ezious Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I'll keep this short: - Together for a year, break up for a year, back together for 4 months (round 2). - We're in a long distance relationship, but I'm moving to the same city for work in a couple of months (personal reasons, not for relationship) - First two months (round 2) were very very strong. Then she had major surgery on her foot that took a toll on her and put her in a rut. - She took it out on our relationship for 1.5 months, and our relationship suffered as a result. - When we discussed it, she said it has nothing to do with our relationship and she just needs time to herself to learn how to deal with her situation. She said she has had this surgery on her foot in the past and also pushed someone from her past away. - i tried to be understanding and decided to give her a 2 week break. - 2 week break did not help, so she decided it's best we break up until I move to the same city (about 2 months), and when I move we will date again and see if we want to get into the relationship. Is this a load of BS? She assures me she's still in love, but how could you possibly do this if you're in love? Shouldn't you want the person there? Should I even bother giving her a second chance when I move? It just seems like she does not care... Do people actually deal with things this way? It is so selfish. She says she understands my situation but I have to understand that if we continue like this we will break up for good, and the best solution is for us to break up temporarily until she deals with her problems. What do you guys think?
Ronni_W Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 She knows what she needs from herself in order to completely heal from this surgery (physically, mentally and emotionally), and that is a good thing. A decision or action is not "selfish" just because it doesn't fit in with what you want, need or expected to happen. Our partners are NOT put on this earth just to please us no matter what, or at the expense of them pleasing themselves. That is a wrong (selfish) view of what "love" is, what "love" promises, and what "love" can deliver. Given that she didn't learn from her last surgery, how to better manage her side of things and not push people away from her -- that's your BIG RED FLAG that she's not learning from her life experiences. Until she does start doing that, her relationships are always going to be how they have always been. You're already had Round 1 and Round 2 with her. Do you REALLY want Round 3, if there is no real evidence that it's gonna end up any better than before???
Unguardiant Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I agree with the post above. IMO, if she is "taking this out on you" its either a sign that she is unable to cope with challenges without hurting others (showing poor emotional and communication skills) or that it is an excuse for becoming more distant from you without having to explain the true root of it. All the best either way!
Livelovelearn Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 i agree with what others are saying, but theres also a possibility that she is no longer into the relationship and she is using this as an excuse to let you down easily. My ex was dealing with his mom having cancer for a month and at the time he told me he needed time to figure out his life and he was stressed and he didnt want a relationship right now, and assured me that he was not with someone else, but guess what? he has started another relationship with a girl, keeping me as his friend and texting me just in case things did not work out with her. Every time i asked he said that there was no one else and he needed to figure things out in his life.
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