AD1980 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I can get laid fairly easily as a heterosexual man (although many of the girls tend to have boyfriends and come on to me) but finding someone up to my standards for a relationship is tough. At least you can get past step one,I cant even get a first date
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 here's the deal:if you have a six figure income, are tall and good looking, drive a nice car then the women will be all over you. Take any one of those factors out of the equation and you are out of luck Give me a break. You can take all of them away from me except maybe good looking (I don't think so anyways) and most certainly am not out of luck. That's part of the problem. It's not really luck. Keep thinking that and yes you will be out of luck. It takes much more than simply "luck".
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I really have no way too..All my friends are married or in relationships and none of them have single female friends and when they did never thought i was good enough to try to sset up with anyone.. So the people i hang out with theres never single women around anymore.. Do you live in a small town? No where near an urban center?
AD1980 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Do you live in a small town? No where near an urban center? No i live in Queens Ny so theres plenty of people
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 No i live in Queens Ny so theres plenty of people Then how can you possible say this "theres never single women around anymore". You need to get out more, meet new people and move on with your life. Your married friends did, now you need to do it.
AD1980 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Then how can you possible say this "theres never single women around anymore". You need to get out more, meet new people and move on with your life. Your married friends did, now you need to do it. Im not good at approaching strangers in the street somhewere Its much easier to meet someobdy through a friend so they know they can trust you build a repertiore and go from there then just approaching random people..
dreamingoftigers Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 One step and a time, even if it is a small one, try the eye contact thing just to get better about making eye contact. Then maybe see if there is someone you feel comfortable hanging out with. If you have a lot of trouble meeting new people then that will quite limit your options, which I am sure you already know.
AD1980 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 If you have a lot of trouble meeting new people then that will quite limit your options, which I am sure you already know. Which is part of the problem for me im never around single women
brainygirl Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 here's the deal:if you have a six figure income, are tall and good looking, drive a nice car then the women will be all over you. Take any one of those factors out of the equation and you are out of luck Two things, as a woman I could say almost the same thing "If I were taller and thinner, if I had a life that let me drop everything at a word, the guys would be all over me." But I'm short, curvaseous, brainy and opinionated, oh and I work a full time job, take care of three kids and go to grad school . . . men hear the run down and then run. Second, I don't look for, and very few of my female friends look for the tallest, best looking guy in the place. You want to get a woman's attention? Be well groomed, be intelligent, treat her nice even if you aren't sure she diserves it. And don't ignore the short girl who's a little heavy to hit on the skinny friend, that will get you nowhere.
Toki Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Blaming everyone, and everything else is the reason why you're not having any luck dating. It makes you seem as weak, and pathetic as every female on this board has made it clear as daylight. If you got anyone to blame it's yourself, if you got a problem:OWN IT. Don't blame it on circumstances.
Engadget Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Two things, as a woman I could say almost the same thing "If I were taller and thinner, if I had a life that let me drop everything at a word, the guys would be all over me." But I'm short, curvaseous, brainy and opinionated, oh and I work a full time job, take care of three kids and go to grad school . . . men hear the run down and then run. Second, I don't look for, and very few of my female friends look for the tallest, best looking guy in the place. You want to get a woman's attention? Be well groomed, be intelligent, treat her nice even if you aren't sure she diserves it. And don't ignore the short girl who's a little heavy to hit on the skinny friend, that will get you nowhere. Heh, I'm the guy that always goes for the short, not skinny girl. Never much liked skinny anyway.
brainygirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Heh, I'm the guy that always goes for the short, not skinny girl. Never much liked skinny anyway. And yet you are here, so I am asuming ( I could be wrong) that you are single. Because while appearance plays a role, attraction and long term compatibility is so much more complex. btw, I live in kansas. And am terminally single.
Engadget Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 And yet you are here, so I am asuming ( I could be wrong) that you are single. Because while appearance plays a role, attraction and long term compatibility is so much more complex. btw, I live in kansas. And am terminally single. Of course. After a 6 year relationship I doubt I'll date anytime soon.
brainygirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Of course. After a 6 year relationship I doubt I'll date anytime soon. That's a long time.
Jerry18 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 (edited) Wrong, wrong, wrong. Sure, I can get a hook-up anytime I want. But I can't get a nice guy to take me out on a simple date to get to know me without trying to get his dick in my mouth. I haven't had a date since last October with no prospects of any in the near future... Stop your whining. Everybody has difficulty and you are not alone. Well, at least you get to have sex. We don't even have that. I don't see how you're worse off. You get sex. You get no relationship. We don't get sex. We don't get relationship. 1/2 is better than 0/2. So, you've just proved OP right rather than wrong. Edited May 14, 2010 by Jerry18
Bejita463 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Well, at least you get to have sex. We don't even have that. I don't see how you're worse off. You get sex. You get no relationship. We don't get sex. We don't get relationship. 1/2 is better than 0/2. So, you've just proved OP right rather than wrong. If sex is one of your goals, I've identified a problem for you. Being at risk for being used for sex is not a positive in a female's eyes. In fact, it isn't a positive in mine either, and I'm a guy. That logic was ridiculous.
