Cantcope Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 So, today is day 7 with NC. I'm so proud of myself. But today I have such an urge to see what he's up to on facebook. It will either make me terribly relieved and happy or really miserable and sad. I'm scared for the latter though. I unfriended him 2 weeks ago, so I've been thinking of asking a work friend (the only one that knew about us) to check and report back to me, or to let me just see through his iphone. Why do I want to see so bad? I just want to forget this a**hole already!!! Why am I so curious?????
collegemommy Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Don't do it! It's a horrible idea... I understand that you want to know what is going on and are working hard on the no contact (great job, btw!). Do not pour salt in the wound. It's not worth it. My situation is different in that my ex is now with someone. I checked his page and her page often. His page shows he is single and her page says relationship. He doesn't have a whole lot that upsets me other than a few minor things like when we first broke up. Her page is full of "had a great night with my baby, he is so wonderful, he is so amazing, was up really late last night but it was SOOOOO worth it...blah, blah, blah." I have completely blocked my access to her page because it KILLS me to read it. The point is, there may be something on his page that might upset you. Why hurt yourself? Right now, protect your feelings and just please don't do it.
Author Cantcope Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Thanks! I'm just sooooo hoping that there is nothing that would upset me since I would still love to reconcile. I know that unfriending him was the best thing to do. He's never been the type that would purposly post stuff to make me jealous (that was my game unfortunately). But I was extremely jealous all of the time and I would go nuts (not on him, but to myself) if I even saw one of his single female friends post on his page. I know my gut is telling me "don't do it", but my brain is sooooo curious.
collegemommy Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I get being curious. I was too. It's just not a good idea. Find something, anything, to distract you from wanting to look. He may not be the type to put stuff up to make you jealous but there could be things posted on there by other people that could upset you. I would hate for you to be even more heartbroken than you already are.
Author Cantcope Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 I hate working here anymore. I just had to sit with 2 co-workers that were talking about him, and how he helped their softball team last night by filling in for someone AFTER hitting the gym. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HIM! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT HE'S HITTING THE GYM AND WILL LOOK GREAT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM EVERY DAMNED DAY!!! This isn't fair. It's day 7! I don't want to be posting here in 3 months that I'm still miserable! I wonder if I'm feeling this way because he spoke to me yesterday. Breadcrumb anyone???
Chochobong Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Block both of them to help resist the temptation. Also this will hide their comments and wall posts on friends' pages.
Chochobong Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Never once did I gain satisfaction from looking at my SO's Facebook pages. Her page was ladened with comments about how great her life was (now without me) and how she was moving on. Once I found out her state of mind that she wasn't willing to work things out with me, I blocked her. Haven't looked back and I feel liberated.
Author Cantcope Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 They weren't talking on FB. They were talking in front of me. We work together and because dating in the workplace is a no-no here, noone knew about us, so I can't even politely ask them not to discuss him in front of me. As far as everyone is concerned, he and I are great friends. THIS SUCKS!
Green Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Why don't u work on the other key factor for NC ... actively not thinking about the other person... this entire thread is the wrong direction for you. Don't even think about the person
hoping4thebest Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 NEVER check facebook EVER! I did about 10 days ago and it was a bad idea.... She had arranged to meet an old male friend for drinks and a catch-up and her new profile picture was one of those sexy ones singles girls put up where they are looking as sexy as possible.... It was torture i have since deactivated my facebook and don't think i'll reactivate it EVER. it's a nightmare in situations like this. When we were together it wasn't much better, if we would ever have a fight she would always make the world aware she was sad.... really bugged me.... nothing is private anymore, your life is broadcast across to everyone Personally, it's just a popularity contest where you have very few real friends and everyone is trying to seem cool all the time .... it wreaks of insecurity.
Author Cantcope Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Saint....He doesn't have a GF right now, even though we're not FB friends, I can still see his pic, and it's the same one he had before, but thanks for being a jerk. Why do people like you think that the harsher you are, the better you make it for someone. I DO have to get on with my life, but making total jerk statements.... Let me ask you, what the in the hell are YOU doing on these boards if you are so in tune with life and moving on oh so well? And as for everyone else, thank you. I do see that I need to just keep him off of my mind, but it's hard when I run in to him 5 times a day at the office and have to hear people talk about him. 7 days with strict NC, and as a total text addict, I'm really proud of that!! I am finding things to do and think about him less (when I'm not here), but being in this place is a constant reminder. I won't look. Better that way. And thank you all for your support. I'm really lucky to have found you!
