xxJoyxx Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Hey guys. I'm new and haven't done a lot of lurking so please forgive me! Anyways, I've been with an extremely controlling and codependent man for about 8 months. I'm miserable, and I know that I need to leave him. No questions asked, he is bad for me. He lives with me (learned my lesson on that one) and I asked him to pack his things and leave and never contact me again a couple of weeks ago. I felt terrible because he doesn't really have anyone in his life but me. Well, he and I talked for a couple hours that night, and he told me about how he was going to reenlist in the Army and that he was going to get killed out in the fields of Iraq. He gave me this huge long guilt trip about how he was going to die if we broke up and I felt SO insanely guilty that I let him stay. Obviously, things have not gotten better. I want him gone. But I can't get over the guilt!!! I know that I have to put myself first, but it is so extremely hard. So. what do I do to get through this?? How do I break it off??
Livelovelearn Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Hello Joy, I honestly think you need to put yourself first. I have been in a situation with someone that i loved and i feel that i may have been dependent on him to the point where maybe he felt bad for breaking up with me and he knew i would cry my eyes out, and you know what he did? he cheated on me, had a full on relationship for 4 months! I told him i wish he broke up with me first rather than cheating because now my whole perspective on things have changed. SO though it may be hard now...just sit down talk to him tell him you need space and maybe in the future you guys can be friends or you guys can keep in touch for now because if you stay, you will cheat especially if you are not happy, and it will make the situation 10 times worse! Good luck
TaraMaiden Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Well, he and I talked for a couple hours that night, and he told me about how he was going to reenlist in the Army and that he was going to get killed out in the fields of Iraq. He gave me this huge long guilt trip about how he was going to die if we broke up and I felt SO insanely guilty that I let him stay. Obviously, things have not gotten better. I want him gone. But I can't get over the guilt!!! I know that I have to put myself first, but it is so extremely hard. So. what do I do to get through this?? How do I break it off?? You do a little research, find a couple of 'phone numbers, and get a couple of names. Then, you ask him again to leave. he comes up with all the above spiel about joining the army, and going to Iraq and getting killed. so you get the phone, dial one of the numbers you found, ask to speak to the name you found, hand him the 'phone and tell him the guy at the other end is the Army Enlisting Officer who will happily take all his details and help him enlist, and then he'd have a whole platoon of friends in his life, to get to know. In other words, you call his bluff. You get him to put his money where his mouth is. Because, if all he can come out with in his own defence, is emotional threats that yank your guilt strings, he's lower than a pythons l3ollocks in a wheel rut. Either tell him to do what he's threatening to do - or tell him that you can carry out your threat to throw him out. Either way - he has to leave. His choice. Which one is it going to be? And you need a friend there with you to give you moral support, encouragement and the strength to go through with it. ....Second thoughts.... call the Army Enlistment Guy to come round in person. Talk about killing two birds with one stone! And you know what? You think I'm being flippant? Oh no. I'm deadly serious.
CaliGuy Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Yeah I definitely think his bluff is to "force you" to change your mind. You made a decision, stick with it. Don't worry about feeling guilty. It is better for you to follow what you feel is right than have your arm twisted by a selfish person!
Ilovecake Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Well if he enlists that's his decision not yours. He has hundreds of other choices. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. If a guy pulled that sort of mind games on me I would spit in his face. How immature and selfish of him. He sounds like a terrible person. I also like the call his bluff scenario.
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