Finally saw a picture of OW

[OFGnomore]

My H didn't seem phased at all about her just having a baby (she had it within the last few weeks). Very surprised, but not phased. He always claimed she loved her H and he loved me. He says he didn't think about her all the time or even every day (I call BS on this), just when he was horny. But from everything I've ever read on affairs, I know this can't be true.

 

This is good AEH, it shows me you're thinking regardless of what your H is saying. Hold on to your reality, it will be your key to your growth and healing. And you want the truth and now's the time for your H do his hard work and man up and give you the details you need to fully process what happened. Here's my story, post dday, H wanted to know the what, where and did you swallow? No trickle truth. He told me that our only chance was to come clean once. That any new knowledge down the road would just be a new betrayal and he wasnt' going to put up with it. And xMM, 14 months later tried to hurt H with an email referencing the "details". But H had already processed it and it just confirmed for me and H was desperate pathetic a**hole xMM is and his life and marriage is obviously his own hell.

 

 

It seems you won't consider IC. How come? A revenge A is a pretty radical move post Dday. You have everything right to be selfish and take care of yourself now. IMO, I think you and your H have missed some important painful steps in healing, you with your anger, H with lack of sex aside, what made him choose to betray you and his family. Once you get a better grip on that individually, then I think you two can move forward in a healthy deeply intimate way. When I hear about all your "passion" it seems like pseudo forgiveness to me, only 11 months out. It reminds me of my 32 y.o. friend who tells me she gives her H BJs to keep him faithful. Wha??? You still have so much hurt deep down and that's what brings you back here.

 

For yourself AEH, see an IC, that's really the best advice I can give you.

 

**Disclaimer, I'm no shrink, nor do I play one on TV**

[OFGnomore]

Oooh one more thing, as it has already been said, do not get caught up on the looks stuff of xMW. Case in point, Prince Charles, Diana and Camille. See what I mean?

 

Stay focused on the heart of the matter...

[aeh]

It seems you won't consider IC. How come? A revenge A is a pretty radical move post Dday.

 

Ha, yes, I guess a RA is pretty radical. But then again, maybe in some ways I am kind of radical...I think I just play a mild-mannered, volunteering, PTA-involved, carpooling mom on the side....

 

 

You have everything right to be selfish and take care of yourself now. IMO, I think you and your H have missed some important painful steps in healing, you with your anger, H with lack of sex aside, what made him choose to betray you and his family.

 

I do think that there were some major life events that led up to the perfect storm of my H's A. We had made a major move to a destination where we wanted to be, but the new job was very much a step down. I think my H had some resentment towards me for this in the end. He was feeling bad about himself, bored with his new job which was also not what he was accustomed to, and a younger woman willing to give him some attention at this new job. When we did see an IC, she said we were the most communicative couple she had seen in her practice, also that I was the calmest, coolest, most collected wife she had seen. Yeah, right! She thought we seemed very much in love. I did think she was good, but I guess I felt like we communicate so well and to have her verify this, I just didn't know that I was getting any more out of it. I felt pretty in touch with my feelings, even regarding the RA. I knew intellectually what I was doing and I knew intellectually everything the MC was saying. I knew "all the right things". However, maybe she just wasn't the right MC/IC.

 

For yourself AEH, see an IC, that's really the best advice I can give you.

 

**Disclaimer, I'm no shrink, nor do I play one on TV**

[Snowflower]

Ha, yes, I guess a RA is pretty radical. But then again, maybe in some ways I am kind of radical...I think I just play a mild-mannered, volunteering, PTA-involved, carpooling mom on the side....

 

You're funny!

 

I do think that there were some major life events that led up to the perfect storm of my H's A. We had made a major move to a destination where we wanted to be, but the new job was very much a step down. I think my H had some resentment towards me for this in the end. He was feeling bad about himself, bored with his new job which was also not what he was accustomed to, and a younger woman willing to give him some attention at this new job. When we did see an IC, she said we were the most communicative couple she had seen in her practice, also that I was the calmest, coolest, most collected wife she had seen. Yeah, right! She thought we seemed very much in love. I did think she was good, but I guess I felt like we communicate so well and to have her verify this, I just didn't know that I was getting any more out of it. I felt pretty in touch with my feelings, even regarding the RA. I knew intellectually what I was doing and I knew intellectually everything the MC was saying. I knew "all the right things". However, maybe she just wasn't the right MC/IC.

