Finally Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Met 17 years ago and were married. We both had some growing up and adjusting to do - things ended because of me. Tried again a few years later. It ended because of me again. He consistently kept trying to reach out over the years. Timing was always an issue. Life went on, and with many years in between contact, both of us tried to move on. We both married other people during a particularly long stretch of years. We had one other brief period of communication. The time came when we finally reconnected on a deeper level while he was deployed in 2008. The STBexW found my number and called me. I had been honest with her with regards to us being together because I knew she would eventually know anyway. She knew his worst fear would be that I sold him out and betrayed him. So based on that single conversation, she took bits and pieces of info and twisted it after the convo was over and told him I contacted her and had set him up for the WWIII that ensued that night. He was confused and conflicted so with the factoids she had put in there, and the PTSD (one of the symptoms is paranoia), he bought the BS she was selling. He called me the next day and told me it was over. I had no idea what had happened. I thought he just must have made a decision in duress and not even back from overseas for 3 weeks at that point so I kept expecting contact to explain and that he didn't mean it. But he didn’t. I wrote a very long letter explaining all the growth I had experienced over the years we had been apart, the revelations about our relationship in the last year that we had been together again, and my confusion about his phone call. I knew he worked out every morning at a specific time, so waited at his gym for him to show. I read him the letter, we had a very deep talk, the truth about his stbxw's lies came to the forefront, and we fixed things between us. He had a lot to process and he would not commit to when things would happen or even when we would have any kind of communication. But it was left on a very good note. I went back down and surprised him again 2 weeks later. We talked more about the situation. This time around, because he had had more time to process what exactly had happened, he was very much back to the normal person I know. He was warm, loving, excited at our prospects together. He asked me to get him a prepaid cell and a list of rentals in the area. Gave me price ranges and neighborhoods to look for. Last week I gave him the phone and the rentals I had found. I asked him what length of time he was looking at as far as leaving and getting out. He said 2 weeks. Since then each day that he has been able to call, he has done so. Now my fears of him not going through with getting a place and leaving have been ignited. But I am fighting them. I feel insecure for the first time and hate it. And I hate waiting on the sidelines when this wasn't what I signed up for in the first place. But I can not throw this away again. We have both been wanting it back for so long. Thoughts? Opinions?
Author Finally Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 Anybody? I know it is long but... anyone?
collegemommy Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I don't have any real advice but I just wanted you to know that I hope all works out. The only opinion I can give (without knowing the both of you) is that I would be very careful with all of this. You're questioning and becoming insecure about whether or not he is going to follow through. Why do you feel this way? Does he give you the impression that he won't do it?
travelbug Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 You said it ended because of you both times in the past. Have you really worked those things out in your time apart? If not, the same problems will still be there if you start up again. I know how it is to want to change things about yourself, and have your relationship be different, but sometimes it's a lot harder than you'd expect to make it happen. Perhaps some of the insecurity you're feeling is stemming from some self-doubt about your ability to do that. Make sure this growth you talked about in your letter has in fact happened and you've really taken the time to make changes and that you know what you want from the relationship and from life. If you feel you have and you indeed love this guy, I say, go for it 100% and don't look back! The anxiety and fear you have at this moment could be nothing compared to the regret you may feel later if you don't give it a real shot. This may be lame, but I'm reading a book called "Getting Back Together" by Bilicki & Goetz and it's FANTASTIC. Lots of great advice about preparing for a potential reconciliation with a past partner. I wish you luck!!
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