Ellezz Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I met him online and we have been talking for like a month. He is so great, it's just amazing the way we feel about each other:love:. Sadly he lives on another continent. So he said he is coming to see me soon, I think we will have great time together, but I don't know how to deal with it afterwards, shall we start a relationship? :confused:Dating is problematic, it's going to be hard for us even to see each other. Or just have fun when he comes and move on? But I really like him... Anyone has similar experience? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Author Ellezz Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 I'd give it more than a month before a meet... Something doesn't feel right with this one..sorry. One month online in another country and he wants to come meet you...hmmmmm Your age if you do not mind. Did I sound that childish? I'm actually finishing college. I'm quite cautious though, did some background check about him too and everything he told me turned out true.
Arabella Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 If he's coming to meet her in her own country (as opposed to asking her to come see him) he's the one putting himself in a vulnerable position, especially if he's the one footing the bill for his travel expenses. I wouldn't worry Ellezz. At least, not based on the information you've given us. Have a great time and keep us posted Arabella
marsle85 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Just asking if she should start a relationship with some dude after they meet that she talked to online for only a month tells me that she should slow it down a bit. In 6 months if he's still interested and still there....then meet. But, theoretically- if money is no issue to him, why shouldn't they meet up? In any other instance they would... and it's necessary for a healthy relationship. My friend met this guy in Cali while she was there for a weekend. She ended up staying another week, and before you know it- every other week he's coming in to visit, he has an apartment up here and now she's moving in with him this summer. JUST- be careful. Make SURE someone knows where you are at ALL times.
Arabella Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Just asking if she should start a relationship with some dude after they meet that she talked to online for only a month tells me that she should slow it down a bit. In 6 months if he's still interested and still there....then meet. To what end would they wait? Imho if she has decided she likes him well enough to consider a potential relationship with him, the sooner they meet the better. The last thing she wants is to become (even more) emotionally attached to someone whom she hasn't even met yet. Imagine after 6 months waiting, they meet and they don't like each other. Like Marsle85 said, if he has the money to come visit, why not? I would also echo the concern for safety though! In today's world, a woman can't ever be too careful. Arabella
kittykat84 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 As long as you have family that know what you are doing then it's okay I guess. Don't put too many expectations until you meet him though. There's no need to try to answer the question of whether you should have a relationship before you've even met him for real. Ease off any obligation and just be cool - have coffee, go to the movies and enjoy the NOW. Deal with what to do next when the time comes for him to go.
Eeyore79 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Which country are you in, and which country is he in? What's the time difference? Is time and expense going to severely limit how much you could see each other? Or will it be difficult to regularly get time off work in order to meet up? If this relationship is going to go anywhere, one of you would have to emigrate sooner or later, and depending on which countries are involved the only option might be marriage. Would one of you be willing to emigrate? Would you be prepared to marry if necessary? If you know up-front that neither of you want to emigrate or marry, then you're wasting your time. I speak from experience; I was in an international LDR for 20 months. The time difference made it difficult for us to talk during the week, because he was five hours ahead, so I was going to bed right as he came home from work. We saved up all our holidays to see each other, but we still only managed to meet up 3 or 4 times, at great expense. The only way we could ever live together was to get married for a green card. I realised I wasn't prepared to marry him on the basis of a few short meetings, and I didn't really want to emigrate away from my family and friends, and he couldn't emigrate because his family needed him - so we broke it off, because although we liked each other there was no way we could ever have a relationship. I'm not saying it's like that for everyone - I know a guy who had no ties at home, met a girl on holiday, then married her and stayed in her country and had kids. It worked for him because he was prepared to marry her and emigrate - in my relationship neither of us were prepared to do that.
Author Ellezz Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 If he's coming to meet her in her own country (as opposed to asking her to come see him) he's the one putting himself in a vulnerable position, especially if he's the one footing the bill for his travel expenses. I wouldn't worry Ellezz. At least, not based on the information you've given us. Have a great time and keep us posted Arabella Thanks, that's what I think too. I'll let you guys know how it works out ,there's another month before he comes though.