 

 

 

Oh aeh, you sound A LOT like me! Minus the RA, which I can completely understand why you did that...sometimes I wonder if it would have made me feel 'better' somehow to have had an RA, but I think it would have made the whole situation more confusing.

 

As for the major events in the time before your husband's affair, I read that this was a common scenario pre-affair. Sometimes big life changes or rough times seem to 'destabilize' a spouse enough to make them more vulnerable to an affair.

 

This is what happened to my husband in the year or so preceding his affair.

 

Again I want to add the disclaimer that it is no excuse for what our husbands did.

 

Especially so because I faced much of the same sh*tstorm as my husband did but yet I never considered an affair...although I did consider separation/divorce pre-affair for different reasons.

 

But, people react differently to the same stressors. Again, no excuse but maybe an explanation of sorts?

 

As for IC/MC, I was kind of like you AEH, I felt pretty in control of my feelings, especially as time went on and so counseling started to seem like a waste of time for me.

 

By the time my H and I started MC, about 6 weeks after we reconciled, we had already done so much talking on our own that MC was almost 'easy' for us. Sure, we did learn some new things...but we were already communicating on our own. We had already figured things out--we talked about the affair ad nauseum, for MONTHS!

 

I have also wondered if another/different MC would help us more. But, we're in a pretty good place right now.

 

I do understand your anger though--I worked very hard at 'getting through' my anger but it still flares up from time to time. It just has to run its course and I think some resentment is just to be expected. But maybe in time it will fade, as well.

 

Most of the time now, I am just cynical and jaded about long-term, successful marriages. Thank goodness I have not had to attend any weddings since d-day! I think I would be both depressed and cynical about the whole love and marriage thing. It doesn't always work out like you think.

 

So aeh, do you think you will re-consider counseling?

[aeh]

Oh aeh, you sound A LOT like me! Minus the RA, which I can completely understand why you did that...sometimes I wonder if it would have made me feel 'better' somehow to have had an RA, but I think it would have made the whole situation more confusing.

 

I am in NO WAY advocating a RA for ANYONE...I know in most cases it is ridiculously stupid...ok, in all cases...and know it doesn't say a lot about me as a person, but I really do not have a lot of regret or remorse about the RA. For me, it was helpful in some ways. It was the antidote I needed at that time. Maybe bc I knew it was "just sex", maybe bc it was an old BF that I had NO feeling for, but that I knew was "safe" in a sense...it actually helped me feel more in control of events...it was kind of an "FU, you screwed with the wrong person!" to my H. I was out of my mind

 

As for the major events in the time before your husband's affair, I read that this was a common scenario pre-affair. Sometimes big life changes or rough times seem to 'destabilize' a spouse enough to make them more vulnerable to an affair.

This is what happened to my husband in the year or so preceding his affair.

 

Yes, they were huge huge changes in our life, took away some of my H's feeling of control, was definitely de-stabilizing to him, I'm sure. I probably don't talk about that enough as to that being a major contributing factor as to how he allowed this to happen. I think for him it was an ego-boost, a distraction, allowed him to still be a hero.

 

Again I want to add the disclaimer that it is no excuse for what our husbands did.

 

I agree.

 

Especially so because I faced much of the same sh*tstorm as my husband did but yet I never considered an affair...although I did consider separation/divorce pre-affair for different reasons.

 

Yes, I know the feeling. I actually thought at one point during my H's A when I felt so distant from him, so disillusioned with everything, knowing there was something wrong but not knowing what, "Wow, I would be a perfect candidate for having an A!" I knew my ex-BF lived around the corner (the one I eventually had the RA with), but never acted upon calling him, never ever seriously considered it at all. I thought about it and laughed at the time. Ironic...

 

 

 

As for IC/MC, I was kind of like you AEH, I felt pretty in control of my feelings, especially as time went on and so counseling started to seem like a waste of time for me.

 

This is how I feel.

 

By the time my H and I started MC, about 6 weeks after we reconciled, we had already done so much talking on our own that MC was almost 'easy' for us. Sure, we did learn some new things...but we were already communicating on our own. We had already figured things out--we talked about the affair ad nauseum, for MONTHS!

 

Exactly same scenario.

 

I have also wondered if another/different MC would help us more. But, we're in a pretty good place right now.

 

I do understand your anger though--I worked very hard at 'getting through' my anger but it still flares up from time to time. It just has to run its course and I think some resentment is just to be expected. But maybe in time it will fade, as well

.