Author Cantcope Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 We only have one office, so I can't transfer, and I have an incredible, well paying job and am a single mom. Leaving is not an option. = (
Ilovecake Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Saint....He doesn't have a GF right now, even though we're not FB friends, I can still see his pic, and it's the same one he had before Like someone already said, BLOCK HIM, this way you will not see his picture or anything he posts. The best thing I did was block my ex from all the internet BS and get on with my life.
Author Cantcope Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Look, I didn't mean to be a b*tch, but seriously, the break up, empty house and void in my life are enough to deal with now without having someone tell me "he already has a gf". I need to deal with one thing at a time.....baby steps. Thanks!
Author Cantcope Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 I did it by the way....my obsessing got the worst of me and I looked in my friends iphone at his FB page. Not much to see, but he does have a new friend that is a girl. Nothing that I see going on...no pics of them together. She seems to be a relative of one of his best friends, but she's very pretty. Yes, I was hurt, yes I cried, yes I want to go into his office and kick the living crap out of him, yes I want to text him and ask if he's "doing" her. But why? So he can say I'm stalking him? He told me for the first year that we were together that he didn't want a serious relationship. Never even told me that he loved me, though if I asked, he'd say "you don't even know do you". Real romantic. So, I don't know why I fear that he will start a relationship with someone else. But I will tell you one thing, once he puts "it" elsewhere, it's NEVER going to be in me again! Damn me for looking! I knew better and did it anyway.
SadKitty78 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Don't do it....not worth it and it WILL drive you freakin crazy. You'll be checking constantly to see if he has a new GF yet, did he move to another state? updated pictures and things that will make you envious..wanting to talk to him again. Here's what I would do....screw the internet! get off of it, put the computer in the attic and shut off your internet service at home. Go outside and get some sun, kick around some rocks in the driveway lay down in the middle of a field and listen to nature, fall asleep and tell yourself..."it's my life and no other idiot, crazy, or EX BF is going to rule it" Then get up and try and go for your dreams...for you and no one else. It's just not worth driving yourself nuts over what an EX has posted online...it doesn't matter and it's a big waste of time. Move on. Thank you Thank you Thank you! While the OP may have found your message to be mean and considers you a "jerk" for saying it, I actually found your message to be very helpful to a lot of people who are going through breakups! I am 3 weeks post breakup and about 7 days NC (keep texting him while I'm drunk) and I've been looking at my ex's FB, at one point, about 15 times a day, and you are right, nothing good will come out of it! And you're right, some people aren't that sensitive about breakups and WILL post up pix of them with another person just to piss you off. Your words were very helpful and it's motivated me to stop looking at my ex's fb page, so thank! And Cantcop, I think SaintDragon meant well and really wasn't trying to be a jerk towards you. There are many ways in which people "assist" others on this board and some do it in a very "sensitive" way and others do the, "let's get over this!" kinda manner and that helps a lot of people too. So I don't think SaintDragon meant any harm with his response. In fact, after reading his response, I applied it to my situation, which is similar to yours, and thinking, "wow, thanks, I need to hear this!"..
cookie10 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I'm definitely in the same boat except for the fact that I still ended up checking his profile. And when I did I found that some girl wrote on his wall and said what a fun night she had drinking tequilas with him. Ouch! My advice is to do everything that will help you avoid going and checking his facebook. Maybe its time I start taking my own advice.
SadKitty78 Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I'm definitely in the same boat except for the fact that I still ended up checking his profile. And when I did I found that some girl wrote on his wall and said what a fun night she had drinking tequilas with him. Ouch! My advice is to do everything that will help you avoid going and checking his facebook. Maybe its time I start taking my own advice. Ouch! Oh I'm so sorry to hear that! 1 month and almost 2 weeks on and I'm STILL looking at his FB. It's turning into a habit now and I am afraid one of these days I'll stumble onto something like that and have the wound be re-opened again! Lesson here is: Delete them from your FB or at the very least, stop looking! But it's just soooo hard to do!!!
