Lesbian Relationship Doomed From the Start?

[karma84]

Ok, I'm not sure exactly where I should begin. I met this girl online last year. We began having platonic convos, as we had similar interests in various areas. I knew she was a total player ... and was not interested in her in "that way".

 

This girl (who I'll call leslie) had admitted to me online during the course of our online friendship that she had some rather abnormal attributes. She has different PERSONAS or personalities... although, unlike a person with multiple personality disorder, she is fully aware & in control of them.

 

Leslie dresses like a guy (or what you would call "stud" or "butch" in the lesbian community). That was how I knew her at this point in our relationship. She had several other identities though, she admitted.... including a feminine one that wears dresses and makeup. However, she rarely exposes this side to anyone in the lesbian community.

 

So time passes & we continue to talk on the social networking website.... I invited her to my house warming, and she gladly accepted. It was clear to me that she had some type of interest in me by her body language... she sort of leaned in to kiss when we said good-bye, but I turned my head. I made it clear that I wasn't interested in the player persona she was showing me, and that I wanted to see her without that mask on.

 

She invited me out on a date and wore a dress & makeup... like a femme. We had talked previously about this date, and she had sort of implied that she wanted "something" to happen... She said she was feeling frisky or something of that nature.

 

However, the date ended up to be a bit awkward & disappointing. In the beginning, we got along fine, but as the night dragged on, she started acting funny. By the end of the night when we were driving in my car, she looked like she wanted to fall asleep. When I dropped her off at her house, she invited me in. I tried to kiss her .... and did some over the clothes type of foreplay.. she was moaning, but wasn't really responsive otherwise and her eyes were shut closed.... i stopped because I didn't want to feel like I was raping a corpse. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that her butch personality would know how to act, but she didn't. We vaguely discussed the night online afterwards, but she wasn't divulging any more information and acted like she had 0 interest, so I said screw it, I'm not chasing this girl... We agreed to stay friends.

 

We started kicking it as "just friends" and going out every weekend for about two months... dancing, drinking, dressing up, causing chaos.. looking for girls... talking about deep things, that it's hard for me to communicate with other people about. Surprisingly, we shared a lot of common interests/personality traits.... and a connection on another level outside of what was originally intended, & we became pretty comfortable around one another. I was completely fine with that. I liked having her as a friend.

 

She had a previous addiction problem that I won't get into depth about. She relapsed and things started to change... she didn't hit me up every day like she used to & started withdrawing herself from everything....

 

Anyways, after a few weeks, she came by my place to pick up "pills" I offered her (stupidly - that I got from the doc for my injury) and brought a note, a rose, and a cupcake.. the note read something to the effect of, "Our relationship is complicated. I wish you would tell me how you feel."

 

I thought she was playing more games, and wrote her online saying I do not appreciate this ambiguous two-sentenced letter...

 

More time passed... I still wanted her in my life and missed her company for some odd reason. I went out one night and texted her and said that none of these girls can dance at this club & too bad she wasn't there to dance with me. Things were cool until I told her that I picked up some girl, at which point she said "whatever" and discontinued our convo shortly after.

 

It was clear that she was a little bit jealous, but I wasn't sure if she really liked me that way.

 

Last weekend, I invited her out with my friends and I. We went to a party that was hosted by this girl who is very much into me. Just fyi, the girl (we'll call her natalie) is attractive, smart, successful and caring... and treats me like gold... unlike leslie.

 

From the beginning of the night, leslie was acting like a total assh*le to me. She dressed up like her "stud" persona, and was asking me to buy her stuff, cussing at me and sending derogatory stuff to my phone when I left her alone in the club for even a few minutes. When things started to die down, and my friends wanted to leave, natalie asked me to stay and said she'd pay for my friend's cab fair. Leslie began tripping out and acting very possessive.

 

After hours of tense interaction, leslie tells me that she wants to tell me something. I said ok, then shoot... but every time she got close to it, she'd change the subject. Finally, I had it and said either spit it out or I'm leaving. One of my best friends told her to stop playing games and come out with it...