 

I think my big anger flare-up was obviously caused by seeing her pictures for the first time. Boy, do I wish I could post them on here and show them to you all. The sexy poses, the attitude conveyed in them, the horrid clothes..

 

Most of the time now, I am just cynical and jaded about long-term, successful marriages. Thank goodness I have not had to attend any weddings since d-day! I think I would be both depressed and cynical about the whole love and marriage thing. It doesn't always work out like you think.

 

Oh, this is SOOO me!!! Exactly!! I am getting much better about this...as I used to see, for example, the Bachelor on TV and could not quit making comments about how stupid it all was, how naive and idiotic the whole institution of marriage was, etc. I have thought so many times how glad I am that we have had no weddings to attend and I wonder what that will be like when I finally attend my first one. I am definitely jaded and cynical about this! But I am getting better on this front. I am not as resentful about this as I once was. I am thinking that in time maybe this will fade.

So aeh, do you think you will re-consider counseling?[/quote

]

 

Not sure. (I was about to insert some snippy comment about "only if I find a counselor that looks like Brad Pitt which can make my H squirm!") Just kidding...kind of:laugh:

[bittersweet memories]

My xMM was overweight, short and suffered from ED. My H said it made no sense how I was with him, even xMM said it made no sense. In fact, H was said it was even more insulting and that it made him look worse that I'd choose someone "less" than him.

 

My point, how could looks, if the xOP is more or less attractive help the situation. Really. I mean if his xMW looked liked Giselle would you be proud of his conquest? H threw that absurd remark out that xMMs W is probably proud of her husband being able to get a younger, attractive woman. How effed up is that logic??

 

 

ETA: I think most affairs are not about looks as much as about deep emotional longing.

 

 

Good Point!

[Dexter Morgan]

As part of his consequences, seriously, Dex, what the hell difference does it make if her H was special to his former lover???

 

might make all the difference in the world to him in the context of thinking that he basically damaged his marriage for someone he only THOUGHT she held a special place in her heart.

 

AEH should punish her H with knowledge that his xMW didn't really matter to him?

 

why not? and I wouldn't really call it punishment. Aint like she'd have to beat it into his brain. She could mention it one time, or if he didn't know she was pregnant, show him the picture and she wouldn't have to say a thing. A picture speaks a thousand words.

 

 

And if AEHs assessment of her H's motives that "it was just sex", that it really wouldn't matter.

 

because cheaters lie.

[Dexter Morgan]

Hi Dex, Haven't seen you around as much on here. I did show him the pic of her pregnant. He was surprised she was pregnant bc I guess she had been trying for a long time with her H. He has always claimed it was a "just sex" deal

 

of course he did, what do you think your reaction would be if he told you that he was in love with her? I think he knows what would probably happen if he didn't minimize it to "just sex"

 

and if it was "just sex", then I'd bet that she wasn't his only fling. afterall, it was "just sex":rolleyes:

 

not saying these things to upset you, but this is the way I see it.

[aeh]

might make all the difference in the world to him in the context of thinking that he basically damaged his marriage for someone he only THOUGHT she held a special place in her heart.

 

 

Believe me, Dex, I have said this a thousand ways. Pointed out that he damaged our M for what? 20 good orgasms? He now knows that I know he f*cked it up royally and that as much as I love him, I am the one who gets hit on by successful, attractive men on a regular basis. I don't mind if he squirms every now and then and wonders what the f*ck he did it for. He has clearly always had some jealousy issues and I would reassure him. Now, even though I love him dearly and am passionate about him, I certainly don't jump at the chance to ease his mind every time he sees an attractive man look at me. This is something he will have to live with. Or at least until my anger fully dissipates.

 

why not? and I wouldn't really call it punishment. Aint like she'd have to beat it into his brain. She could mention it one time, or if he didn't know she was pregnant, show him the picture and she wouldn't have to say a thing. A picture speaks a thousand words.

 

I'm certainly not above "punishing" him.

because cheaters lie.

 

Yes, they do...

[Dexter Morgan]

I'm certainly not above "punishing" him.

 

Well I'll digress on that. I'm not saying anyone should "punish" their WS if they decide to stay, but they should definitely hold their feet to the fire.

 

Just too many cheaters on this site that don't like the idea that they should suffer any consequences and that being found out and talking about it is consequence enough. They want it easy again even though the BS has to carry even the smallest amount of hurt and mistrust with them.

