Ncb89 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Hi all, So i broke up with my boyfriend of about 3 years at the end of February, and was fine until about 2 weeks ago. I broke up with him because he wanted me to spend my summer with him in England, while i have my own life to lead. He is 26 and I am 20. There is no way i am ready to settle down. We had talked about this for a while and when i decided that I wasn't going to go there he told me, "You are a bitch, and I hope you die." and then hung up. That was that for me. We'd been going through rocky times and that was just the icing on the cake for me. We would fight all the time but that inparticular fight was the end. I was very angry at him, and was happy with our breakup-until one day i decided it was silly to "hate" eachother after all the love and good times we had, so i called him just to reconcile. After i broke up with him he was calling me and telling me he agreed that we shuold be broken up, but that we should atleast stay civil and talk here and there. Since i was still very angry at him i shouted no, and to stop calling me. I called him 2 weeks ago(about 5 weeks after our initial split), and when he picked up after hearing it was me on the other line he went "HA!" and hung up. I was very shocked at his immaturity, i get a text straight after from him-the text read: "Do not contact me, I've been going to therapy and taking anti-depressants to get over you. You have broken me for the last time." Is this my fault? Is it my fault he isn't a stronger person? He expects me to feel guilt. Now if this is true or not, I don't know. In itself it was wrong of him to tell me about that because he KNEW it'd upset me. Even after though I felt as though we shouldn't hate eachother. It's been about 2 months since we officially split and I pretty much jumped into another relationship, even though it is no where near serious, just casual and fun. My heartache/anger over my ex though is interfering with this new thing i have with this guy and its hard. What should I do? Was I right for ending it with him? Should I not be seeing this guy so soon? Will I get over my ex eventually? Thank you.
EthanH Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 ok, my first emotion after reading this was anger. I mean, what do you expect. You broke up with him! Do you think it is fair for you to be in any kind of contact with him, unless you have decided for certain, 100%, cast-iron, that you want to get back with him? You ripped his heart out and now you want to speak to him again, no wonder he is angry, and he is just trying to protect himself. Look at the situation for what it is, speaking to him in this way is not fair! His actions might be considered by you to be immature, but in reality, they are just him showing his anger at you for what you did, and the fact he is brief with his comments is because, well... what is there to say? He clearly said to you when you broke up that he was fine with it because, he didn't want to come over as the victim. Just remember through all of this that he is trying to protect himself, and leave with some form of self respect. Um, as for you... I think you know you aren't ready for anything with anyone. You missed the security that you got from him, and so you want to replace that, someone to hug you when you are sleeping etc. But you know, it won't make you feel better in the long run, and tbh, it is unfair on the guy you are currently with. What you need is to be single. You need to learn to be able to be on your own, so that it doesn't scare you, and you realise that in the future when you are with guys, you are with them because you want to be with them, NOT because you need to. Stand on your own two feet, play the field, learn about yourself, grow as a person, do things for you all the time, and then eventually, the feeling of wanting to be with a guy will hit you so hard, that when you do get into something, you won't see it as negative in any way. I know it hurts, but you aren't being fair on him. You are lonely, you miss what you had with him (although i doubt you will admit it even to yourself)... but to think that a random new guy is going to replace that is just silly. Remember why you broke up with him... because you aren't ready for a relationship... so remember that, and act on it...
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