Author Ellezz Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Which country are you in, and which country is he in? What's the time difference? Is time and expense going to severely limit how much you could see each other? Or will it be difficult to regularly get time off work in order to meet up? If this relationship is going to go anywhere, one of you would have to emigrate sooner or later, and depending on which countries are involved the only option might be marriage. Would one of you be willing to emigrate? Would you be prepared to marry if necessary? If you know up-front that neither of you want to emigrate or marry, then you're wasting your time. I speak from experience; I was in an international LDR for 20 months. The time difference made it difficult for us to talk during the week, because he was five hours ahead, so I was going to bed right as he came home from work. We saved up all our holidays to see each other, but we still only managed to meet up 3 or 4 times, at great expense. The only way we could ever live together was to get married for a green card. I realised I wasn't prepared to marry him on the basis of a few short meetings, and I didn't really want to emigrate away from my family and friends, and he couldn't emigrate because his family needed him - so we broke it off, because although we liked each other there was no way we could ever have a relationship. I'm not saying it's like that for everyone - I know a guy who had no ties at home, met a girl on holiday, then married her and stayed in her country and had kids. It worked for him because he was prepared to marry her and emigrate - in my relationship neither of us were prepared to do that. I'm in UK and he is in US, time difference is pretty huge, and the expense of flight is big too. Marriage and emigration? sounds something I'm not ready for either...I'm like exactly in your old position.
Arabella Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I was in a Spain-US LDR for a couple years and eventually ended up having to move to the US in order to be with him. With you being from the UK and him from the US, you have other options aside from marriage in order to be together, especially if you are a student. The whole process is much more difficult for middle eastern and asian countries. Just don't worry about these things quite yet. See where it goes first! Arabella
Mary3 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Is he asking for money yet ? Be careful . Scammers say they live in the US when they live in Nigeria and start milking you for money. Not to say this gent is going to do this but remember : You have not met him yet and spent many months of real time with him. After you spend 6 months of REAL TIME you will know alot more about him and his quirks.
Author Ellezz Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 Is he asking for money yet ? Be careful . Scammers say they live in the US when they live in Nigeria and start milking you for money. Not to say this gent is going to do this but remember : You have not met him yet and spent many months of real time with him. After you spend 6 months of REAL TIME you will know alot more about him and his quirks. Thank you, I'll be careful. I don't think he is coming for money though, I'm not rich:p, lol. Did you meet someone like that before?
Author Ellezz Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 I was in a Spain-US LDR for a couple years and eventually ended up having to move to the US in order to be with him. With you being from the UK and him from the US, you have other options aside from marriage in order to be together, especially if you are a student. The whole process is much more difficult for middle eastern and asian countries. Just don't worry about these things quite yet. See where it goes first! Arabella Your story sounds so romantic, so happy for you!
Mary3 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Thank you, I'll be careful. I don't think he is coming for money though, I'm not rich:p, lol. Did you meet someone like that before? No thankfully I never did... but I am an advocate against scammers as I DID have an experience with my rental ( 9 scammers wrote me ) and numerous scam job offers. The funny thing about online is that you really don't know them. You are crazy about them but you don't know them. Keep all your emails so you can look back on this in 6 months because there are so many things you can't see right now. You might have a happy ending. Give it up to a year to make any serious decisions such as moving in , trading finances , marriage.
Eeyore79 Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 I'm in UK and he is in US, time difference is pretty huge, and the expense of flight is big too. Marriage and emigration? sounds something I'm not ready for either...I'm like exactly in your old position. I'm in the UK and he was in the US, so you are pretty much in the situation I was in. For me it was just impossible; he couldn't move here because he has kids, and I wasn't prepared to move there. Plus we didn't have the money for weddings and visas etc anyway, and we could only afford to visit each other once a year (so we met up every six months, once at my place and once at his). We ignored the realities of the situation for a long time; we knew that it was too expensive to be together, neither of us wanted to emigrate, and I didn't really want to be with his kids on a daily basis, but we ignored these problems because he liked each other. Eventually we just admitted defeat (mostly because both of us were sort of interested in someone closer to home, i.e. a more feasible relationship). Maybe the fact that I wasn't prepared to move heaven and earth to be with him means I wasn't totally in love with him anyway - imo our relationship only worked because he and his kids were in another country and I didn't have to deal with the kids on a daily basis.
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