human Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 i have been dating the perfect girl for 5 months. to me she is a perfect 10 as far as looks go. i have been having the most unbelievable sex with her - far better than anything i've ever experienced, and she tells me she's having the best sex of her life with me. beyond the physical we are so perfect for each other in so many ways. from same taste in food to same taste in humor to views on spirituality. in this short time she has become my best friend and someone i have been 100% honest about everything since the beginning - i've never had that experience before. these last 5 months have been the happiest of my entire life (i'm 37 she's 32). my friends and family all tell me they've never seen me so happy and everyone is happy for me. i love her more than anything and i truly believe she loves me. she tells me she has never loved anyone like she loves me and that she believes i am her soulmate. i feel the same way. also she is not a golddigger - she is a successful professional. i am also successful. we really have no problems at all. we argue occasionally but its over miscommunications and never anything significant. but there is this dark side of me that has shown itself that i have never known before. it has been eating at me. i have tried to tell her about it and she has listened and been patient but i can tell her patience is starting to wear a little thin. the thing that bothers me the most is right before she met me, she was dating this 25 yo male model. she booked a trip to visit him and he dumped her before she left for the trip. she decided to go on her trip anyways, and ended up meeting me and we fell in love and the rest is history. two weeks into our relationship she told me about the whole story with him and it really hurt me. but she has done everything to prove to me she's over him like unfriend him on fb and remove him from all of her chats and phone etc. and she doesnt talk to him. i truly believe she loves me. i truly believe she would never cheat on me. it's not like i think she is secretly talking to that guy anymore. but i am so stupid. i am so crazy. i have been obsessing over this guy. stalking him on facebook and going through her old emails. it is so painful to do it but i dont know why i continue. i have read emails where she tells her friend the sex with that guy was "amazing". that kills me even though she is telling me now that she is having the best sex of her life with me. i don't know whats wrong with me. it shouldnt bother me. but i am seriously considering breaking up with her because i can't handle this. i rationalize these thoughts of breaking up by saying "well i am a good looking guy too and if we break up i will have lots of girls to replace her". or "well it was good while it lasted" or "well if it seems too good to be true then it probably is" I guess part of me feels like i am second choice that if he hadn't dumped her she would have seen him on her trip and not met me. she used to tell him she loved him but she has told me it was not a deep love like it is with me and that she has never loved anyone as much as me. i am freaking out because i feel old and he is so young and good looking and gave her "amazing sex". i am so dumb. i am afraid i'm going to make a mistake i'll regret the rest of my life. but at the same time i'm going through so much pain over this. the jealousy is kind of like a bad drug addiction.
dreamingoftigers Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 retroactive jealousy, look it up. and of course if you keep pursuing things about their relationship you are going to find the positives being mentioned. It seems like you are forgetting the negatives (i.e. they are obviously over now). It would seem a shame to sacrifice a great relationship because of your own insecurity. You actually are #1. Women don't tend to gravitate towards the looks and youth the way men do, she is probably actually way happier with you and feels much more secure. Despite what you may think, security and comfort is actually pretty sexy to women. Sounds counter-intuitive to a guy I am sure but it is the truth. The more time you put in with her, the more she will value you and forget about him. Something tells me that after 5 months she has already forgotten about him. I have been hung up on my husband's exes, then last night we were having a casual discussion and you know what? He told me he thought it was weird that he couldn't remember eye colours for any of them and one he could remember that she needed glasses. crazy...
Green Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Seriously dude you need to get over yourself and quick because you will regret what is going to happen if you continue this way. Just get over it, you are losing your mind and have no logic when it comes to this. SNAP OUT OF IT. c'mon this is your dream girl.... why in the heck would you go through her emails and stalk this guy on FB... omg. Would you be happier if she had dated some 40 year old broke guy before you and been the one to break up??? or are you just looking for a virgin
starwolf242 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Green is right. You've surely had exes before that at one time you thought were amazing and that you loved? But they are exes because eventually you realised they weren't the right fit. And now you've met this woman and she blows the rest of them out of the water. From what she's telling you, she's feeling the same way that you're the top of the pile and have raised the bar for her. With all due respect 32 is not the same as 18. She is a mature woman not some flighty teenager. Give her some credit. Perhaps it was fate that she met you. After all, if I was planning to see a guy and he dumped me before I got there, I would no longer go. She obviously still felt she wanted to, met you and LUCKILY was single. The way i see it, it worked out in your favour. Her past is her past. It can't be changed and sure as hell should not be affecting her future with you. Ignore the jealous, paranoid guy causing havoc in your mind and just be thankful that you and her were brought together. After all, if events hadn't played out as they have, you may never have met and that would be a tragedy for you. Enjoy it!!
txsilkysmoothe Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I completely agree with you about the stupid and dumb part. You're blaming her for feelings she had in a past relationship, before she ever knew you existed?? Seriously?? Are you 12? You have a very immature perception of romantic relationships and human feelings. You know you're wrong so stop it or you will lose her.
norajane Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 i don't know whats wrong with me. it shouldnt bother me. but i am seriously considering breaking up with her because i can't handle this. i rationalize these thoughts of breaking up by saying "well i am a good looking guy too and if we break up i will have lots of girls to replace her". or "well it was good while it lasted" or "well if it seems too good to be true then it probably is" Are you a commitment phobe? Or do you have intimacy issues? Because it sounds like you found a stupid excuse to break up with a woman with whom you have a fantastic relationship, the kind of relationship people search for their entire lives and are really lucky to find. So, maybe you are subconsciously choosing to sabotage it with this irrational jealousy. That way, you can just continue to date the rest of your life instead of committing to a great relationship and rationalize it away as doomed to fail from the start. Go to therapy or something. Because at 37 if you're expecting to find a virgin who never dated, had fantastic sex, and loved anyone before you came into her life, you are screwed. You are never going to let any woman love you, and you will never commit to anyone, because only 15 year old virgins meet that criteria.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 "Don't you think there might be more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking?!?!?"
Fouts Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Dude, what's the matter with you? People have pasts, have YOU ever had great sex with a partner before her? Of course you have. Perhaps the sex life you and her have made her redefine "amazing", as it did for you. Relax, if she wanted to be with him, she would try. She's happy being with you. If you don't stop obsessing you will lose her and then some other guy will get to have amazing sex with her. Man up, start living in the now and enjoy life.
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