should she tell

[lkjh]

I tried but now she is mad. She said what good would come from her telling her sister. I don't know what to believe now.

 

 

Man the hell up.

[seibert253]

You need to be a man and take up for your wife.

Deep down inside that's what she wants, you to stand up and defend her.

That's what you need to do.

 

Have a very polite, professional, and non emotional "chat" with your BIL. Tell him he disrespected you and your wife and you will not tolerate it again. (dont be specfic with threats or what you will do, just tell him you will not tolerate it).

 

Then I would tell him he needs to apologize to your W for being an azz. If he does that, then finite, done, it's no longer an issue.

 

If he doesn't apologize, then his W should know what he did, and the azz he made of himself. Then IMO you and your W need to limit your contact with him. Especially if alcohol comes into play.

 

Unless your BIL is held accountable for his actions, they will be repeated. If not with your W, then with someone else's.

[phineas]

She told him no.

But was it because she was just outside your bedroom door & might get caught or no because she wanted no part of it?

 

She should be angry with HIM. Not you.

She shouldn't be making excuses for him either.

She should be wanting you to kick his ass.

 

My STBXW told me OM was "just a friend" who once made a sexual gesture towards her & that was why she stopped being his friend. (a lie)

 

Yet she would not say she was mad at him or say anything negative about him at all.

 

Now, one of my friends was hammered & made a pretty mild joke at her expense once & for 4 yrs she never let me forget it nor anybody else if this friend was mentioned.

 

I hate to point my finger & say "adulterer" at a lot of posts, but I see many behaviors here my STBXW exibited when she was cheating on me.

[married]

Unlike some of the posters in this thread, I actually DO believe she thwarted his advances and is telling you the truth that she "took care of it" and didn't let it go anywhere.

 

I've been in her position and I DO understand how she feels about not wanting to blow the family dynamic apart.

 

It goes way deeper than just hurting her sister's feelings if she blows the lid off this. Once you've done that, every family gathering in the future is going to be uncomfortable for everyone and the easy camaraderie you now all share is going to be compromised. So I definitely see why your wife is trying so hard NOT to have that happen.

 

But that DOESN'T mean she's "guilty" or that she encouraged him to hit on her just because she doesn't want to forever change things between her sister and herself. And if she were up to no good with her brother-in-law, she damned well wouldn't have been doing it RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR BEDROOM DOOR where you could hear it. That's just utter nonsense.

 

I think your best bet (in this case) is to take your smarmy brother-in-law aside and let him know your wife told you everything that happened. Let him know you don't appreciate him hitting on your wife and in the process disrespecting you, your wife, HIS wife and the entire family with his sleazy behavior. Tell him you expect an apology from him for disrespecting you and that if anything in the future EVER happens like this again, you WON'T give him the benefit of a private chat between the two of you - you'll instead have that chat directly with is wife.

 

I'm always an advocate of telling the betrayed spouse, I truly am. And if you'd found out they were having an affair then I'd have no mercy on them. But it sounds as though this was ONE isolated incident in all the years you've all known each other. I'm not excusing his sleazy behavior, but you just need to weigh all your options and their outcomes - is assauging your anger at this clown worth the eventual fallout within the family?

 

 

I truly do love and trust my wife. I know that she was just having a good time. Like i said before, The problem is not that i was mad at my wife for what happened. He was the problem. I was mad at some of the reasons why she would not tell him off or tell her sister. I don't understand is that she feels sorry for him and has said that if it weren't for the alcohol he wouldn't have done this. I believe this is true however it still happened. A person who crashes and kills someone while drunk still is held responsible even though they were drunk. In both cases alcohol was a factor but not an excuse. I do feel my wife handled the situation well. I do think however that she is giving him too much credit because he was drunk. She has decided not to tell her sister because of the reasons you mentioned women in blue. I know that she has never cheated on me. I guess i will come to terms and honor her wishes with this without fully understanding her view. I also think although she did nothing wrong that she doesn't want to be the reason they split up. I do accept that excuse. I know that she is reading through this thread every day to see what has been posted and i don't understand why. She hasn't defended any negative posts or even brought them up. I think she just wants to see what is written.

[road]

To protect the other marriages around this OM must be exposed as the predator that he is.