electricity Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 (edited) I've only been with my bf for a few months. We used to talk for an hour or so everyday before we decided to officially date. Now that level has dropped off to a point where we maybe talk an hour a week, with a few text messages interspersed in between. I understand that he has his life and is very busy with his new, more challenging job. I've also accepted a new job and will be moving for it soon; it's actually going to be even farther from him. :/ Right now we spend a weekend together every month, but once I move, that's going to drop drastically. We catch up over the weekends together. My issue is that he seems to be fine with our current amount of communication, while I'm feeling needy and clingy for wanting more. I don't even need to talk to him more; I just want to know that he wants to talk more as well. Everyone says we should be carving out time to talk daily; I'm generally fine with a text message a day just to convey, "I'm thinking of you." Is that normal? Should I be asking for more? If so, what do you even talk about? For instance, I don't want to keep him just to tell me what he had for lunch - what's the right balance? I'm also concerned about what will happen when I move and we don't see each other for months on end - how can we ensure that staying in the relationship is right? Edited May 4, 2010 by electricity
thisismystory Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I have posted a lot about this before as well and I feel other members on this board might have more experience than me and can offer more advice. I am going through the same thing so I know how you feel. I think the amount of communication is up to you too. I was pretty ADHD about it. We used to talk every few days but when he went to study abroad, we decided on once a week...since the whole 13 hour difference thing made it hard to communicate. That made me miserable. (Well...we're still kind of at once a week now, so I'm still miserable.) I find that I'm fine with less communication when we're close together. But when we're doing LDR, I need more reassurance. BUT while I do need the reassurance, I feel that talking daily can get bland too. It seems a lot of people talk to their LDR SO daily. I think it depends on the couple. You seem really mature about it and I hope you guys settle on the right amount of communication. I'm not sure about the "knowing whether staying in the relationship is right" thing. I think only the two of you will know after a few months. What does this relationship mean to you and are you willing to go through with the LDR thing until the distance ends? I think that's a question you'll have to ask yourself.
pandagirl Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 As long as you feel satisfied with how much communication you have, that is all that matters. So if a text once a day makes you happy, then so be it! But if you start to feel like you need more, within reason, then just bring it up with your boyfriend. My BF works a lot of hours. Some days, all I get is a good night call before he passes our. Other days, we talk two or three times in a day for a few minutes each, or something we'll have an hour conversation. The point is, there are no rules.
madjac74 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Hi this is my first post. I am in Illinois and my gf took a job in DC so we have been apart for most of our relationship. I understand how you feel about the communication issue. The important thing is to never think the other person is too busy to hear from you. One day I was thinking about her all day and just assumed she was too busy cuz a few texts went unanswered later at the end of the day we talked and realized that both of us assumed the other was busy when we were both just watching movies or whatever. It was a frustrating misunderstanding. I think the important thing is to not worry about how much communication is right or wrong just go with what you feel. I sometimes get a text from my gf in the middle of the night like " Doritoes are yummy!" Haha Its silly but it makes me smile and I know she is out there thinking about me. Everytime I have a thought or something happens in my life I share it with her. You can really make the distance seem small if you communicate. If it actually bothers them, then there is something wrong with the relationship.
Author electricity Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 You can really make the distance seem small if you communicate. If it actually bothers them, then there is something wrong with the relationship. I think is this a very good point. Thanks for all the reassurance.
Spiritofnow Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Have you asked him for his help? It's okay for you to both deal with the distance differently, but that doesn't mean it makes it YOUR problem to deal with alone. If he loves you he won't want you to have those feelings. Ask if you can be a team to make the distance tolerable for you. Do some research about things you can both do which may make it easier for you. I hope that helps.
Recommended Posts