 

As I was about to drive away in my car, leslie told me she wanted me to be her girlfriend. I told her that would be like stabbing myself in the foot with a fork... I know all of her flaws, plus she's a player etc... She said she'd be loyal to me. Long story shorter.... I said I would date her. She got the wrong impression. We ate dinner and she brought our anniversary date up. I reconfirmed that I agreed to date her (haven't been in a committed relationship in 5 years, since my mother died) and want to take things slow. She took this as I wanted to be with other people and got pissed off, so we began arguing AGAIN and ended up fighting over a $23 dinner bill. She circled stuff on the receipt and was acting totally rude & obnoxious saying I ordered it when I didn't. We were both drunk and made a scene.

 

It seems half the time we're together we fight. She is a headcase. She has multiple personalities... and I am not willing to put up with the stud one. She said that she wants to get rid of it... but her attire/actions last weekend prove otherwise. She's an addict who is currently unemployed. One of the sides of her that I know is a player. We had a talk about this stuff, and she said she wants to work on her issues. Should I believe that she is willing to change all this for me? I keep wondering if she has hidden motives behind wanting to be in a relationship with me - ie score more pills/use me for personal gain.

 

There is a part of me that really, really does want to give it a shot because I haven't been into someone like THIS in years. I'm always thinking about her... unlike many other people I've dated the past few years, it's not all about the conquest or sex... I really want to just hold her hand. hahah..

 

I know she's trying to take steps int the right direction now to improve herself and current circumstances - like going to self help workshops, counseling, planning on detoxing, etc, but still...... should I even attempt this or do you think it's doomed to fail from the start?

 

If you've read this far, thanks. I appreciate any input.

Edited May 4, 2010 by karma84

[Sivok]

Personally I'd move on. She's a headcase and someone very hard to handle. Also, I really don't think she'll change.

 

I'm just worried you'll get more into her and her antics will end up crushing you.

[Rorschach]

I'm sorry I don't have time to read your whole post right now, though I probably will later. but I really felt I had to post that I found it hilarious that we're using the name leslie for a lesbian.

 

leslie the lesbo...

 

I don't know, I just find that funny, anyway carry on

[Knittress]

She needs serious mental help, not a girlfriend. Read what you wrote - do YOU think she's healthy enough to maintain a relationship, where there is good communication and both parties are having their needs addressed? She is way too 'needy,' in a sad bittersweet sense, to give you anything more than heartache.

[karma84]

Thanks, Sivok and Knittress for your input. A part of me (the rational part) totally agrees with you. She's too needy/cookoo and needs a therapist, not a gf. The other part of me (the lunatic that is either a masochist or a hopeless romantic), doesn't want to throw the soiled towel in yet. I agreed to go on a vacation getaway cruise self-help thing with her this month.... which may turn out to be a big mistake. They say you never know a person until you live with them. Guess 4 nights on a boat is the next best thing. If I don't see any progress with her & stuff we've talked about, I am going to break this off.

 

And yea, Rorschach, Leslie the Lesbo is a pretty funny pseudonym, haha.. wasn't even trying to be funny, but hey.

[SouthernSunshine]

Since when do mood swings equate to having different personalities? If that's the case, I have about 15 different people living in my head. She sounds like a versatile lesbian which is pretty normal. Although why would you spend one minute with someone who claims to have multiple personalities? She's emotionally unstable, but you already know this. Maybe you find her behavior interesting, and you want to help her? Just be careful..

[karma84]

I guess, when people drastically alter their appearance, behavior, & characteristics to fit their mood at any given time, that's when mood swings equate to multiple personalities... I mean, I've been in the lesbian scene for a min now, and I can honestly say I've never seen any chic take it as far as she does. I've dated girls that would assume the stereotypical butch role by switching attire, and the next day wear girly makeup and dress clothes, but she takes it to a whole different level. Her attitude changes, she becomes more/less dominant, it affects her voice, and her interaction with others (talkative - butch, quiet - femme). I do understand in a way. I am not the sanest person myself; however, I believe that in order for people to attain a balance in their life, they need to find a way to fuse most of their traits comfortably into one being.... If they can't do that, then they're obviously not comfortable in their own skin and are switching over to avoid conflict within themselves.

 

I do tend to fall for people who are mentally/emotionally ill. As far as finding her behavior interesting, I won't lie and say I didn't in the beginning, but being around someone who takes bipolar to new heights can be a bit overwhelming as time drags on. I want to help her overcome her addiction and mental probs, I just don't want to hurt myself in the process, or be with someone who is un-able/willing to change. Anyways, thanks for reading & leaving your two cents.