dietpepsi Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 My breakup was a big blow to me, it felt like the ground was pulled from underneath my feet. I have dated since, worked on becoming a better person, and this has helped me to an extent. I have tried not to be a hermit, tried staying social, and I have done all of the great pieces of advice I have received here and from friends etc. But it's 8 months later, and I still feel there is a giant hole in my heart. All of the improvements I've made for myself, only want to make me share them with my ex. She has been cold, friendly, nice, mean, talked about me behind my back, no one in my life has ever treated me like such a burden, but a burden she for some reason still gave attention to despite her words or actions, or taken me through such a roller coaster of emotions. I try to stay positive the best I can, but I'm very very sad on the inside. I know other people who have moved on much much quicker than I, and I don't feel normal. I hardly even remember the last 8 months of my life, it's a blur of thinking about her and the relationship, and it all just blends together. I don't want to live like this anymore, I see this new great person in the mirror, but don't recognize the person on the inside. It makes me feel very weak, that i can't stop thinking about it, it's like my brain is so programmed to think about it all day, I can't turn it off. After 8 months, sometimes i still get angry for no reason, at the mere thought of her, or seeing her pass by at work. I just can't seem to quit this toxic pattern, I have developed for myself. Does anybody have any inspirational stories out there, to let me know my brain isn't broken.
northstar1 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 My breakup was a big blow to me, it felt like the ground was pulled from underneath my feet. I have dated since, worked on becoming a better person, and this has helped me to an extent. I have tried not to be a hermit, tried staying social, and I have done all of the great pieces of advice I have received here and from friends etc. But it's 8 months later, and I still feel there is a giant hole in my heart. All of the improvements I've made for myself, only want to make me share them with my ex. She has been cold, friendly, nice, mean, talked about me behind my back, no one in my life has ever treated me like such a burden, but a burden she for some reason still gave attention to despite her words or actions, or taken me through such a roller coaster of emotions. I try to stay positive the best I can, but I'm very very sad on the inside. I know other people who have moved on much much quicker than I, and I don't feel normal. I hardly even remember the last 8 months of my life, it's a blur of thinking about her and the relationship, and it all just blends together. I don't want to live like this anymore, I see this new great person in the mirror, but don't recognize the person on the inside. It makes me feel very weak, that i can't stop thinking about it, it's like my brain is so programmed to think about it all day, I can't turn it off. After 8 months, sometimes i still get angry for no reason, at the mere thought of her, or seeing her pass by at work. I just can't seem to quit this toxic pattern, I have developed for myself. Does anybody have any inspirational stories out there, to let me know my brain isn't broken. Well, it isn't broken, it's just trying to make sense of things. I came to LS in the spring of 2008, after a breakup. That one left me reeling, depressed, couldnt' think of anything but her, felt alone. That summer was terrible for me, I was going through the motions to be honest. I didn't feel like myself, always felt on edge. Did counselling, tried dating others etc. I figured I'd never get better, or feel right or meet someone else. But , after about 7 months or so, I began to turn around and felt better. Part of this was time, part was going NC. You need to have the time for your brain to disasociate the thought processes that are wired to your ex's memories. You cannot do that by being in touch at all. I did move on and became happy again, etc. Dated again. It will happen, just understand it takes time and being away from your ex.
Eeyore79 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Your brain is not broken, it's just still fixated on your ex. Sometimes it can be difficult to get rid of that fixation when you don't have anything else to transfer it to; with my worst breakups I didn't get over things properly until I eventually met someone else (which took a few years in each case). I still occasionally have a little nostalgic pang when I think of the two exes I truly loved, but the hole in my heart is mostly filled up by someone else now Have you dated anyone who you really like or have feelings for yet? Maybe you, like me, need someone new to fill up that hole in your heart?
Author dietpepsi Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Your brain is not broken, it's just still fixated on your ex. Sometimes it can be difficult to get rid of that fixation when you don't have anything else to transfer it to; with my worst breakups I didn't get over things properly until I eventually met someone else (which took a few years in each case). I still occasionally have a little nostalgic pang when I think of the two exes I truly loved, but the hole in my heart is mostly filled up by someone else now Have you dated anyone who you really like or have feelings for yet? Maybe you, like me, need someone new to fill up that hole in your heart? I have dated around, but no one has really struck my fancy a lot you know? I also have this idea in my head that it's not fair to hurt someone by trying out a series of rebounds. Even though thats necessarily what it would be I guess, it's Like I shouldn't take anyone else down with me if that makes sense? Or maybe if i meet the right one i wont feel the same way. So I've dated but not anyone I really have feelings for. @North, well if you were 7 months, maybe I'm getting close then!
teanoranges Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 1 year broken up. 6 months NC here... still not completely over him, but really discovering that life goes on and will go on. It took me 3 months to begin accepting it was over and maybe 4 to really start healing... this is with NC, not including from the time we broke up! I crawled from the pits of hell to try and reclaim myself. I still don't know if I will ever meet someone able to touch my soul the way he did, but that doesn't matter to me right now, I won't let it. I am so busy trying to accomplish whatever I can on a whim.. It takes a lot of effort, and a lot of hope and faith to start crawling out. "I think I can" even in the hardest moments of doubt.
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