Lucky555 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 my friend tells me to give the guy a chance with me. Same guy who went out with his ex. (I'm not trying to sound like a bi*** here but I'm being honest about what was happening and i don't see how my friend (who is his friend too, a male) should be influencing me to get back with the guy) I feel like i am being manipulated. when i asked my friend what the guy wants he says that he doesn't have a lot of time but likes me and does want to see me. I ask my friend why would he see his ex? my friend says its because she wants him back and he likes to "tease her" its an egotistic thing because she dumped him awhile back. (Doesn't it sound like he has not moved on? This sounds very unhealthy to me. It sounds like he has self esteem issues regarding the past relationship and has not recovered fully yet. ) Evidently this is not a big deal and I am "crazy" for making it a big deal. He involved my friend because he doesn't want to be confrontational or make me mad. As i have found it sounds like he wanted our friend to persuade me to give him the time of day. The thing is this. I ask my friend if this guy legitimately wants a relationship. He said that because the guy doesn't have a lot of time that he was not looking for getting too involved right now. Eventually the guy will have some time and things would get better. HOLD UP: Eventually.......? Well why doesn't the guy wait until he can invest time in a relationship? Do they think I'm stupid??? I should wait till he EVENTUALLY has made up his mind?? So why should I want to make-up with a guy who doesn't have time for a relationship? How is this benefiting me? Also, when i was with him (a few months back) he wanted to sleep with me. I didn't because I wanted a confirmation that this was going to be going somewhere (RELATIONSHIP) He made up many excuses as to why he couldn't do this or that with me and only wanted to hang out with me at his place!! I ask myself why am I going to listen to my friend to hang around with this guy who wants to have the benefits of a relationship but can't be too involved? HAVE PEOPLE GONE CRAZY? WHAT IS THIS BULLS*** I have never had to deal with anything like this. I feel like this is pretty extreme for a guy to manipulate me. Using my own friend to get to me?? I feel like this is manipulation and I don't know how others see this or if they have experienced this. By no means am i trying to sound like a victim ITS JUST SO FREAKING WEIRD that a guy would fully admit to someone he can't be in a relationship but thinks that i should give him a chance I know what i want. someone who wants a relationship. Its the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". The lengths this guy has taken. He has created drama between our mutual friend and mine over this situation. I think he got irritated because I caught on to his agenda and stopped participating in it!! So he went to our friend to get "Sympathy" and to get our friend to contact me to get to me "emotionally". The reason why he and I are were not working was because I want a relationship and he can't commit. So i think now he is frustrated that he can't have me because I chose not to play the game. What my friend says: I should contact him and apologize for the way I acted. I should want to be with him because I have feelings for him still. Yes, I have feelings but i know what i want and that is a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. The guy clearly didn't want a relationship with me so why am i going backwards and apologizing???? It wouldn't work out even if i apologized and wanted him back. Because I want a relationship and he doesn't. I think the friend and the guy are absurd for calling me crazy and for thinking I should try to give him a chance.
Kamille Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Yikes. Stay away. Since your "friend" confirms this guy is playing with his ex's mind to stroke his ego, who's to say he isn't doing the same thing with you? And yes, it is immature to enlist a friend to try and convince you. Not to mention, that friend of yours sounds like quite a number himself. You should apologize for having set your boundaries??? Anyway - there are way too many red flags in that post. I understand your uneasiness. It isn't you. It's them. There's only one word (ok 2) that comes to mind to describe this guy and you friend: "drama kings". Stay away.
Author Lucky555 Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 Yikes. Stay away. Since your "friend" confirms this guy is playing with his ex's mind to stroke his ego, who's to say he isn't doing the same thing with you? And yes, it is immature to enlist a friend to try and convince you. Not to mention, that friend of yours sounds like quite a number himself. You should apologize for having set your boundaries??? Anyway - there are way too many red flags in that post. I understand your uneasiness. It isn't you. It's them. There's only one word (ok 2) that comes to mind to describe this guy and you friend: "drama kings". Stay away. Ya the friend of mine has not had successful relationships, is selfish, and needs to work on himself in order to get a girl to even consider dating him. Not the person to be giving advise. I have to admit i got the info out him by being slightly manipulative like saying..that i was wanting to work on things with the guy and i need to know what the guy wanted. I really just needed to hear what he had said to the friend. So now this friend is going to go back and tell him that I want to continue....but after getting my information it just reaffirms what i already SUSPECTED!! I really did suspect early on that the guy didn't want to get into a relationship, but he kept saying that he wasn't looking for friends with benefits or anything casual. So i was confused and gave him the benefit of the doubt at the time. Anyways. thanks for the input. I just hate how they think a girl is crazy for being upset over things when the guy just wasn't telling the WHOLE TRUTH so he can continue to get what he wants. Why do that to someone who truly wants a good relationship and is not about playing games? sigh
Author Lucky555 Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 i totally think its manipulation. I don't think i should apologize for being "crazy" as the two guys say i was. All i did was confront the guy about the issues that were happening since he claimed it wasn't casual or friends with benefits that he was looking for. I was making sure I was not going to be used or led on. I also do not want STDs. If being honest and confronting a guy is crazy then so be it call me crazy. In actuality its being respectful of myself spiritually, mentally, and physically. I don't understand why i can't be angry at the guy seeing his ex when he was still wanting to be with me...and all i did was confront the issue.Prior to me giving him a chance i clearly asked him about his ex because i knew there was a long history. He claimed to me that he never sees the ex and he doesn't talk to her much and they were growing distant!...Well i study human behavior for a PROFESSION!! I know that if a person is just casually going to hang out with someone its because they have open communication. AND this just proved to me that there was no distancing at all. OF COURSE I was angry he lied! I would have never involved myself had i known he still is going to be seeing his ex!! Being friends and hanging out in a group of friends is different than going out to dinner by themselves!! Neither of the two guys can see how this is wrong. The friend knows its not right because he told me on a prior occasion. Now that i have cut the guy out of my life the friend says "its natural to do that" hahaha I have been in enough relationships to know its NOT NATURAL. NEXT!
Sazerac Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 If I were you, I'd definitely ditch the guy for good--and ditch the mutual friend as well. That is NO friend.
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