Child sexual abuse exposed + breakup/heartbreak = ???

[This Hurts]

I was sexually abused when I was around 7 or 8 by one of my mom's old boyfriends. The only person I ever told was my girlfriend (now my ex), and that was several months ago. Other than that, I kept it a secret for over a decade—until this weekend. I never planned on telling anyone because I thought it'd been too long since it happened and I thought I was growing up normally and eventually I would forget about it and it would be as if it never happened.

 

This weekend I realized how much it affected me, and on Sunday I had a panic attack and contacted my ex since she was the only person I ever told. She wasn't replying, so I contacted the closest thing I have to a best friend and told her, she didn't really help, so I finally told my family.

 

I don't even know how to describe what I've been feeling. Everything just feels so god damn surreal. I don't know what's happening or what's going to happen. I feel so emotionally and mentally worn out, I honestly don't know what to do. I can't go to anyone for support. I don't have my ex to go to, and I don't have a best friend to rely on. At this point, the closest thing I have is my brother and he's definitely not the comforting type.

 

Wtf is going on

[Green]

So what are you worried about? Are you ashamed? Do you blame yourself? Worried that you are not normal?

 

A lot of people go through what you did, so don't feel alone. If you want to tell your story here feel free to if you think it would make you feel better. It's not your fault what happened to you and you shouldn't feel embaressed or guilty. Your entire life is ahead of you

[GrayClouds]

I am very sorry for all your experiencing and sorry you lost a trusted confidant. It is all very hard.

 

The stress of a break up can bring up a great deal of hurt one has experienced in their life. With something like abuse it makes it almost impossible to differentiate one pain from the other. You can and will get through it all. We do not open up about things like this until we are ready. You may be question yourself about that but I can assure you that you are.

 

It may not feel like it now but you have just made a courageous step for yourself. Understand that when it comes to abuse sometimes the people who should be there to support you, like family, have difficult time dealing with it. And for those that is the case understand you did nothing wrong at the time or by bring it to light now. Again you did a some very strong to help yourself.

 

I suggest finding a professional to work with to help you through the healing process. Also keep posting if it helps. Your not alone.

Edited May 5, 2010 by GrayClouds

[freckles3131]

Go to the library or bookstore and get the book called, The Courage To Heal. It's the most helpful tool to have and my friends have said it helped them so, so much when dealing with this.

You are having flashbacks (the mind does this, repress the bad memories to cope and then releases the memories down the road...it's normal)

But, to help deal with what happened to you I recommend the book and for you to call a therapist....you need someone to talk to. Your friends and family can only do so much...I would call soon, because this damage can stay with you for a very long time if you don't heal from it and can potentially affect your daily life and relationships with friends, family, girlfriends in the future.

Go out and buy that book a.s.a.p.!

It's not the kind of book that you have to read from front to back,but can read bits at a time....different chapters for different things that come up, sort of thing...

keep us posted.

This was a big deal what happened to you and it was wrong. Please follow my advice. I've had friends wait much, much too long to get help or read self-help books and they are so regretful they didn't start the healing process much sooner.

[freckles3131]

Also, maybe if you "google" some key points you can also find online help....maybe start with "flashbacks from sexual abuse" and "how to heal from abuse"