Mimi87 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 ok so ive been dating this guy for a couple weeks (on n off) n its been quite good. before him i havent had the best luck with guys n relationships n then he came along.tbh honest at first i decided he was the 'good on paper' guy so i wasnt really hoping on giving him a chance but i went ahead anyway,everyone deserves a chance.1st date was valentinesday,wasnt really clear if it was a friendly date or morecos there were no moves made in any way.thats wen i realised he is shy n i liked that he wasnt all over me. anyway speed up a few weeks n we'v been seein each other like once a week or sometimes less.now theres where i get a bit wortied, shouldnt he want to be sering me more n more as weeks go pass? i know everyone moves at different pases but it seems like me n him are not moving at all! i guess i just wish that he would call or text occasionally (im not asking everyday) so that i know he is really interested.because when we r together everything is great,kisses are lovely n so many cuddles,he spoils me on every date.but then i wont really hear from him until a week later.i have tried contacting him 1st but ofcourse i want him to want to call me on his own,is that so wrong?! anyway i understand he works alot and all of that but so do i and it doesnt really take up much time to send a lil text :s i just need some harsh advice,does it look like he doesnt really want to be with me? i dont know wether i should ask him about how he feels about me. help guys!
ADF Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Here's a good rule of thumb: men almost never go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attracted to them. Almost never. The fact this man makes any effort at all to see you suggests he is interested. He may well be shy, as you say. Go ahead and take the initiative for a while. In a short time, I bet he'll follow your lead.
Author Mimi87 Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 i appreciate both advice here but i think this one hits home more. it is true,i am not very comfortable initiating,in the past its always been that the guy was the one who planned n initiated everythin which made me feel more wanted i suppose. maybe it is a confidence thing,i mean ive always been the type of girl to get higher selfesteem frm being showered with compliments from guys,its very vain i know but it just let me know that they wer into me, he doesnt hardly compliment me.sometimes i can tell he wants to say somethin nice but he gets kinda shy. do u think that i should straight up ask him what he thinks of what we'r doin n wer wants it to go? friends say that i shouldnt ask that as it will complicate things but i dnt know. i mean like this weekend he told me he didnt have anythin planned so i thought id let him initiate n ask me to do somethin,but its sunday night n im still waiting.i like him n i guess im trying to force him to like me back in the exact same way wjich i understand isnt fair but i should be 100% happy right... :s
romer Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 This is exactly what I needed to read. I have been "seeing" a guy I met two weeks ago. He is extremely busy...a job, starting a new business, two kids...and he told me up front. He said he has a big void in his life, and that is someone special, so he is looking for a serious relationship. This guy is so nice. Unlike anyone I've ever dated. The problem I've been having is that I have to initiate everything. He's texted and called a few times without my initiation, but it's just kind of strange. I keep thinking he's not interested, but he tells me he is. I asked him a few days ago to be upfront with me and tell me if he has doubts about us moving forward, and he told me he could see us in a serious relationship and was happy with the way things are for now. So, one day I'm up and the next day I'm down. He left town for a few days for work and I asked him to send me a message letting me know he arrived safely, and he said no problem...never heard a peep. This was last night. I still haven't heard anything...it's crazy. I just don't really know what to think.
Author Mimi87 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 romer, its the exact same thing with me. he says he wants to spend more time with me when he is actually with me but when we'r apart we REALLY are apart (if that makes sense lol). its just like what you're saying except we haven't had a conversation about becoming serious like you have had but he lets me know that he wants me in his life and how his mother would approve of me etc etc and he has introduced me to some of his friends. i guess i feel kind of out of place cos im usually soooo good at reading people espec guys im seeing (im a psychology graduate hehe) but with him i just cant seem to find out what it is that he really wants! im just afraid that he will end up saying that he doesnt want a serious relationship (which i want) and ill just end up feeling like i wasted so much energy on him. but atleast im protecting my heart in all of this, i havent really let myself go with him 100% yet just cos of the way he is holding back. i guess for now all i can do is take sadin's advice n let it unfold...
Author Mimi87 Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 yea i took the laid back approach as many of my friends and you guys have allowed me to think about. so it's been 2 weeks and 2 days now with NO contact from him whatsoever! Even when we have both been online at the same time (like facebook chat and msn) he hasnt said anything to me, which he usually does. he usually always says hi to me online, i guess things have changed! It was good for me to take a step back and see if he would do the chasing (or anything!) but I guess he wasn't just 'shy' after all more' just not that into me' I mean it's fine I just regret having spent energy and time reading into all of it. Just wish he wouldve called or texted me to say that he doesnt wanna take it any further (which he CLEARLY doesnt) instead of leading me on and letting me believe that everything was all nice and rosy! Oh well many more fish and all that jazz, right?
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