but a lot aren't that themselves, and don't want to do the work. Like me personally, I'd like to be with a cute/smart/in shape girl. But that's only because I'm handsome, smart and I workout often. It would be foolish for me to demand all these traits in a woman while I lay on a couch eating Domino's pizza all day and playing video games We really need to step back and look at reality. If you want a knock out partner, you had best be a knock out yourself. Otherwise, don't complain. Let's all work on bringing the best out of ourselves.
Pfiend101 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I consider myself a 10. If she doesn't think so that's her problem not mine. If I ask her out its a privilege for her if she accepts. If she doesn't want to go out with me I blow it off. Who cares what anyone else thinks. That's my attitude.
Author Rorschach Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Let's all work on bringing the best out of ourselves. This sums up my post nicely, 3 months ago when I decided that I was lonely and really needed to meet a nice girl, but that I also wanted to meet somebody who IN MY MIND (not society's mind which I generally disagree with) was a nice 7 (for lack of a better way to explain it) I realized that I wasn't a 7 and if I wanted that I needed to go to work on me. 3 months and 40 pounds later I'm well on my way, I'm not there yet and that depresses me sometimes but damn it I'm taking action not just complaining about how the world isn't fair.
Stockalone Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 QUIT YOUR MOANING AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT This has been a public service announcement, if you agree/disagree your welcome to rebut. Good for you. I'm guessing you are honestly trying to help, so instead of agreeing or disagreeing, I'll just smile and nod...
Eeyore79 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 My ex's friends used to have a go at him about me, because I'm reasonably nice looking, and he was average looking and overweight. They used to tell him I was only dating him because he had money; they made him question what I saw in him, and I believe that's one reason why he dumped me. But in actual fact, the disparity between our looks wasn't an issue for me; I knew he wasn't "hot" but I was totally in love with him. He was smart, outgoing, confident, and a lot of other things that I'm not, as well as being my best friend and a fun guy. I know that a lot of other people questioned what I saw in him, but I genuinely loved him, and I saw us as equals based on issues that ran much deeper than mere looks. He was a 10 on my scale, regardless of what other shallow people thought of him
electricity Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 You know what I need someone to explain to me? What a 6 looks like as opposed to a 5. Or what the difference is between a 7 and an 8. I understand the far ends of this scale. Obviously, someone described as a 1 or 2 is rather homley, while someone described as a 9 or 10 is gorgeous. But I cannot imagine how people grade those near the middle of the scale. It seems impossible to make such tiny, insignificant distinctions. 1) At least for me, it's not all about looks. In fact, looks only play a very minor part. So I really can't tell you what the difference is, appearance-wise. 2) It differs from person to person. The extreme ends of the spectrum are easy to classify because they're almost universally regarded as being ideal/unideal. However, in the middle, one person may look for a particular type of humor while another prefers a particular weight, and yet another places special value on intimate knowledge of some obscure piece of literature.
Author Rorschach Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 My ex's friends used to have a go at him about me, because I'm reasonably nice looking, and he was average looking and overweight. They used to tell him I was only dating him because he had money; they made him question what I saw in him, and I believe that's one reason why he dumped me. But in actual fact, the disparity between our looks wasn't an issue for me; I knew he wasn't "hot" but I was totally in love with him. He was smart, outgoing, confident, and a lot of other things that I'm not, as well as being my best friend and a fun guy. I know that a lot of other people questioned what I saw in him, but I genuinely loved him, and I saw us as equals based on issues that ran much deeper than mere looks. He was a 10 on my scale, regardless of what other shallow people thought of him And you are not the only person like this. For me if somebody was 'average' on the looks scale but had a good personality they'd EASILY be a 10 while if they were 'beautiful' on the looks scale but had all the personality of a dead fish I wouldn't even date them. Everybody has a different scale, some people's are more shallow than others, but everybody has a scale.
Eeyore79 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 We really need to step back and look at reality. If you want a knock out partner, you had best be a knock out yourself. Otherwise, don't complain. My friends and family have often complained about my sense of "entitlement" and suggested that I need to lower my standards. I'm looking for a guy who has no kids and has never been married, who is of at least average attractiveness, who has some sort of education and employment, and who is basically good and decent and fun to be with. I don't think I'm asking for too much, since I bring all of those qualities to the table myself - I'm educated and employed, no kids or ex-spouses, not bad looking, and a decent enough person. Is it really too much to ask a partner to offer the same as I do? I don't see why I should have to settle for someone who offers less to me than I offer to him, i.e. if I'm an all-round 7, I want the guy to be a 7 too. In the past I've dated guys who I felt didn't match me in one way or another (they had kids, they were between jobs, they were below average attractiveness, etc) but I always felt dissatisfied, like I was offering more than they were. In contrast, I'm much happier with my current bf because I feel like he matches me, and offers as much as I do.
Author Rorschach Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 My friends and family have often complained about my sense of "entitlement" and suggested that I need to lower my standards. I'm looking for a guy who has no kids and has never been married, who is of at least average attractiveness, who has some sort of education and employment, and who is basically good and decent and fun to be with. I don't think I'm asking for too much, since I bring all of those qualities to the table myself - I'm educated and employed, no kids or ex-spouses, not bad looking, and a decent enough person. Is it really too much to ask a partner to offer the same as I do? I don't see why I should have to settle for someone who offers less to me than I offer to him, i.e. if I'm an all-round 7, I want the guy to be a 7 too. In the past I've dated guys who I felt didn't match me in one way or another (they had kids, they were between jobs, they were below average attractiveness, etc) but I always felt dissatisfied, like I was offering more than they were. In contrast, I'm much happier with my current bf because I feel like he matches me, and offers as much as I do. You're not asking too much, this is the way the world should work. And this is the way that leads to the happiest and most productive relationships, when both parties appreciate the other as an equal, or even as a better (if I for instance considered my self a 7 but my SO considered me a 10 and I considered her a 10). This is why my last relationship didn't work, I felt like I was a 5 dating a 2-3 (it was the personality that threw me). I wasn't a catch back then (and I'm working on it ) but I still felt like I was getting the short end of the relationship stick.
