arp1115 Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I'm new to these forums and I really could use some advice. For about a month now my girlfriend has been talking to another guy. Like any boyfriend I was skeptical of the guys motives at first but when she told me they were "just friends." I believed her because I love and trust her. Everything was fine for a few weeks. But I started to realize that as she was talking to this other guy more anytime I would try to call her or hang out with her she would instantly be busy. Yet through all of that she still claimed she loved me. I recently learned that she has been hooking up with the guy. She has no idea that I know and as far as I know no intention to stop hooking up with him or dating me. I have no idea what I should do. I love her and I am more than willing to try and forgive her. But she is currently cheating and lying to me and I feel if we were to stay together it would only be out of the pity. I am very confused on what I should do next...
Bejita463 Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 What is there to be confused about? If she loved or respected you, she would not be letting another man screw her. Don't you feel you deserve better than that? You should, because you do.
Bryanp Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 She is hooking up with another guy and putting your health at risk for STD's and you say nothing to her about this? What is wrong with this picture? A girlfriend you have been with for 2 and 1/2 years and this is how she is disrespecting and humiliating you and you say nothing? What is wrong with you?
ADF Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 You need to drop this woman immediately and never see her or communicate with her again. I know that is is easier to say than to do. But believe me, she will do the same to you soon enough. However much you thought you loved her, she has revealed herself to be a liar and a cheater. You need to deal with the person she is, not the person she appeared to be.
paleblue Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 arp sorry about all this. from an outside perspective what i think you should do is cut off all ties from her and move on with your life and find someone new. she is over things and is hooking up with another guy. its over. the best thing to do is just walk away. and keep your dignity while you are at it. you should be pissed and you should be a cold hearted b*stard towards her. i seriously doubt in your heart of hearts you really want her back. she is cheating and trying to hide it. now you cant trust her either. if you dont have trust you have nothing. realistically however this is all easier said than done. im sure it will go back and forth for awhile. just try to keep your dignity through all this and dont become a doormat for your ex. you deserve better than this out of someone. remember that.
jnj express Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 If she truly loved you---you wouldn't be getting all this BS from her. If you are in a committed relationship, then there should be no other guy involved. Relationships should be made up of 2 people, not 3 people. Your Gf is playing both of you. No matter what, at this point you do not forgive her. If you want this to work, you have no chance if she percieves you as easy, and willing to slide this under the rug, I.E. you are a doormat, that is not what you want to be thought of. Play hardball, tell her either she drops other guy, and goes NC immediately or the 2 of you are done. You will get your answer, and from that answer, and how she reacts, you will know which way to go. Your gut will tell you.
ICouldSayTheSame Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Get a couple of hard hitting guys to pay her a visit. But seriously, for your own sake, get rid of her. If she loves you, she'll realise she made a mistake and lost you because of it, and when she realises that you're gone forever, she'll feel terrible for ages. Being a cold b*stard like people have said, sadly, is the only way. Plus, getting angry at her will help minimise the feelings of sadness. She's not worth your time. At the end of the day, a cheater deserves nothing but loneliness and regret. Even if she stopped seeing this guy and DIDN'T cheat again (which would be unlikely as she's been doing seeing this guy for a while), your relationship wouldn't ever be the same. You'd be insecure and untrusting and probably grow to hate her anyway. Don't put yourself through it man, there are some really decent people out there and she's not one of them. my advice would be to give her a hell of an ass-kicking (verbally) before you cut all ties and get back out there to find someone right for you. It's hard but you already have one bitch in your life, life itself, you don't need another.
Bejita463 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 my advice would be to give her a hell of an ass-kicking (verbally) This will accomplish nothing. If anything, it would reinforce whatever perverted reasoning she used to justify to herself that it was okay to cheat to begin with. The best course of action would be to simply leave. Calmly.
TaraMaiden Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Yup, I agree with bejita. Don't know if you two guys live together, but in your shoes I'd arrange it so that she came home and find you've gone. packed. Lock, stock and barrel. all gone. If you don't live together, then simply wipe her presence off the face of the planet, and let her do the hard groundwork to find out what's happened. If you hear nothing for days, then two things have happened for sure. She knows damn well why you've gone, and won't be contactng you out of guilt. You will have done her dirty work for her by ending it anyway, and she'll be relieved to just get on with her life. Either way, you need to look after yourself, lick your wounds and move on. And tell everyone why it's over. because she's squatting it down for another guy, and you're not into using soiled goods.
lordWilhelm Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 She clearly doesn't respect you right now. Break up with her, and don't make a huge dramatic scene about it. Just move on with your life and get her out of the picture as soon as possible. The funny thing is, she'll respect you a whole lot more in retrospect when she won't be able to have you anymore.
Spectre Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 (edited) Seriously, when are females going to learn that it's just plain not a good idea to have guy friends in such a manner(hanging out with them alone, talking to just them all the time) if you have a bf. Seriously, if having a male friend in your life is so much more important than being with your bf, DUMP HIM. Seriously, how can women not feel skanky when they behave like this? If I did this to a girl I was dating, I'd feel like a piece of sh*t. This is not rocket science people, it really isn't. Whenever I want my faith in humanity to be utterly destroyed, I literally just have to come to this forum and read it for like..5 minutes. It boggles the mind how selfish people can be, and especially when they try to sit here and feed us bull**** like "oh i slept with another guy, but I love my bf!". Obviously nobody has ever heard of the phrase "actions speak louder than words", that or they just plain don't understand it. Edited May 8, 2010 by Spectre
Feelin Frisky Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 What is there to be confused about? If she loved or respected you, she would not be letting another man screw her. Don't you feel you deserve better than that? You should, because you do. Effing A. Lay down the law. I'd dump her, love be damned. She is a betrayer and that breaks hearts that sometimes never fully mend. She made the choice. Not you. Now it's time for you to man up.
seibert253 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Arp. Here's what I would do: I'd sit her down, tell her you know she's been cheating on you with X, (whatever his name is). Don't give details or explainations on how you know. Just tell her you KNOW, and there is no speculation. Then tell her that while you do love her, you are deeply hurt by what she's done, and you cannot put up with her lying and disrespect. Then tell her you and she are through. If you have anything that is hers, return it to her. If she has anything of yours, ask her to return it. Do not argue, discuss your relationship, listen to her cry and beg for another chance, yada, yada. Say what you've got to say, then leave. Go NC with her. IF she calls, texts, emails, don't answer. Later down the road, if you feel like giving her another shot, then there's alot she needs to do before you even think of trying again. Personally, you're not married, no kids I assume, I'd say move on. There's soooo many good women out there that will not treat you the way she has. If I hadn't had 18 years and a kid invested in my M, my FWW would be long gone. But, things for now are better than ever, so who knows. Keep us updated.
Green Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 First off I would always suspect something was up if I had a gf who was hanging out with some guy "friend." Second if you know for a fact she is hooking up with another guy you should dump her. I'm not saying you have to be mad at her or anything, just let her know that you know what is up and then leave her. She will keep doing this, if she begs or cries its just because she doesn't want to get dumped don't be tricked into thinking things like this will stop. GO NC FOR YOUR SANITY
Reality Drip Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 She's being dishonest and blowing you off. You can't make her want to have you as priority #1. Move on, my friend. -Max
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