Tim The Enchanter Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Almost a month to the day of NC. She dumped me (pretty callously, I might add) on Easter Monday. I'd tried to get her back twice before with some success - she'd said things like "I'm falling under your spell again" and such like. We'd made out a couple of times in her car. Anyway, the way she treated me on Easter Monday, I was very angry and had no problems deleting her number and all traces of her. But she started to text me, about once a week. Things like "hi, how are you?" and "what have you been up to?". I'd always answers, but I'd keep it short and neutral. We used to append a "xxx" to the end of our texts - she is still doing that when she texts me, but I've stopped doing that because I'm no longer her boyfriend. Every time, I'd delete her number afterward, but she'd text again and I'd add it back. So it's been a month, and I hadn't heard from her for a while. I don't know why, but I felt this uncontrollable urge to call her. I stayed at a friends on Saturday and all I could think of was calling her. Sunday morning, I cracked and called her. She didn't answer. Then she calls back and we talk for about an hour and a half. Nothing heavy, just catching up and lots of laughter. She told me about a row she'd had with one of her housemates, and how she'd thought about calling me (because I'm undergoing an anger management program). At the end of the call, there was a bit of an odd feeling where we didn't know quite what to say. Usually I'd say "shall I call you tomorrow?" but I didn't. She just said "call me". I feel that I've let myself down a bit by calling this woman who dumped me quite remorselessly, but at the same time I miss her and think the texts indicate that to some extent. She seemed pleased to hear from me and returned my call, and we talked for well over an hour. I'm really torn over this. I know that she is bad news, but I've never had as much fun with someone as with her. I have every intention of trying to find someone else, but I have this feeling that I will still be thinking of my ex. At the moment, I don't want to lose contact with her, but I'm not sure if I want to get back. I'd love that more than anything, but I'm not sure I trust her. Please give me your thoughts.
lvixen Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 If you want to get over her, go NC. If you don't really care, keep texting her and calling her. NC is not easy, it requires a lot of strength and courage. But its something you MUST do for yourself if you ever plan on getting over her. She dumped you, have some self-respect and don't call her or text her. You said you have a lot of fun with her, there are other women that you have fun with too if you give it a chance. Maybe not right now but when you're over this one you will. She is probably playing games with you by texting you. Maybe she feels guilty, or shes lonely or bored and looking for someone to talk to. Don't give her that satisfaction. Break off contact, restore your dignity and start to move on. Don't let her use you! Ultimately its not up to me or anyone else on here, NC is something you must do for yourself. Hopefully you make the decision that is right for YOU. Good luck.
CaliGuy Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Did you read my thread on NC? Also, the way she keeps in contact with you is simply an avenue for her to boost her self esteem at your expense. Not a good idea to continue talking to her.
Author Tim The Enchanter Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 Did you read my thread on NC? Also, the way she keeps in contact with you is simply an avenue for her to boost her self esteem at your expense. Not a good idea to continue talking to her. I read your thread, it was very helpful. My problem is that this isn't the first time we've broken up. The first time it happened, I tried to reason with her and she agreed to meet me. I told her I loved her and then we kissed in my car. We agreed to take things slowly and it looked like I'd won her back. I saw her a second evening and it was like things were back to normal (almost). Then the third time we met, she claimed to be ill (she'd been out drinking over the weekend and was still sick) and wanted to leave after an hour. I got angry and we had an argument in the car park, where I accused her of not liking me. As a result, she dumped me a second time. I totally blamed myself for it and started on an anger management program. Again I tried to reason with her, and again she seemed like she wanted a reconciliation. But then when we met again, she changed her mind and dumped me again. I know what you're thinking - I'm stupid for constantly going back for more punishment. The trouble is, at the back of my mind I'm constantly thinking "what if?". What if I hadn't lost my temper in the car park?
TaraMaiden Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I read your thread, it was very helpful. My problem is that this isn't the first time we've broken up. no, this isn't your problem. Your problem is that you're incapable of maintaining NC. I know what you're thinking - I'm stupid for constantly going back for more punishment. No, not at all...... Oh, ok, well, actually, yes. The trouble is, at the back of my mind I'm constantly thinking "what if?". What if I hadn't lost my temper in the car park? You already have that answer. And twice now, it hasn't worked. This 'what if' question, isn't the one you should be asking. Because ever time you ask your self the "Yes but, what if" question, you keep yourself stuck in the past, and you go on playing the stuck record. the choice is yours. do you want to keep looking back and perpetually kicking yourself in the "YesBUTTwhatif?" How about asking yourself a different set of questions? What if I finally drop this? What if I just go on with my life instead of holding myself back? What if she does drop out of my life? What if I keep doing this to myself the whole time, and stay exactly where I am? What if I just give up all thought of moving on, and never actually have a future?
annxxdisaster Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Because ever time you ask your self the "Yes but, what if" question, you keep yourself stuck in the past, and you go on playing the stuck record. the choice is yours. do you want to keep looking back and perpetually kicking yourself in the "YesBUTTwhatif?" How about asking yourself a different set of questions? What if I finally drop this? What if I just go on with my life instead of holding myself back? What if she does drop out of my life? What if I keep doing this to myself the whole time, and stay exactly where I am? What if I just give up all thought of moving on, and never actually have a future? That's a really excellent way to think about things, I love mulling over the 'what ifs' but I never even fathomed thinking of asking myself things like that!
whichwayisup Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ A great thread by No Foolin'. The NC guide. Hope this helps!
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