Mrs_AJ Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 (edited) Hi guys, As you know from previous threads I had been planning to break things off with my LDR boyfriend. It was a friday when he finished his exams and I saw him logged online sort of "waiting" for me. Prior to that we had not spoken for about 2 weeks although I did text him to wish him luck for the exam. I ended up telling him everything I felt. I was angry that he could come and go into our relationship, as happy as a bunny, on his own terms. He'll call whenever he likes. No consistency. Never has been. I told him I wanted to be on my own, I was happier on my own and that it wasn't working out. He was surprised . Telling me about his stress, how inappropriate the timing was. How much he loved me and thought about me all day. That if he didn't show it all the time (?) it didn't mean he didn't. How he thought that I had planned to dump him as soon as I had graduated to find someone else. I told him it didn't work out because of his lack of communication and care. I told him I was tired of waiting for him. I called him the day after. Several times before he picked up (this is a usual scenario anyway). I wanted to see if he was ok. I then erased his number. It has been over a week. But I don't feel better. It feels like I haven't really talked to him about what happened in order to move on. It feels like there are things I want to say, that I don;t want to think that the past 1.5 years of whatever was between us was not real somehow. I have feelings for him. He hasn't contacted me at all. And I find myself checking my email and phone regularly. I want to talk to him. I don't know what to do. Edited May 4, 2010 by Mrs_AJ
skydiveaddict Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Your not regretting your decision, and you're the one who broke it off. Why do you insist on talking w/him further? To try and punish him? Leave him alone, let him heal.
Author Mrs_AJ Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Last night I was thinking through everything that was said and remembering all the things I liked about him. I had to remind myself why I broke it off. I don't regret my decision. It's not about punishing anyone. It wasn't going to work out. I realised that I wanted to talk to him to somehow process what I was feeling myself and finding out how he was. He may be hurting and that makes me sad as I do like him and care for him. But I'll maintain NC to get past it and hope he will too.
Mei Mei Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Time will help to heal Mrs AJ. You have made the right decision, and you would have suffered more if you sticked to it. Please stay NC and not looking back , focus on the future life and have some new engagement for for self improvement. You will find your real love sooner or later, I guess so.:bunny:
Spiritofnow Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 (edited) I am going to stick my neck out here and go against the majority view and say that perhaps you should have an opportunity to have some closure, as long as you believe in your heart that it is indeed closure that you want, and not an opportunity to rekindle any feelings you may still be feeling. I ended my relationship with my very first real love after 6 years of being together and it tore me up to hurt him, and to say goodbye to what we had, but it was for the best, because we didn't make each other happy any more. 1.5 years deserves a little more than a phone call...how about putting a mail together and sending that to him. I think you both deserve the opportunity to express your feelings and say goodbye. I am sorry for you loss, because that is exactly what an unsuccessful relationship can feel like. Perhaps, say goodbye and honour what you did have - what kept you together for a year and a half, and then give yourself time to heal. Make the most of loved ones and friends and move forward. Hug. Edited May 4, 2010 by Spiritofnow
Liveinthenow Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 "I was angry that he could come and go into our relationship, as happy as a bunny, on his own terms. He'll call whenever he likes. No consistency. Never has been" Yet something about this way of being of a man caused you to be attracted to him to begin with since it seems like you're saying here that he's always been like this ever since you knew him. He sounds like a confident well adjusted guy to me. After all he's not blowing up your phone to get back with you because he is perfectly fine with and respectful of your decision. So perhaps what you need to think about is maybe you just got a bit too needy?
Author Mrs_AJ Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Time will help to heal Mrs AJ. You have made the right decision, and you would have suffered more if you sticked to it. Please stay NC and not looking back , focus on the future life and have some new engagement for for self improvement. You will find your real love sooner or later, I guess so.:bunny: Thanks Mei Mei. I've just re-joined the gym and I love it. I'm thinking of taking up language classes too. I'm just taking it day by day. I'm fine most days. I do miss him but that's ok. Time to move on.
Author Mrs_AJ Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 I am going to stick my neck out here and go against the majority view and say that perhaps you should have an opportunity to have some closure, as long as you believe in your heart that it is indeed closure that you want, and not an opportunity to rekindle any feelings you may still be feeling. I ended my relationship with my very first real love after 6 years of being together and it tore me up to hurt him, and to say goodbye to what we had, but it was for the best, because we didn't make each other happy any more. 1.5 years deserves a little more than a phone call...how about putting a mail together and sending that to him. I think you both deserve the opportunity to express your feelings and say goodbye. I am sorry for you loss, because that is exactly what an unsuccessful relationship can feel like. Perhaps, say goodbye and honour what you did have - what kept you together for a year and a half, and then give yourself time to heal. Make the most of loved ones and friends and move forward. Hug. Thanks for your advice. I feel much better today. I do need closure. Maybe it's best to have this silence for some time till it feels easier to talk to him. I do want to say goodbye properly. I hope I can.
Author Mrs_AJ Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 "I was angry that he could come and go into our relationship, as happy as a bunny, on his own terms. He'll call whenever he likes. No consistency. Never has been" Yet something about this way of being of a man caused you to be attracted to him to begin with since it seems like you're saying here that he's always been like this ever since you knew him. He sounds like a confident well adjusted guy to me. After all he's not blowing up your phone to get back with you because he is perfectly fine with and respectful of your decision. So perhaps what you need to think about is maybe you just got a bit too needy? He has many good sides to him. And I still like him. I hink I tried. We had good times. We were planning to spend the coming year together. But I got fed up with his lack of communication and inconsistency. And communication in an LDR is pretty much all you've got to make it work. I suppose we had different expectations of what a supportive, loving relationship should be like. Does that make me needy? I don't think so. Confident, well adjusted guy? Well I hope so. But you could equally say that he was a careless, disorganised, self-centred idiot who really didn't love or care for me at all. So maybe a liar then too. It just depends on which angle you're looking at it from. Thanks.
Recommended Posts