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UK/USA LDR -Boyfriend Now Going to Iraq for 1 year :'(

xxxheartbrokenxxx

By xxxheartbrokenxxx
in Long-Distance Relationships

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xxxheartbrokenxxx Established Member

xxxheartbrokenxxx

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My sweatheart is off to Iraq for 1 year today - I last saw him on Sunday as I went to visit him in the States to say goodbye, luckily I made it despite the volcano problem.

 

I keep crying for him already and long to just have him here to cuddle, the thought of not seeing him for 1 whole year is too much to bear :(

 

We have been LDR since August, we got engaged during my USA trip last week and plan to marry a few months after his return from Iraq, just wish I could fast forward a year so we can start building our home togther now...

Spiritofnow Established Member

Spiritofnow

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Blimey. that is tough.

 

I am in the UK and my bf is in the states, so I felt drawn to your post. I know that the distance, 4000 miles for us has had it's moments, but Iraq and for a year is a hard call, but you will get through it.

 

You know how it first feels when you leave each other after a visit to go back home, or for him to return home, so let yourself go through the motions before you focus on dealing with this new dynamic. Just let yourself feel all those feelings of missing him etc, and then deal with the new distance.

 

I think I would have to chunk it all down to be okay with the reality to begin with. At least you have a commitment to each other - that is something you can focus on.

 

I feel for you.

 

Big, big, hug.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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Dont worry the time will pass quickly. A lot of guys in my unit were in the same situation when I was there, and they all made it through, (and so did their girlfriends), and so will you. Be thankful that Iraq is a safer now than in the past. good luck to ya

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xxxheartbrokenxxx Established Member

xxxheartbrokenxxx

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Blimey. that is tough.

 

I am in the UK and my bf is in the states, so I felt drawn to your post. I know that the distance, 4000 miles for us has had it's moments, but Iraq and for a year is a hard call, but you will get through it.

 

You know how it first feels when you leave each other after a visit to go back home, or for him to return home, so let yourself go through the motions before you focus on dealing with this new dynamic. Just let yourself feel all those feelings of missing him etc, and then deal with the new distance.

 

I think I would have to chunk it all down to be okay with the reality to begin with. At least you have a commitment to each other - that is something you can focus on.

 

I feel for you.

 

Big, big, hug.

 

Nice to talk to someone in a similar situation - how long have you and him been together, and how often do you get to see each other?

 

Thanks for the support, nice to hear it from someone who understands rather than well meaning friends being blase about it and telling me 'not to worry cos 1 year will fly by'. A year is actually a very long time, no doubt this year will drag. I will be able to talk to him online most days (hopefully) and talk on the phone occasionally but as you are aware, it never matches up to actually being with each other IRL.

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xxxheartbrokenxxx Established Member

xxxheartbrokenxxx

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Dont worry the time will pass quickly. A lot of guys in my unit were in the same situation when I was there, and they all made it through, (and so did their girlfriends), and so will you. Be thankful that Iraq is a safer now than in the past. good luck to ya

 

Thank you, I really hope it does go quickly - a year just seems so daunting right now. :bunny:

terra Established Member

terra

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It is really tough! I'm in the process of it right now but my guy will be home really soon.

I guess the only advice I can give you is allow yourself to be sad for bit then set some goals for yourself and keep really busy. I took a language class and joined a few sports teams. This is a good opportunity to do things for you!

Write him lots of letters and send him things. It helps to feel connected.

I promise it will go by faster than you think, it just takes a while to get into the swing of your new routine.

He should have some time off in that year, do you know when that is? Focus on this date (it's only half a long) and it won't seem as bad.

Good luck!

Spiritofnow Established Member

Spiritofnow

Posted
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Nice to talk to someone in a similar situation - how long have you and him been together, and how often do you get to see each other?

 

Thanks for the support, nice to hear it from someone who understands rather than well meaning friends being blase about it and telling me 'not to worry cos 1 year will fly by'. A year is actually a very long time, no doubt this year will drag. I will be able to talk to him online most days (hopefully) and talk on the phone occasionally but as you are aware, it never matches up to actually being with each other IRL.

