hanginthere Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 (edited) Okay here goes, I caught my BF at a runner's friend who is a woman at 12:30am...I had been suspcious of her for a few months now. He said that he and this woman were just friends (although she has recently moved out) when I saw his car at her apt. I tried to call him numerous times and texted him. He finally texted me back and said that he was out with friends and would call me back. I went to the apartment on a hunch, he thought I was with family that night and I was but decided to do a drive by. I was mad then because he had triple lied to me, I went to her door and knocked not banged, I do not even think I was mad just frustrated. I did not bang the door just knocked and covered the peep hole. I could hear the his phone ringing from inside. So, he called me at 1am when he was leaving telling me he was there because she called him to tell him about rumors that were being spread about them and he needed to talk to her in person. Now this is a person that he said he never saw outside of running, he texts her a lot even when on business travel, but he does not spend weekends with her or overnites. Apparently the woman did not know about me and I called her the next day to apologize to her for knocking on her door and explained that this had nothing to do with her but him...I did this because I did not want him to tell I was a stalker or a nutty ex GF. I told her that if there was something going on with them I was fine with it, just did not want to be the third wheel. Her ex is saying that they are having an affair too, and my BF was the cause of their break up. This is a smally town...now my BF is saying that I am the cause of him being over there because a friend told me that they were suspcious of them as well and gave me the woman's address I gave life to the rumor by believing it??? I was already suspcious before this, he is flipping out that I knew her address too! So now he is saying that he cannot trust me and does not think it was wrong for him to be over at 1230am, lie to about being out with someone else or anything?? Is there something going on, could I be wrong?? She texts him every AM and PM and during the day...all day. He is also was a chronic cheater as well with his ex wife. Edited May 3, 2010 by hanginthere
Cantcope Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 He's putting all of the blame on you to clear his head of guilt. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.
Author hanginthere Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 (edited) Thanks for the reply...I do not live with him so breaking up is easier than going through this. We live in a state with alienation of affection is huge...I have e-mails between them that could be given to her ex. I have not done this but I am mad because I did not want drama I have asked for 5 months if something was going on. Do you think he was at her house for anything other than sorting out stuff...confused?? Was I wrong for knocking on her door?? He pushed me when he texted that he was out with friends. Edited May 3, 2010 by hanginthere
Cantcope Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I don't think you were wrong in going there AT ALL! You needed answers and you got them. I don't necessarily know what he was up to there, but he was lying to you, that's all that matters!
Author hanginthere Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 Thanks. I was not sure what to do in that situation. If he had answered his phone or even texted and asked why I was calling I would've never knocked. Although he said his text was not working for incoming which has happened before.
D-Lish Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 You're seriously knocking on another woman's door at 1am looking for your bf? I think you have to ask yourself why you'd go out with a guy that has a sordid history of cheating, then ignore the glaring red flags when they present themself. Of course he's cheating. Don't be that girl that chases him all over town and calling the other women. Be the girl that walks away with her dignity intact. Tell him it's over and find someone that treats you with respect.
Author hanginthere Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 I did not know he was a cheater until I spoke with his ex wife who then shared her stories. And they are friends (the ex and him). I was suspcious because of all the texting going on and here rocky marriage. Then all of sudden her living in a different apartment, I was not allowed to talk to her or run with his group (because she was a part of it). I felt like a mistress...and I am a runner and not to be bragy put I look good and I am smart as well.
D-Lish Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I did not know he was a cheater until I spoke with his ex wife who then shared her stories. And they are friends (the ex and him). I was suspcious because of all the texting going on and here rocky marriage. Then all of sudden her living in a different apartment, I was not allowed to talk to her or run with his group (because she was a part of it). I felt like a mistress...and I am a runner and not to be bragy put I look good and I am smart as well. Then you should know better than to stay with this person.
Author hanginthere Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Touche...you are right...just do not like accusing someone of doing something until I actually see it and this has never happened to me before.
D-Lish Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Touche...you are right...just do not like accusing someone of doing something until I actually see it and this has never happened to me before. Look, I am not unsympathetic to your situation, because we have all been there. We've been cheated on, mistreated, been made a fool of... etc. When I was young, I let more than my fair share of guys walk all over me and treat me like dirt. You had suspicions he was cheating way before you found his car at another woman's apartment. Learn to trust those instincts and see those red flags, because our instincts are seldom wrong. If you can take one good thing from this situation- learn to trust those instincts next time. He was at another woman's apartment at 1am, and he was lying about being there when you know he was there. He somehow managed to turn this whole thing around on you causing the drama in the first place. If you are truly a smart girl, you know how ridiculous this is, right? He's cheating, and you need to leave him.
Author hanginthere Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Yes, I do know in some way. Just did not get why he was still with me if she was on her own and he could be with her on weekends now. That did not make sense to me. I know that you are not being unsmypathetic I would not have posted hear if I did not want to hear your thoughts.
D-Lish Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Yes, I do know in some way. Just did not get why he was still with me if she was on her own and he could be with her on weekends now. That did not make sense to me. I know that you are not being unsmypathetic I would not have posted hear if I did not want to hear your thoughts. Why would he give up all the women he likes, if he can have all the women he likes? If you don't leave knowing he is cheating, and she doesn't leave knowing he has a gf... Why wouldn't he be perfectly happy with this? He can have you, and he can have her- and no one leaves him over it... Not to mention, I'd wager my next paycheque that he's the kind of guy that will keep looking for new conquests.
dreamingoftigers Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Even if he was not cheating, he is being completely inappropriate and allowing it to look like cheating. Given his history, he is full of BS. The fact that he is putting this on you instead of at least apologizing is crap too. You have a serial cheater. Run fast.
Author hanginthere Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 I agree it is all about conquests for him. Funny he was telling me that now folks in town are talking about me banging on the girl's door at midnight...and that she should be careful. I don't care I called and apologized to her she knows that and I explained why I was there. I am sure he has described me as an old GF who cannot let go or something. Ridiculous that he cannot apologize, most men would, instead he blames it on me!!
Author hanginthere Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Really feeling hurt and angry today about this situation. The woman is 20 yrs younger than him and he did this before. I know his kids..etc..they even say he is never going to change. Feel sad and foolish at this point. He looks at woman as conquests and a supply and demand.
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