does she want to be with me or not? (driving me nuts)

[Roy_4u]

Hello all,

 

I am a new member and hoping for some words of wisdom. I am 34/M.

I am going through a divorce (which will be final in just a few days) - but that's not what I want to discuss. I was in a really abusive relationship and I am glad it's all coming to an end.

 

The problem is with a new girl in my life. A few months ago I met this girl online on a dating site. She is around my age and divorced. At that point I had already filed for divorce so was not really single. However in order to get this girl interested in me, I told her I am divorced and single now. My bad ..I honestly regret to this day having lied to her. So anyway, we chatted for a few days, decided we liked each other enough to meet. We met. It was the most incredible first date. We had an instant connection and at the end of our date I asked her if she would like to meet me again. She said "yes". I was ecstatic

 

So then I went back home and this whole thing about my marital situation and not being forthright about it to her started eating me up. 3 days later I just could not take it and spilled out the truth to her. She was very dissapointed and mad, but appreciated my honesty. She eventally calmed down and decided she wanted to meet me again to discuss this in person. We met again. She said that she really likes me but given my situation and the fact that I lied, she is not sure if she wants to meet me until my divorce is final. I understood her situation and said that it was fine ..I agreed that we should not meet until I sort out my mess. She also told me very clearly that she doesn't want to commit yet. She said she needs time to think but agreed to talk over the phone. She wanted me to keep her updated her on my divorce situation. I apologized to her several times and said that I completely understand. I told her that if she decides to break it off with me, I would appreciate if she tells it to me right away and not keep me hanging and wondering. She agreed.

 

So then after our second meeting we have been chatting off and on over the phone. My divorce case is coming to a close now (just a few days away from the final hearing). I have been keeping her up to date on my case and we chat about other things too. She still seems interested ..we talk, we laugh and she said she is glad that a bad phase of my life is coming to an end in a few days. Lately however she never calls me ..i always call her...so that is kind of dissapointing.

 

Now I should tell you that I really, really, really like this girl. The thought of going around with anyone else hasn't even crossed my mind ever since I met her. I feel comitted to her in way. So the fact that she stopped calling me really hurts but I never confronted her about it.

 

Two days ago I decided to go back to the dating site to close my profile and shut my account (i was paying for it all this time for nothing). I stumbled upon something I never expected. I checked out her profile and noticed that she has been active on this site all this time.

 

So now I don't know what to do. I don't know whether she is still interested in me. She hasn't told me that she wants to break it off ..she actually still seems interested. But then why is she still on that dating site and active?

I don't know what should I do. I obviously cannot confront her about her being active on the dating site ..because she cleary said that she doesn't want to commit until my divorce is final. So she isn't doing anything wrong. But on the other hand she hasn't told me that she wants to break it off and infact we always have a good time on the phone.

 

I am terribly confused on what to do. Should I stop calling her and move on?

 

Thanks for reading my long and complicated story.

 

Roy

[karma84]

According to her, the main problem here is that you're still technically married. The only way to truly know what her intentions are with you, is to wait until your divorce papers are finalized. I would wait a few days to call her -until everything has gone through, and then let her know.. see where it goes from there.. if she starts making contact without you having to initiate it, then she's clearly still into you. If not, you may want to keep your options open and rejoin the dating site.

[Roy_4u]

Thank you Karma84. That sounds like very sane advice and that's what I'll do.

Thanks!