[Katerina]

I probably have but not sure if I have said before that when I married my H, one of the main reasons I married him was because I thought he would always be faithful. He wasn't really my type, in a lot of ways (although this is laughable because we get along so perfectly, we know each other inside and out)--not as outgoing as I probably prefer, he is blonde and medium height and I like taller, dark haired guys. But I always thought he would be faithful--unlike some other guys I had dated in the past who had not been unfaithful to me (that I know of)but that I thought had the potential to be...

 

Anyway, I guess part of my anger is that I felt duped (don't we all?). That was the one thing that was so paramount to me and here, I didn't even get that....Thus, the anger ....

 

Very similar situation here... I thought I married "a nice Christian guy" from a strong Christian family (interestingly, his parents divorced shortly after we got married). Even during his affair, when I suspected things and openly asked him whether he was having an affair - it was all just part of a fight. Deep down I thought "No, he would NEVER have an affair... even if he stopped loving me, he would NEVER have an affair..." What a fool I was! And yes, I kick myself still for being so naive and stupid to believe him and trust him in the first place... trust him enough to marry him.. and oh God, to have children with him! What a mistake.

 

I'm glad to hear you and your H are doing much better now... My H seems to have given up as of late.

Edited May 5, 2010 by Katerina

[Snowflower]

I am in NO WAY advocating a RA for ANYONE...I know in most cases it is ridiculously stupid...ok, in all cases...and know it doesn't say a lot about me as a person, but I really do not have a lot of regret or remorse about the RA. For me, it was helpful in some ways. It was the antidote I needed at that time. Maybe bc I knew it was "just sex", maybe bc it was an old BF that I had NO feeling for, but that I knew was "safe" in a sense...it actually helped me feel more in control of events...it was kind of an "FU, you screwed with the wrong person!" to my H. I was out of my mind

 

I'm glad you are feeling better about things these days. An RA is a stupid thing to do, but I think most BS at least entertain the thought of having one at some point. I know I thought about it...just for the fun of it. In my meaner moments, I would taunt my H with it. It was very mean of me to do this, and I'm kind of ashamed of it but he deserved it, IMO.

 

I don't do this anymore and haven't in a long time. It was very counter-productive to the healing of our marriage.

 

 

 

I think my big anger flare-up was obviously caused by seeing her pictures for the first time. Boy, do I wish I could post them on here and show them to you all. The sexy poses, the attitude conveyed in them, the horrid clothes..

 

I understand your anger...I can't remember now how you ended up seeing these pictures after all this time...but I'll try to go back and read your OP.

 

Maybe try to look for the humor in the pictures to help you get over your anger...seriously, the horrid clothes? What were the two of them thinking?

 

Oh, this is SOOO me!!! Exactly!! I am getting much better about this...as I used to see, for example, the Bachelor on TV and could not quit making comments about how stupid it all was, how naive and idiotic the whole institution of marriage was, etc. I have thought so many times how glad I am that we have had no weddings to attend and I wonder what that will be like when I finally attend my first one. I am definitely jaded and cynical about this! But I am getting better on this front. I am not as resentful about this as I once was. I am thinking that in time maybe this will fade.

 

 

Not sure. (I was about to insert some snippy comment about "only if I find a counselor that looks like Brad Pitt which can make my H squirm!") Just kidding...kind of:laugh:

 

It's nice to hear that someone understands about weddings and the ideals of marriage...I'm still at the cynical part, I think. A family member of ours got married very recently--way too young IMO. It was out of state so we didn't go but we looked at the wedding pictures on Facebook.

 

I didn't even realize it at first but I started making all these cynical comments like, "They got married too young--which one will cheat first?" or "let's see what they're like in 10 years." My H finally asked me what was wrong with me--and I admitted my cynicism. He gets it.

 

Hmmm, a counselor that looks like Brad Pitt, NICE!

[Snowflower]

Well I'll digress on that. I'm not saying anyone should "punish" their WS if they decide to stay, but they should definitely hold their feet to the fire.

 

Just too many cheaters on this site that don't like the idea that they should suffer any consequences and that being found out and talking about it is consequence enough. They want it easy again even though the BS has to carry even the smallest amount of hurt and mistrust with them.

 

I know what you mean about the consequences part...but I don't think all WS are just like the some of the ones on this site. I know my husband isn't like that at all. Some WS do feel horrible and try to fix things the best they can.

 

But as one BS to another, yes I can definitely say that many cheaters do not want to take any responsibility for their actions. It's probably why they cheated in the first place!

