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Have I just been getting a string of flakes lately, or is it something else?


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Posted

I'm a little upset right now, and this feeling is stemming from my recent encounters with guys who randomly drop off the face of the earth. I'm not sure if this thread's purpose is to help me blow off some steam, or it serves to draw out some deeper dysfunction that I have yet to come to terms with.

 

Roughly two months ago, a guy and I met on match.com. Fast-forward to the first two dates. They both went over very well (really, I'm beginning to understand that this is relative), and at the end, he said, "We should do it again, and keep in touch." Thinking this was a good sign, I contacted him roughly four days later by email asking him how he was, how much I enjoyed our time together, and blah, blah, blah, segue to asking for a third date. No response (this was roughly two months ago). I thought, okay, whatever. He's ambivalent or has some other major hiccups that probably meant it was for the best. In any case, I still was a bit dejected that I didn't get a response. Even if it was one that detailed how he didn't care to go out on a third date, he was super busy, he was going to moon, etc.

 

Next guy: Again, match.com, roughly a month after the other one. We communicated extensively through email (and by extensively, I don't mean 300/day; roughly 1 email/2 days). He finally asks for my number, I give, and he gives me his. A week or so goes by with no call, but continued emailing. I get a bit annoyed, so I call him myself. Left a message, and he calls back later, and we chat for approximately two hours. The conversation was rather dynamic, and not awkward (again, maybe dynamic is relative), and we end the night with him saying it was nice to finally talk to me and that we should talk soon.

 

So, I text him a few days later asking how his day is going. No response. Whatever. He most likely is busy, I think. A week goes by with no emailing, but he is active on the match site, so I email him saying I hope everything is okay, and that I hope we can chat again, and asking him how things are. That was a week ago, and no response. Seriously, WTF? I've got my act together: I'm getting a doctorate in molecular pharmacology for God's sake, and I'm just shy of 25.

 

I'm starting to grow really frustrated. I'm not sure why people don't even bother to return a email saying that they are no longer interested or whatever. Honestly, I made the effort to tell this one guy that we'd be better off as friends in the past, and I operate on the principle that I should be honest with people because people don't like being strung around.

 

Am I just getting a string of flakes? Has anyone else experienced this? Honestly, I feel it best just to give up for a time, as I seem to have better luck when I'm not putting any effort into dating.

 

Oh, I know that guys (or anyone) who are interested will get in contact and return calls/emails/whatever. This I know. Clearly the guys aren't interested. I'm just frustrated with the minimal amount of effort that is required to say in no particular way, "I'm not interested," that guys fail to evince.

 

Thanks, and sorry about the complaining.

Posted

What you're running up against is a very sad fact about human beings--i.e. that many of them always look to make things as easy as possible for themselves, regardless of how that affects other people. The disappearing act is a horrible form of disrespect. And there is only one reason people to it, and that is to spare themselves a difficult conversation with someone.

 

Sadly, internet dating has exacerbated this already serious problem. Internet dating has reduced people to commodities like nothing else before it. People who look for dates online often treat other people as if they were objects for sale. They see no more reason to say goodbye to a person they met online than to a car they walked away from in a showroom. I don't know what the answer is.

Posted

"Am I just getting a string of flakes? Has anyone else experienced this? "

 

It's not you. Same type of thing with me when I went on Match.com-

I have coined a new type of men out there:

 

LAZY DATERS

 

Pure and simple. Lazy, unmotivated, non-communicative.

 

Don't you love when they just "wink wink"? Are they that lazy they can't write a few sentences? Do they really think we are impressed by that? Or how about when they write 2 words? I actually exhanged email addresses with one guy and he sent me one email- WITH ONE WORD in the email- and it was my name? Go figure. This was after the first email which was "....we should tee it up" lol....Are you kidding me?

 

 

So I went on a few dates like you except I never contacted them after the first date. I made it clear in my profile that I was looking for a gentleman who knows how to treat a lady. If these men were any type of gentleman they would have secured the 2nd date at the end of the first. Or something like- when can I see you again? or at least have the decency and manners to call the next day.

 

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, maybe I'll be single forever, but I am NOT settling - been there, done that. And I'll never do that again.

 

So yes- flakes they are!!!!

Posted

In large part, it is where you are looking. These sites allow someone to hide and be anonymous, and project anything they want, and so you will meet a lot of disingenuous people who are stringing numerous people along at once.

 

I imagine it is a heyday for guys who are even remotely attractive or have something going on. There are so many women out there ready to fawn all over them, and put out with a stranger.

 

It is very different than meeting a friend of a friend, whose reputation you can check out, and if he treats you badly, will be given grief by a set of mutual friends. I wouldn't touch internet dating with a ten foot pole. People out there these days are scary.

Posted

IronMaiden,

Your absolutely right about the online dating.

I did it for 3 months just to see what was out there. Blechhh!

 

But I have to tell you I was asked by a friend of a friend if she could give her friend my email address to her other friends son (with me so far?)

 

We emailed for a few weeks- nothing indepth or anything, but I would respond when I saw his email- yet he would take 3-4 days to respond. Then I never heard back from him for maybe 3 weeks-

The email said "I'm still alive- but I haven't been in touch because I have had a terrible sinus infection" lol...I didn't respond. I told all the friends involved exactly what happened and forwarded his emails to them because they couldn't believe it.

 

Out by default.

 

You only have 1 chance to make a first impression and maybe these guys are all playing games, but I know when and if the right guy comes along I'll know because even if he has nothing else, he will have manners.....:laugh:

  • Author
Posted

Thank you all for your advice and wisdom. This all makes sense, but I think I just need to convince myself not to invest a lot into dating at this point--at least, online dating. Thanks again, everyone.

 

-b

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