ryanaldo Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 me and my best friend were inseperable for 2 and a half years then back in september my best friend's dad had a heart attack. i was suppoertive of him and said i would be there for him when he needed it. i was there as a friend. however, when he cam back he seemed to get on well with another housemate increasingly better and i became jealous because he was my best friend. this led to me being short with him but he also was short because he started thinking i copied everything i did. then we had a number of arguments and then after a weekend we both fell out with each other. i did say on a few occasions that i didn't want to be friends with him. i said it in the final argument and he finally said that he had enough because even though i said i was sorry i would have to prove that i meant it. but on the last occasion i was just looking out for him because he was using the gym twice a day and swimming all in one day. i said that even though this would help with stress in short term, it was not healthy. he then replied with 'i can do whatever i want' and 'it's none of your business.' i cracked because he was being short with me from the start as well. but he had changed so much i didn't seem to enjoy the company hence why always was short with him. also he said to me a couple of months before that he could never be friends with that guy because of the way he acted. he was sneaky and would try and pit friends against each other. i should have left him alone but i didn't i kept bugging him saying i was sorry which he said showed i did not listen and showed i had learnt nothing. then after christmas i was attempting to repair the friendship by talking to him more but i didn't realise that leaving him alone would have been better. he then said to me that i was the sole reason for nearly quitting uni even though his dad had a heart attack, his sister was bulimic and his brother was suicidal. i was so upset by this and my dad said to me that he was trying to purposely make me feel bad. i had done nothing to him at this point. he did tell me when we fell out that he really hoped that we could be friends again on day but he didn't know when. then in then said in february that he didn't mean what he said when he said that he wanted to be friends again. this also hurt. however a few weeks later he even admitted that things between me and him did improve. then i said that would go for a drink in the pub like we used to do before all this. he said that he didn't drink anymore, this wouldn't usually annoy me but it did because that is how me and him used to socialize. i did suggest day trips but he said no. i asked him why he changed so much and that he was such a nice guy before. that was four weeks ago. then 4 days ago, he deleted me as a friend off facebook and i actually saw him drinking with another friend after he told me he didn't drink at all. that last thing could have been avoided had he not lied to me. we used to be like brothers and i have apologized for my actions but he will accept no wrong doing. the last thing i text to him was that i would still be there for him and wished him luck in the future. should i leave him alone?
Peaceful Guy Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 should i leave him alone? yeah, but not because you're doing anything wrong.. but because right now there's someone else out there that would love the time and attention.. by letting go of this person, you're likely to find what you enjoyed in the relationship with someone else!
Author ryanaldo Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 i do have relationships with other friends but he was my best friend. will he ever want to be friends if i do leave him alone for a while and go to other friends? i don't want to lose him forever.
TaraMaiden Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Maybe so. But you can't change what's happened, and unless you both gain enough maturity and insight into letting go and moving on, this will forever be the 'elephant in the room' you'll both skirt around and pretend doesn't exist. I suggest you let matters cool entirely for a while, and then try something down the line. Like, in about 6 months. I'm serious.
Peaceful Guy Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 i do have relationships with other friends but he was my best friend. will he ever want to be friends if i do leave him alone for a while and go to other friends? i don't want to lose him forever. well, to leave him alone right now IS to be a friend.. from what i read it sounds like you've done a number of things to reach out to him. done, point made.. you care.. you want him in your life. now, "the ball is in his court". its up to him to get back in touch with you. sure, you'll miss him.. but not only were you good to him by showing how much he matters, but that you're also willing to give him space, if that's what he wants. you probably will miss him for a while, but to be with him right now is not necessarily to be happy with him. he will make his own choices.. also, once you love somebody its forever, so you can never really lose anyone.. you need to be true to yourself here as well. if you stepped away from the situation and looked at it from another person's point of view, would it be fair for you to not be happy for a long time over this? would you want that for yourself? letting go is something that is very hard to do, but is also a very important part of being a happy healthy person. its something that you do for others and yourself.
Author ryanaldo Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 yeah i can wait. now i left him but i text him today saying if i could talk to him before the end of the term and say a proper goodbye. after this i won't see him as much. also since we live together, it is very awkward!
Author ryanaldo Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 however, a similar situation occured last summer where i was worried so i tried to make him laugh by telling a few jokes. he then got annoyed with me and said i abandoned him in his time of need when i did not we didn't talk for two months. i text him asking how he was but he ignored me then as well he then sent me an email two months later saying he was sorry for what happened between us. do you think that this is a far more serious form of him being too hard on me again?
blueyedgrl85 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 You tried and did everything you could do given the situation. If you two were really so close, he probably just wants/needs some space and time to think about things going on in his life. He was immature in the way he handled it (ie: making you feel bad, etc.). That being said, it's time to move on, get your mind off your worries, and focus on yourself- join a sports team, volunteer, etc. Get out there and start meeting new people.
