OhGeesh Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 (edited) A quick recap my "first love" and I started talking on Facebook in Jan 2010. You can see the other thread for a quick version of the story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t216252/ This is the conudrum, enigma, problem, etc. My wife hates this person........ now that is a strong word, but when I say there was drama back then...there was...and when I say it was bad it was BAD!! So, needless to say her knowing that we've talked at all would be a instant WAR just because of the past. To know we still talk would be the stereotypical "Why?", "What's the purpose?", "What good can come from that?", and WWIII would ensue .... what real answer does anyone have to those questions? No one has a good answer and neither do I!! I have a decent one though.........let's just say she is the only person besides my wife that knew me when I was a screw up, knew my family, grandparents, which are mostly deceased now, she and I had alot of history so to speak. I know her family, so it's cool to see and catch up. I have to reiterate I would have no problem my wife reading everything we've ever said (written) to each other than 1 excerpt of the 1 time we did talk about the past months ago....never to be brought up again. My conscience is clear I still can't justify talking to her though! IMO, when push comes to shove no man or woman can if the spouse is truly against it. I know all the rules and if my wife feels threatened by "whatever behavior or action" the right action is I should stop that behavior ....end of story!! Well as you can see from my tone I don't want to stop talking to this person nor do I want to tell her because then I'll be forced to stop not to mention the big fight etc etc. So, now I'm stuck! Being a bit selfish here I know. I guess my deal is I rationalie it saying to myself...... I've never cheated since we've been married, I'm a great dad, husband, and provider!! You need to trust me and she does 1000000%, but I can't say that because in the end I know she'll be unhappy, mad, disappointed, etc......and if she isn't happy/secure what good is it? We are both very very happily married live very far apart, don't share numbers, and don't really talk talk. It's more "Ha ha, look at your Dad now that's crazy!" "Wow 3 kids that's aweseome" "Great pics" say 2-3 times a week. and her responses are the same......"I'm so happy for you guys" "So, happy that ya'll are happy!" "Wow, look at your family, who would have thought!'......so now I'm taking my own medicine I give others what are going to do? I am the breadwinner, pride myself in gifts, datenight, sharing chores, being super dad, encouraging, a great listener, flirt with my wife constantly, I really am a great guy.......now I feel tarnished because I've never done anything like this in our marriage. Never had a urge to cheat ever or at least not anything that was actionable........and still don't......but but but....... like I said in the linked post I've thought about my EX ever since she became a EX, but years ago the internet wasn't what it is now. Social networking has made talking to old friends easy!! Now it's decision time tell the wife and deal with it be forced to stop talking to her? Or don't tell and and deal with it when the skeleton in the closet is found if it's found? Both suck royally to me....... which to choose? I'm leaning skeleton FYI worth......it's that self preservation thing I guess, but I don't know. Might go drink some wine and say "Hey you know what....................?" Edited May 4, 2010 by OhGeesh
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