Tim The Enchanter Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I don't know if being a straight male is the problem. Maybe it's just that we need regular sex and get frustrated very easily, so it just seems to us that dating is really difficult. By far the biggest issue for me has nothing to do with my gender - it's to do with how difficult I find it to make new friends and socialise as a man in his thirties. I live in a largish city - Bristol - that has more extracurricular activities than most places, yet trying to find something that is both to my tastes and also has people I want to socialise with, is very difficult indeed. Matters are made worse for me by the fact that my two closest friends are both in relationships. Neither of them wants to go out chasing women with me, for obvious reasons. So I have to rely on internet dating!
elysium23 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Yes it is harder for heterosexual men to find partners. We are the hunters. It is natural for the hunters to have a low success rate. The odds of a lion actually getting a kill are only 17%. That translates to having one successful hunt for every seven. Instead of complaining, the only that thing that can be done is try and become a better hunter. So even though a woman can get laid whenever she wants and gay men have crazy lives, it doesn't matter that it's not fair to straight men. Because of the simple fact, that life isn't fair. You've got three choices: Become a better hunter Go after 'easier' prey Give up It's no wonder you have trouble finding partners when you refer to them as "a kill" and "prey"
espec10001 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Here is a "hidden" formula for gaining confidence, in it there is much mystery: Flowers, a visual splendor, attract all sorts of guests; such as birds and bees. Yet the flower, how attractive it is to so many different animals, has a quick blossom and an equally quick withering. Trees, so tall and rooted, they as well welcome many guests. But the tree starts out as a weak sapling, with shallow roots and no unique identity. Slow, very slow, is this plant's growth. But steady and sure does the sapling grow into the tall and mighty tree! But the tree cannot exist without the flower, and the flower without the tree!
Engadget Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 That's a long time. Yes it was. It changed my view on dating, and add to that that I'm more mature and smarter than I was then. Instead of being a horny skirt-chaser, I'm deliberately taking everything slowly. If it ends up not working out because I don't jump at opportunities, so be it. I'd much rather take it slow, and meet someone I can have a real connection with as opposed to having sex, skewing things and potentially messing it up.
brainygirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Yes it was. It changed my view on dating, and add to that that I'm more mature and smarter than I was then. Instead of being a horny skirt-chaser, I'm deliberately taking everything slowly. If it ends up not working out because I don't jump at opportunities, so be it. I'd much rather take it slow, and meet someone I can have a real connection with as opposed to having sex, skewing things and potentially messing it up. I think a lot of guys seem to have relationship and sex mixed up. In another thread someone said "yeah but at least you get sex . . ." to a woman who wanted a relationship. If what someone craves is an emotional connection to another human being, the offer of sex without meaning is almost painful. Its like offering a person dying of thirst a picture of a stream. It looks nice, but wont nourish. I think you are probably doing the right thing and will probably find a nice woman, who wont necessarily be the thinest or the tallest or the prettiest, but she'll be who and what you want because you got to know her. More people of both genders need to be patient.
Engadget Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I think a lot of guys seem to have relationship and sex mixed up. In another thread someone said "yeah but at least you get sex . . ." to a woman who wanted a relationship. If what someone craves is an emotional connection to another human being, the offer of sex without meaning is almost painful. Its like offering a person dying of thirst a picture of a stream. It looks nice, but wont nourish. I think you are probably doing the right thing and will probably find a nice woman, who wont necessarily be the thinest or the tallest or the prettiest, but she'll be who and what you want because you got to know her. More people of both genders need to be patient. Yes I agree. Sex without a connection doesn't really interest me, it's not even comparable.
phineas Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I don't know if being a straight male is the problem. Maybe it's just that we need regular sex and get frustrated very easily, so it just seems to us that dating is really difficult. By far the biggest issue for me has nothing to do with my gender - it's to do with how difficult I find it to make new friends and socialise as a man in his thirties. I live in a largish city - Bristol - that has more extracurricular activities than most places, yet trying to find something that is both to my tastes and also has people I want to socialise with, is very difficult indeed. Matters are made worse for me by the fact that my two closest friends are both in relationships. Neither of them wants to go out chasing women with me, for obvious reasons. So I have to rely on internet dating! 38. almost divorced. In the same boat with 2 little ones half the week. If I want to chase women with someone it has to be my friends little brother or my little brother. Both are 31 & chase after the under 30 crowd & that age group really doesn't appeal to me.
brainygirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 38. almost divorced. In the same boat with 2 little ones half the week. If I want to chase women with someone it has to be my friends little brother or my little brother. Both are 31 & chase after the under 30 crowd & that age group really doesn't appeal to me. As a single mom, good dads are attractive (even though I don't let the guys I date and my kids meet), have you thought of taking the kids to parks or family activities. You might meet a hot mamma.
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