[aeh]

of course he did, what do you think your reaction would be if he told you that he was in love with her? I think he knows what would probably happen if he didn't minimize it to "just sex"

 

 

In his defense (and I don't say that very often...or feel like defending him very often ), he did confess to me that he told her he loved her (but didn't mean it) and there is no way I would have ever found out about that. He also confessed to a few other things, i.e. they went to her house once, they went to a hotel twice (and he paid with cash), etc which are things I would have never known had he not willingly confessed to them. In some ways, in the chaos after D-Day, I actually felt like I would have rather him told me he was in love with her...for some reason that seemed like it would have hurt less, than just being thrown away for sex. Sounds crazy but that's how I felt at the time.

 

and if it was "just sex", then I'd bet that she wasn't his only fling. afterall, it was "just sex":rolleyes

:

 

He definitely acted different over that time period than at any other time period in our M. Of course, I will never truly know, but I do believe that to be his only A.

 

 

not saying these things to upset you, but this is the way I see it.

 

Thank you, I understand.

[aeh]

Well I'll digress on that. I'm not saying anyone should "punish" their WS if they decide to stay, but they should definitely hold their feet to the fire.

 

Just too many cheaters on this site that don't like the idea that they should suffer any consequences and that being found out and talking about it is consequence enough. They want it easy again even though the BS has to carry even the smallest amount of hurt and mistrust with them.

 

I think I have mentioned this before, but I asked my H at one point what he had thought I would do should I ever find out. He said that of every friend I had whose H had cheated on them, he had seen that the W always took them back. He thought I would be mad, etc. That is probably the comment that I fixated on the most. Thus, my "FU, you screwed with the wrong person, buddy!" attitude. That fueled my fire to make him REALLY pay....

 

I swear that's what I thought of when I rang the doorbell and my ex-BF answered and I so sweetly said, "Well, hello there...."

 

On behalf of all women, I took one for the team...

Edited May 5, 2010 by aeh
misspelling

[Dexter Morgan]

I think I have mentioned this before, but I asked my H at one point what he had thought I would do should I ever find out. He said that of every friend I had whose H had cheated on them, he had seen that the W always took them back. He thought I would be mad, etc. That is probably the comment that I fixated on the most. Thus, my "FU, you screwed with the wrong person, buddy!" attitude. That fueled my fire to make him REALLY pay....

 

I swear that's what I thought of when I rang the doorbell and my ex-BF answered and I so sweetly said, "Well, hello there...."

 

On behalf of all women, I took one for the team...

 

you mean you visited an x-bf and cheated too?

[aeh]

you mean you visited an x-bf and cheated too?

 

Dex, I am laughing out loud...I thought it was strange you were kind of being "nice" to me. I know how against cheating you are, and I admire you for it. Yes, that's part of the ugly story that has become my life. I had a very brief RA when I was out of my mind (but took full responsibility for it--my H knew all about it). Frankly, at the time, I didn't care if it ended us or not. I didn't give a damn at all. Came home and confessed all. I know it's not right. I guess I could never be one of those people who carries on a long-term A. I just had to come home and share with my H what was going on in my life. Totally weird, I know.

[OFGnomore]

might make all the difference in the world to him in the context of thinking that he basically damaged his marriage for someone he only THOUGHT she held a special place in her heart.

 

 

 

why not? and I wouldn't really call it punishment. Aint like she'd have to beat it into his brain. She could mention it one time, or if he didn't know she was pregnant, show him the picture and she wouldn't have to say a thing. A picture speaks a thousand words.

 

 

 

 

because cheaters lie.

 

I agree about your assessment with AEH's H, 1.5 is a long time to be hanging out for "just sex" IMO.

 

But IMO, ain't nothing "special" about betrayal. So it makes no difference if the A partners were "special" to each other. After my A, I saw H cut to the core with pain. Ever hear a human wail and moan like an animal in agony? Cheat on a spouse who really loves you if you haven't . So to say well it's worth because it was special is just effed up all the way and another smack in the face to a BSs pain.

[jennie-jennie]

My xMM was overweight, short and suffered from ED. My H said it made no sense how I was with him, even xMM said it made no sense. In fact, H was said it was even more insulting and that it made him look worse that I'd choose someone "less" than him.

 

My point, how could looks, if the xOP is more or less attractive help the situation. Really. I mean if his xMW looked liked Giselle would you be proud of his conquest? H threw that absurd remark out that xMMs W is probably proud of her husband being able to get a younger, attractive woman. How effed up is that logic??