alltoomuch Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 dont do it, i am friends with my ex still on facebook and it isnt helping me. we promised we would remain friends on their but all i keep seeing is new girls becoming his friends... he cheated me by going on line so i know where he is meeting them. i also find it difficult to delete because i am good friends with all his family and they would disapear too. it is too painful. look after yourself x
Author Cantcope Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 I'm now at day 22 NC! Can't believe it. I have resisted the urge to check his FB through my friends phone (I unfriended him, so I can't see his profile). HOWEVER, I still see things that he posts on other peoples pages. I know I need to just block him already so that I can't see a damn thing, but it's hard. I commented on something a friend posted the other day, and he knew it was a dig at him. He immediately sent me a text that said.... "Why do you feel the need to talk s*it on fb? I've been nice to u, I say hi when I see you, and you wanna just be a d*ck. Grow Up". I did not reply. Part of me feels that I have a right to post what I want in response to something that someone else says, but I did regret it. I don't want him to know that he still affects me. Lesson learned. I see now that he's a member of a page "I'm going to sit back and laugh when karma punches you in the face". Really? I deserve bad karma now? For what? Loving him? Maybe too much.... Guys....we will be ok. I know that we will. We are good people, with good hearts. We can love, we do love....and one day we will receive the love that we desire....AND DESERVE!
LoveTruthChaos Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Ah sweetie! Reading your plight actually makes my plight feel better - at least I'm not the only one going through it, eh? LOL My ex ended it 6 weeks ago. He was already cheating before he ended it. My sixth sense told me that. I stayed off FB for a month. Then, I had a dream about him. A vivid one. The first one since he broke it off. And then, when I woke up, something SCREAMED in my head 'check his FB' He was listed as 'in a relationship'. Imagine how much my heart broke, my body shook and I started to shut down ALL over again. And then, I couldn't keep the smile off my face all day. mainly it was good timing - I was meeting up with a friend already that day, and I got to trash talk the s**t out of him LOL But you know what made me smile? I finally knew the truth, once and for all. I remained friends with him for a week longer, but when I spent too much time looking at his page and getting anxious at the trash that his new girlfriend would post on his wall...I blocked his ass! I guess what I'm trying to say is. FB is great for finding out the truth, if there IS truth that you need to know. If there is not, or if you have enough mutual friends who will let you know what he's up to anyway (my ex and I have more than 200 mutual friends, so I'm gonna hear his Karma no matter what) - then block him. In the end, what you don't know cannot hurt you. It's been a little over a week since I blocked him, and I'm doing significantly better each day Oh - and why don't you join a FB group called: 'Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a retard in tin foil' I HAD to join it Good luck! xx
hoping2heal Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 So, today is day 7 with NC. I'm so proud of myself. But today I have such an urge to see what he's up to on facebook. It will either make me terribly relieved and happy or really miserable and sad. I'm scared for the latter though. I unfriended him 2 weeks ago, so I've been thinking of asking a work friend (the only one that knew about us) to check and report back to me, or to let me just see through his iphone. Why do I want to see so bad? I just want to forget this a**hole already!!! Why am I so curious????? It's normal to WANT to check and to WANT to know. For one, you want to see if they seem bummed out and sullen or if they seem happy and carefree. You want to know if they still care about you and furthermore if there is any possible indication; a post; a message in a status;something, anything that points to that person still caring about you and inevitably wanting you back. However, this will only serve to prolong the pain. I know it's difficult and incredibly painful. Breakups are hard to take but meeting the guy who loves and accepts and absolutely adores you; flaws included is so worth losing the guys who could not. Of course, sometimes guys have very valid reasons for breaking up with us. Things that we need to fix; Either way breakups can be a good learning experience for that and prepare us for our future relationships.
Stephie Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Don't do it take it from me I did and ended up so much worse. First time I had someone look his comment said "I shoot the lights but curse the dark" so I googled it and it came up as a song called "It aint easy being me" by Chris Knight part of the chorus said "I need your love but I break your heart I know the words to stop you but I watch you pack" so of course I ate that up I thought he is thinking of me he is hurting too so guess what I contacted him and tried to say everything I could to win him back that of course didn't work and I ended off worse. The last time I had someone look at his page there were posts about his new job, and the fun times he is having and that alone is just as bad as seeing girls writing stuff. It ruined my day thinking I am sitting here miserable, hurting, crying, and hes happy having a blast. I then thought I can never compare to that our nights consisted of curling up on the couch watching movies or going to bed early how boring. So please to protect your heart don't do it there is no need to know what he is doing you already have an idea don't confirm it!
bluestraps Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Facebook is great My ex and I chat on there . Why not check up on them especialy if they post all ther wall posts and interests. If you cant handle it its to soon
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