Ilovecake Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 How do you do that after a really bad breakup? After being lied to, cheated on, betrayed, emotionally messed with and finding out that the person presented himself to you as not at all the person he really is? I've always taken people with a grain of salt but this is ridiculous. I do not trust any of my friends, family, strangers, coworkers, acquaintances. I do not trust anyone, especially if they're being nice to me. I feel like if I open up even a millimeter to anyone around me I’m going to get hurt really badly and I start to panic when people pay any attention to me. Obviously this has hindered any dating prospects. As in I haven't been on a date in almost two years. Guys like me, they ask me out but I always say no. The other day a guy I have known for 20 years offered to buy me a drink at a bar and I actually yelled at him saying “Why do you want to buy me a drink? Can’t you see I already have one?” I heard myself saying it and was absolutely shocked at how rude I came off. I’ve never seen anyone look at me like that. I felt so horrible, I totally hurt his feelings. I have never been like this before. I sit around alone most of the time even though I have some nice friends. I’m just always under the impression that they’re all out to get me. I've been cheated on before, I've been through breakups and betrayals but I have never met anyone as sinister as my most recent ex. I would understand if I still had feeling for him but really all I feel is repulsion and anger.
cdt76 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Holy crap, I am right there with you and I have no idea how to fix it. I know I act differently at work then at home. You said everything that I have been doing over the last 10 months and it's not getting better. As soon as one person gives the slightest hint that they aren't telling the truth, I bolt or lash out or cut ties and run. My ex and your's must have taken some kind of class together on this topic. But I'm afraid that like you, I am permanently changed to hate everyone.
GrayClouds Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 It is not about trusting other people it is about trusting yourself. Knowing that no matter what you will be able to take care of yourself, while there may be people who are hurtful you are stronger then the hurt offer. I suspect that your still a raw nerve from the pain of a break up. But if you been working at it you know in your heart that you have the strength to over come. Give yourself a little more time and much more credit.
ADF Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 I'm going to tell you what seems obvious: stop making other people pay for crimes they didn't commit. Stop suspecting people for what others have done. Lots of people have been cheated on. Lots of people have been betrayed. Lots of people have be abused. And the majority go on with their lives and form new, better relationships. So can you.
Author Ilovecake Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 I'm going to tell you what seems obvious: stop making other people pay for crimes they didn't commit. Stop suspecting people for what others have done. Lots of people have been cheated on. Lots of people have been betrayed. Lots of people have be abused. And the majority go on with their lives and form new, better relationships. So can you. That's what I'm trying to do but can't get over the suspicion that everyone has an agenda. GrayClouds What freaks me out is the amount of time it's taking me to just let it go already. I know now that I’m capable of amazing amounts of emotional strength but at the same time I have never fallen apart like I did after this breakup. I don't think I could survive going to that dark place again. I've always had very mature, amicable breakups even if it was dues to betrayal and cheating we still were able to somehow end it maturely and with hardly any hurt feelings. I'm very indifferent to my exes, we say hi when we see each other and everything is fine. This guy on the other hand was a completely different story. Maybe because this is the first time I was the dumpee and it came out of left field that it affected me like this and it was done very cruelly and with no regard for my self esteem, as a matter of fact he played my ego like a fiddle.
deux ex machina Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 (edited) ILC, the trouble with, "I don't trust anyone" is that ultimately it can turn into a hardcore belief and become self-sabotage. I thought I was protecting myself...but only when I ran into a geniune paranoid did I truly come to know what this sort of thinking does to people. It really does bring about the very thing they fear the most. Of course, that's an extreme example , and the fact that you clearly have insight into what is going on is a big step in the right direction to challenging and changing your beliefs. Through therapy, my own reading, and putting these things to work in my life, I am coming to know that awareness, and learning to trust yourself is so vitally important. It's hard sometimes, but it is do-able. You are totally worth it taking a chance on. Edited May 5, 2010 by deux ex machina
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