 

ETA: I think most affairs are not about looks as much as about deep emotional longing.

 

I second this. My MM is overweight, short and almost bald, but he fulfills me like no other man has ever done. He did suffer from ED for a while, but no more!

Edited May 6, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[aeh]

I agree about your assessment with AEH's H, 1.5 is a long time to be hanging out for "just sex" IMO.

 

 

Actually, it was 11 months (I think maybe Katerina's way 1.5 yrs??). But really, what's the difference? Still a looong time....I agree OFG.

 

But IMO, ain't nothing "special" about betrayal. So it makes no difference if the A partners were "special" to each other. After my A, I saw H cut to the core with pain. Ever hear a human wail and moan like an animal in agony?

 

Yes, that's exactly what I sounded like. I have never felt pain like that, ever!! And even though I had friends that had gone through that, and my mother went through it with my father (after I was an adult), and I THOUGHT I had empathy for them....you have not a freaking clue until you go through it yourself!

[aeh]

I second this. My MM is overweight, short and almost bald, but he fulfills me like no other man has ever done. He did suffer from ED for a while, but no more!

 

Well, let me tell you. My H has a receding hairline and he could probably lose 20 pounds. I NEVER cared before. But now, I certainly notice all of the hard-bodied, full heads of hair that look at me. So that's the flip side for me...

[Spark1111]

Well, let me tell you. My H has a receding hairline and he could probably lose 20 pounds. I NEVER cared before. But now, I certainly notice all of the hard-bodied, full heads of hair that look at me. So that's the flip side for me...

 

I so agree. The blow to the ego and self-esteem of a BS is huge!

 

I do my hair, wear high heels, apply make-up and turn heads, not to punish my WS, but to never feel that ugly and unworthy ever again.

 

Unfortunately, another side effect of an affair.

 

I make myself feel beautiful on both the inside and the outside everyday.

[Snowflower]

I agree about your assessment with AEH's H, 1.5 is a long time to be hanging out for "just sex" IMO.

 

But IMO, ain't nothing "special" about betrayal. So it makes no difference if the A partners were "special" to each other. After my A, I saw H cut to the core with pain. Ever hear a human wail and moan like an animal in agony? Cheat on a spouse who really loves you if you haven't . So to say well it's worth because it was special is just effed up all the way and another smack in the face to a BSs pain.

 

Nicely said, OFG.

 

I know it makes some BS, BW in particular, feel better if their husband cheated because he 'loved' the OW.

 

That is so NOT me! It would have made me feel even worse than I already did. I would have felt like, "oh, it was okay to devastate me because you were in love?!" I probably would have been down at the courthouse the next day filing for divorce...I would have felt completely disregarded and minimized by my husband at that point. The deal-breaker for me.

 

Now TBH, I don't know and never will know exactly how he felt about the OW while he was in the affair. He SAYS that he never told her that he loved her and on d-day when he confessed the closest thing that he said was that 'he had feelings for her.' Whatever that meant!

 

So yup, while I realize that my H could have very well told his OW that he loved her...at least he never rubbed my face in it on/after d-day. And I never found any evidence (emails, texts) that said that he did. FTR, I don't think he did love her but that's beside the point.

 

I realize some BS are different but the 'true love' excuse would have made

have made me vomit. Like you said, it would have been another, complete smack in the face for me.

 

Don't insult me further with the excuse of being in love.

Edited May 6, 2010 by Snowflower

[aeh]

I so agree. The blow to the ego and self-esteem of a BS is huge!

 

I do my hair, wear high heels, apply make-up and turn heads, not to punish my WS, but to never feel that ugly and unworthy ever again.

 

Unfortunately, another side effect of an affair.

 

I make myself feel beautiful on both the inside and the outside everyday.

 

Yes, I have become a workout fiend. At the gym 7 days a week. I wear clothes that are classy, but sexy..I am terrified of looking fat (especially bc I have big boobs)...Gone are the days when I just dressed to look cute "for other women"--girls, you know what I am talking about) The blow to my ego was HUGE, absolutely enormous. I can feel the side effects of the affair in almost every decision I make whether I am conscious of it or not.

[jennie-jennie]

Well, let me tell you. My H has a receding hairline and he could probably lose 20 pounds. I NEVER cared before. But now, I certainly notice all of the hard-bodied, full heads of hair that look at me. So that's the flip side for me...

 

Interesting. I had one of those hard-bodied, tall, handsome, full head of hair men, but I gladly turned him in for MM.