Eeyore79 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 I felt like I was a 5 dating a 2-3 Yeah, I've had that feeling before... that's the feeling you get when you feel like someone has less to offer than you do. In the past I have felt like I was "dating down" and the relationship didn't last because I wasn't really satisfied with my partner. The kicker is, if someone is obviously higher up the scale than you, it breeds insecurity about being dumped for someone better. My ex was violently possessive because he knew (and told me all the time) that I was a better catch than him. Relationships seem to work best when people are balanced in terms of attractiveness and status. My friend has been having problems with dating because he sees himself as a good catch; he's educated, employed, decent, humorous, and an all round good guy. But he has three kids, and he doesn't seem to realise that knocks him down the scale for a lot of women. He wants to date girls who he sees as being on his level - young, attractive, educated women who would be on his level if it wasn't for his kids. He doesn't want to date a woman who would be more on his level, because he thinks of himself as being a higher level than he actually is - he fails to realise the impact his kids have on his all round attractiveness.
Mary3 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 I get it R. If she were a 6 and you wanted an 8 you would subtract 2 and then if she were 160 lbs you would make her a 7 but if she gained 3 pounds you would make her a 4 but if she went on a diet and lost 20 lbs you would make her an 8 and then invite her over your house at 5 but if she was late you would make her down a notch to 7 but if she called you 4 times she would be a 7
Author Rorschach Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 I get it R. If she were a 6 and you wanted an 8 you would subtract 2 and then if she were 160 lbs you would make her a 7 but if she gained 3 pounds you would make her a 4 but if she went on a diet and lost 20 lbs you would make her an 8 and then invite her over your house at 5 but if she was late you would make her down a notch to 7 but if she called you 4 times she would be a 7 You forgot to carry the 1. anyway I don't like the numbering system more than anybody else, people can't be reduced to numbers like that, but emotionally we compare ourselves to people all the time, and I guess thats closer to what i mean.
Lakeside_runner Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 If you are looking for a woman who ranks 7/10 on YOUR scale then you need to find a girl who ranks YOU 7/10 on HER scale. Your scale=/= her scale (...) BECAUSE THEY USE A DIFFERENT SCALE THAN YOU DO. So guess what? Even if you're a 7 on your own scale, you may be seen as a 4 for whatever reason, so you're going to REPEATEDLY fail if you go after 7s. There are ONLY two options, you can LOWER your standards and live with the fact that YOU ARENT AS GOOD AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. This is the very spot where you contradict yourself... Why do you assume it is impossible to find a 7 who also find you to be a 7? Or you can do some self help and raise yourself up to a 7, sometimes (as is my case) this is a physical fault, sometimes (as is certain people on this board's case) it's a mental/attitude problem. Whatever it is I have a few words of advice. QUIT YOUR MOANING AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT This has been a public service announcement, if you agree/disagree your welcome to rebut. THANK YOU! This is what I've been saying a lot... This + "Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Man jack you in the freakin' jaw and say - thanks for coming out."
Author Rorschach Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 This is the very spot where you contradict yourself... Why do you assume it is impossible to find a 7 who also find you to be a 7? THANK YOU! This is what I've been saying a lot... This + "Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Man jack you in the freakin' jaw and say - thanks for coming out." Of course it's possible, but depending on how you rate on most peoples scales (a so called average rating) it may just be harder to find somebody who rates you higher. For instance a 3 in general consensus certainly can find somebody who would consider than a 8 but it's far less likely than somebody who is an 6 finding somebody who considers them an 8. And certainly complaining on a forum and not searching for somebody who appreciates you isn't getting them any closer to the goal. I'm a big fan of self improvement and personal responsibility, sometimes people just need to man up accept that whatever is happening is THEIR fault and nobody else's and then do something about it.
Lakeside_runner Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 And certainly complaining on a forum and not searching for somebody who appreciates you isn't getting them any closer to the goal. I'm a big fan of self improvement and personal responsibility, sometimes people just need to man up accept that whatever is happening is THEIR fault and nobody else's and then do something about it. I totally agree with you on that. Instead of whining on the forum - people should go out and hit the gym, take up a new hobby, do something that they enjoy instead of wallowing in self-pity. There is always a way to make oneself more attractive!
AD1980 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 (edited) All these numbers are making me dizzy..Enough I have no idea where i stand numerically but ive always said if my league is people im not attracted to then id rather die alone then be with somebody im not physically attracted to at all but be with just because its my league or "number" Edited May 5, 2010 by AD1980
Author Rorschach Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 All these numbers are making me dizzy..Enough I have no idea where i stand numerically but ive always said if my league is people im not attracted to then id rather die alone then be with somebody im not physically attracted to at all but be with just because its my league or "number" Thats just the point though, whatever you want to call it, what YOU find attractive be it personality or a particular body type or whatever. I don't like using numbers but it's the only way to quantify what is essentially an unquantifiable idea. Thats just the scientist in me.
Recommended Posts