butrasgali Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 This is my story been married 22 years work offshore on last trip away wife dropped me off at airport as normal no apparent problems.Tried to ring her over next few daystalked to her family no one new were she was so they said untill i was going to ring the police when her sister told me she had gone away on holiday to spain we live in uk.Finally contacted her said she neede break she was going to have a break down i was not happy all her family had lied.Anyway she stayed away a month and by chance she wired some money to our son to pay her perants 500 pound s she owed them and to pay other things i only found out this from a concerned relative as this was from an offshore retirement account.She finally came home told me she loved me and admitted she had been dipping into this money 40000 pounds over 4 years and as id been asking about it it was causing her stress. My dilemma here is ive forgiven her and she said she spent it on son who hasnt been working and basically frittered iy away not gone into much detail but would she have told me if i hadnt found out from relative.Feel used and lied to by son wife and whole family, love them all to bits weve just booked cruise from florida to get over it advice please ive forgiven but its hard to not keep asking myself questions subconciously.
You Go Girl Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 You definitely need to become more involved in your finances. How someone could spend that much $ without your knowledge points to neglect on your part to keep atop of your financial situation. I do realize you are busy working offshore, etc. Make sure she doesn't have a gambling addiction, shopping addiction, or isn't spending it friviously in some other fashion. Follow the paper trail backwards, get to the truth of where that $ went. Don't just blindly trust where that $ went. She's lied by omission if not worse; make sure the truth is not worse. Then do the math as to whether she is living beyond your means, your son needs to be more independent, and whether or not it is not just her living beyond your means as a couple, but if the monthly credits surpass the debits. That you forgave her so quickly is wonderful. Have a terrific time on your vacation. But you do have to change and become proactive in your finances, and you do need to open the doors of communication with your wife about it. Monthly, you need a sit down to assess how you are doing financially as a couple, and allocate where the surplus goes. You two need a budget!
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