 

DITTO! :)

 

We met virtually on a research forum - neither of us were looking for love or even anticipated falling in love, but we did. We have been together for a little over two years now and we currently manage to see each other 3-4 times a year for two weeks at a time.

 

Distance can be a b*tch, but you have to just hold on to what you have together. I am finding that discussing the future and researching all that we need to know is helping me a lot.

 

Put on a tune that reminds you of him and have a dance around, that's what I do and it always helps me feel better. Focus on the positives you have in your relationship...are you going to be busy? You may want to try new things to keep you focused?

 

A year sounds tough so maybe break it down into small chunks - like after two months have a celebratory phone call together for getting through it, and so on...

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xxxheartbrokenxxx Established Member

xxxheartbrokenxxx

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It is really tough! I'm in the process of it right now but my guy will be home really soon.

I guess the only advice I can give you is allow yourself to be sad for bit then set some goals for yourself and keep really busy. I took a language class and joined a few sports teams. This is a good opportunity to do things for you!

Write him lots of letters and send him things. It helps to feel connected.

I promise it will go by faster than you think, it just takes a while to get into the swing of your new routine.

He should have some time off in that year, do you know when that is? Focus on this date (it's only half a long) and it won't seem as bad.

Good luck!

 

 

I will try my best to keep busy and do fun things.

 

He doesn't get any time off - if he did then at least I would have something to break up the year a little. He is an officer and his priority is to make sure his soldiers get their leave - he will be last in the queue so by the time it's his turn it will only be a couple of weeks left of the mission to go therefore not worth it. Have been very upset by a friend who told me that it sounds fishy that he wont get time off and she thinks he's hiding something. I just didn't need to hear that whilst I'm this vulnerable, now I am extra sad.

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xxxheartbrokenxxx Established Member

xxxheartbrokenxxx

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DITTO! :)

 

We met virtually on a research forum - neither of us were looking for love or even anticipated falling in love, but we did. We have been together for a little over two years now and we currently manage to see each other 3-4 times a year for two weeks at a time.

 

Distance can be a b*tch, but you have to just hold on to what you have together. I am finding that discussing the future and researching all that we need to know is helping me a lot.

 

Put on a tune that reminds you of him and have a dance around, that's what I do and it always helps me feel better. Focus on the positives you have in your relationship...are you going to be busy? You may want to try new things to keep you focused?

 

A year sounds tough so maybe break it down into small chunks - like after two months have a celebratory phone call together for getting through it, and so on...

 

Wow our situations are very similar - we just happened to bump into each other online too and neither of us were intentionally looking for love!

 

Yes I keep trying to think about the future, just wish I could be with him now :(

 

We have talked online everyday since we parted, plus I'm in touch with some of his friends/relatives on facebook now which makes me feel closer to him :)

 

Have either of you guys discussed relocating? I am marrying him and moving to the States when he returns which will mean giving everything up for him but it will be so worth it. It would not make any sense for him to move to the UK though.

terra Established Member

terra

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Posted
I will try my best to keep busy and do fun things.

 

He doesn't get any time off - if he did then at least I would have something to break up the year a little. He is an officer and his priority is to make sure his soldiers get their leave - he will be last in the queue so by the time it's his turn it will only be a couple of weeks left of the mission to go therefore not worth it. Have been very upset by a friend who told me that it sounds fishy that he wont get time off and she thinks he's hiding something. I just didn't need to hear that whilst I'm this vulnerable, now I am extra sad.

 

We are from different countries so I know that US military is different but that sounds awful! Poor guy has to work 12 months straight? My guy's an officer too which mean that he had to take his leave really early (because no one wants the first rotation of leave). But again a different military doing different things.

Is there some sort of support offered through his unit? They should have a support network or assistance. Even having a phone number to call if you have questions would be really helpful. I had a guy call me every so to how I was doing, if I needed anything or had any questions. It really helped me to feel less in the dark about the whole thing.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

Posted
Posted (edited)
Have been very upset by a friend who told me that it sounds fishy that he wont get time off and she thinks he's hiding something. I just didn't need to hear that whilst I'm this vulnerable, now I am extra sad.