Author ryanaldo Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 i asked him today if he wanted to go for a pint but he said, he didn't wanna talk to me, didn't wanna be friends and didn't want anything to do with me. he lied to me before easter about not drinking again. he sat up with my other housemate last night and got very drunk. what the hell?!? i haven't done anything to him
Peaceful Guy Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 i asked him today if he wanted to go for a pint but he said, he didn't wanna talk to me, didn't wanna be friends and didn't want anything to do with me. he lied to me before easter about not drinking again. he sat up with my other housemate last night and got very drunk. what the hell?!? i haven't done anything to him go have the pint without him.. see who you meet!
Author ryanaldo Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 he has been ignoring text messages for weeks now, i need to text him about certain house related things. we do live together. so i mentioned on twitter on friday as a general comment that living with him sucked and actually mentioned his name. tbh it sucks so much living with him now because he has ignored me for weeks. after weeks of ignoring my texts, i asked him by text to bring cushions down from his bedroom to the living room. he ignored me. i then text him again asking him to be civil. he then text me finally saying 'civility? is that what you call naming me on twitter? you complete twat. don't you dare talk to me. i'm not in the house so i can't bring the cushions down.' i knew he was not in because i saw him leave the house and when he left i looked out the window and we made eye contact briefly. so he knew that i knew he was out. was he wrong for doing this.
Peaceful Guy Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 he has been ignoring text messages for weeks now, i need to text him about certain house related things. we do live together. so i mentioned on twitter on friday as a general comment that living with him sucked and actually mentioned his name. tbh it sucks so much living with him now because he has ignored me for weeks. after weeks of ignoring my texts, i asked him by text to bring cushions down from his bedroom to the living room. he ignored me. i then text him again asking him to be civil. he then text me finally saying 'civility? is that what you call naming me on twitter? you complete twat. don't you dare talk to me. i'm not in the house so i can't bring the cushions down.' i knew he was not in because i saw him leave the house and when he left i looked out the window and we made eye contact briefly. so he knew that i knew he was out. was he wrong for doing this. oh buddy, your stuck in the muck.. gotta let go of this one ryan.. its lame dude, no other way to say it. not you, the situation. its just not worth any more of your time!
Author ryanaldo Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 i suppose you are right, i think i should leave him alone. do you think that me constantly texting him has made him resent me more? also, do you think he will ever calm down and want to be friends if we don't speak for a couple of months?
Peaceful Guy Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 do you think that me constantly texting him has made him resent me more? it doesn't matter what he thinks.. just let it go. you don't need closure here.. you have nothing to feel bad about. just walk away. also, do you think he will ever calm down and want to be friends if we don't speak for a couple of months? i dunno.. i kind of hope that he doesn't.. and that you meet some cool people. at least, people that reciprocate your friendship. i can't remember how this started.. not sure if you really said. if you did something wrong.. you can apologize JUST for the sake of getting yourself in the clear(for yourself i mean).. other than that leave it be. and i really don't think you should apologize im just saying if that's weighing on you.. okay.. but really, get away from this guy! i think he's being a dick but i can't really tell.. from what i can understand for sure at this point.. don't waste any more time on the situation.
Jordanjames Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Ryan this guy is ignoring you and I think you just have to ignore him as well and move on. I know it will be hard but for your own mental health and happiness you must let go of him. Ask yourself this question, are you happy when you think about him? What is so special about this guy? You have proven you are a good friend to him yet he treats you like dirt. I agree with the other posters move on with your life. The more you persist the more painful this will be. You will meet new people if you give yourself the opportunity to.
blueyedgrl85 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 As the saying goes, "the more you chase it, the more it will elude you." It is time to move on.
Peaceful Guy Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 As the saying goes, "the more you chase it, the more it will elude you." It is time to move on. hey blueyedgrl85.. is that you in the picture?? cuuuuute!!!
blueyedgrl85 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 hey blueyedgrl85.. is that you in the picture?? cuuuuute!!! Thank you! LoL, it's a pic of my adorable, furry niece. (My sister's cat.)
Author ryanaldo Posted May 15, 2010 Author Posted May 15, 2010 i will try to leave him for a few months. we only have to live together for another 5 weeks. i think he will regret treating me like this in a few months as a friend who knew him back home said that he did it to his ex girlfriend and to her. there were periods where he wanted nothing to do with them. then a few months later he would relise he was so harsh and then say sorry.
Author ryanaldo Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 ahhh my friend moved out two days ago for good and didn't even say goodbye. i tried to give him a shot glass to remind him of some of the good times but he didn't want it. he told my housemate he would be back before the end of term for two or three days. two and half years of friendship can't mean nothing to him
Author ryanaldo Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 well my friend has left now withouy saying any goodbye. i want to leave him alone. also, i got into a situation with a girl and asked him about it because i thought he would put our differences aside. he did not. he told me just not to text him. i thought it was harsh and now i don't want to know him because of that.
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