 

 

Dont listen to your friend. It's standard to have a 12 month rotation with no leave. Dont be sad your bf will be okay, and he isnt hiding anything don't let your heart be troubled, your friend is wrong

Edited by skydiveaddict
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xxxheartbrokenxxx Established Member

xxxheartbrokenxxx

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We are from different countries so I know that US military is different but that sounds awful! Poor guy has to work 12 months straight? My guy's an officer too which mean that he had to take his leave really early (because no one wants the first rotation of leave). But again a different military doing different things.

Is there some sort of support offered through his unit? They should have a support network or assistance. Even having a phone number to call if you have questions would be really helpful. I had a guy call me every so to how I was doing, if I needed anything or had any questions. It really helped me to feel less in the dark about the whole thing.

 

Thank you for bringing this to my attention - have got in touch with his commander's wife who runs the soldier family support group plus my sweetheart will send me the weekly newsletter, I feel much better already :)

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xxxheartbrokenxxx Established Member

xxxheartbrokenxxx

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Dont listen to your friend. It's standard to have a 12 month rotation with no leave. Dont be sad your bf will be okay, and he isnt hiding anything don't let your heart be troubled, your friend is wrong

 

Thank you Skydive - I know this is true, I am angry with my friend for trying to put doubts in my mind and create problems where there aren't any. I know we will work out, everything will be just fine and I can't wait to get married next year - I love him sooooo much :love:

 

Just wish other people had faith in us and our relationship but then I cannot force people to think a certain way.

Spiritofnow Established Member

Spiritofnow

Posted
Posted (edited)
Wow our situations are very similar - we just happened to bump into each other online too and neither of us were intentionally looking for love!

 

Yes I keep trying to think about the future, just wish I could be with him now :(

 

We have talked online everyday since we parted, plus I'm in touch with some of his friends/relatives on facebook now which makes me feel closer to him :)

 

Have either of you guys discussed relocating? I am marrying him and moving to the States when he returns which will mean giving everything up for him but it will be so worth it. It would not make any sense for him to move to the UK though.

 

Yes, my bf recently set up a new page on our wiki in order to explore all of our options. We are looking at me moving out there in a years time. We have both been really thoughtful about the move, because like yourself I will be leaving everything here to be with him, although that is what I want.

 

I am not close with my family and the few good friends I have will visit and I will visit them. He has a lovely close- knit family who want me to be a part of what they have, so I feel I have more to gain by moving out there. I am friends with his sisters and their family on fb, plus his work colleagues/friends whom I met when I first visited, and vice versa. I also email his mum, so I feel totally connected to his life.

 

Things have been a little bit more complicated for us as I have a teen. My teen and my bf get on sooooo well (he's a teacher and has a great rapport with young people). My teen finishes high school next year and so we both agreed that it was important for him to do that before we make the move. My teen is totally on board with the move and is excited by it, but me and my bf have been mindful about the complexities of moving and changing our lives, and so we have taken our time with that side of things. I spoke to my bf las t week and told him that if we were both ready I would like us to be able to get out there next year--I just don't want to wait any more.

 

The next step is to see whether my degree credits will transfer out there as I will have one year left to complete.

 

We both agree that whatever the obstacles we will make it work. He told me that he wants to apply for the K-1 Fiancee'/Fiance visa when we move out there, so we will be making that commitment to each other.

 

It's exciting and a little scary at the same time, but we have another year to uncover all the unknowns.

 

Will you have a support network when you move - his family? And, have you decided on all the wedding plans. What visa will you apply for? And most importantly, how are you doing?

Edited by Spiritofnow
Spiritofnow Established Member

Spiritofnow

Posted
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Thank you for bringing this to my attention - have got in touch with his commander's wife who runs the soldier family support group plus my sweetheart will send me the weekly newsletter, I feel much better already :)

 

This place is great! I am so glad you have this. Great news!!!:)

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