Dating A Stripper!

[phineas]

My cousin got engaged to a stripper.

she bled him dry.

Controlled him.

took the diamond out of the engagement ring & had a piece of crap put in it before she gave the ring back to him.

 

They were looking for a marital home.

They found one she liked.

She got a copy of the home inspection & gave it to the guy she was banging while engaged to my cousin.

 

He bought the house & she moved in.

 

Later, she had him arrested on assault & rape. (she found a guy with more money)

 

Biggest POS EVER!

[SouthernSunshine]

I was an exotic dancer for a few years. It's all just a fantasy role. You have to keep your customers thinking you like them, and that maybe they'll have a chance in the future. That's why for me, I knew I had to get out of it before my customers started getting aggressive, or figured it out and stopped tipping as much. A dancer/stripper can only lead the guys on for so long until the guys figure it out, or the dancer goes onto the next step: prostitution.

 

You two should go to a different club when you're together, a place she doesn't work at. However, if you're already uncomfortable with the role she plays as a dancer, then the relationship is bound to fail. Unless of course, she stops dancing. Good luck!

[LoveLace]

Have you ever dated say, a teacher? I know teachers that are cautious about where they are seen because they don't want to run into a student's parents while they are tequila shots. It's just something that has to be dealt with because of the profession, and this is no different.

 

Your all wrong that she "likes a challenge"...no you see, doing what she does for a living automatically makes being in a relationship a challenge itself. And now you know why.

 

She likely has regular clients who keep her good and fed. They pay her to be their fantasy or whatever; seeing her with a boyfriend could make a big chunk of the paycheck disappear. The paycheck is more important than you, and rightfully so especially being so early on.

 

To be with her you must learn to accept that her profession calls for challenging circumstances at times...kind of like dating a celebrity...if you are unable to accept it or trust her, get out asap..chances are you might not be the first guy to dump her for the same reasons.

 

To me it sounds as though she was understanding about your frustration, telling me she's had this happen before. It also tells me that if you are honest and make effort to be understanding in return, she will continue dating you.

 

Look at it this way...you are uneasy because of her job, and likely that makes her uneasy about you as well.

[IronMaiden]

The part of the story that is a red flag for me is that she has two kids, was left high and dry by an ex who was the father, has to strip to make ends meet, but is 'a happy smiley girl all the time'.... That does not ring true to me. I'd be careful. She may be looking for a guy to 'take her away from all that'...

[britintokyo]

Thanks for all the useful comments...

 

I guess I will just have to be aware and see how things go. I'm not naive and I know she may well have issues or she may be doing things at or outside work that are unacceptable for me. Guess I'm trying to be the optimist that what I've seen so far, as in a nice girl, rings true and it's not just a first impression.

 

I've been bled dry before in my marriage and it's not reserved for any profession to do that. Anybody is capable of it I think.

 

I'm trying not to be too critical and keep an open mind. One of my problems is I am far too critical of myself and others and always working things out in my head whether they be relationships or day to day issues.

 

Unfortunately what makes it even more complicated is my ex has mutual friends so I had to tell her today about this new woman before someone else did, now she's a) upset and b) telling me she loves me! That's a whole new problem!

[Popeye_Jones]

To the op, just be cautious. Expect the unexpected with strippers. Not trying to put down your girlfriend or anything, but keep a watchful eye on her. Strippers are a different breed. Remember, no matter how you look at it, her job involves some lying. I don't care what she tells you she does have to lie (at least some times) to make the kind of money she makes. That's, of course in the context of her job, but still. They all do it. There is no such thing as a "good stripper". Now, I will admit, I hate the stripping business. Yes, I am a former strip club patron who has turned against the business. I hate it and by and large I hate strippers. So, some of this is my "rage" at that business. But, that's another story for another time. Anyway, just be careful. She may not be a bad person herself, but I can promise you, she works with some bad apples.

[Popeye_Jones]

The part of the story that is a red flag for me is that she has two kids, was left high and dry by an ex who was the father, has to strip to make ends meet, but is 'a happy smiley girl all the time'.... That does not ring true to me. I'd be careful. She may be looking for a guy to 'take her away from all that'...

 

This story is used by a lot of them. All part of the scam that is stripping.

[stillafool]

Whoooooaaaa.. I haven't read the thread but this is what I think.

 

You only met this girl last weekend and you already think she should quit her well paid job for YOU??????????????

 

You got to be kidding...

 

She might be very much into you.. but trust me.. she's seen all kinds of guys.. so she could be on her guard with you..

 

Be patient, and if there is something there.. and she is sure about it.. she might leave her work..

 

but on the other hand.. you met her while she was doing this..

 

I agree with this. The girl is looking out for her tips, and in this economy who can blame her. She sounds nice and geniune. Maybe later (when she move in with you:D) she will quit that job. Good luck.

[stillafool]

I don't know why people automatically think that a stripper cannot have a personal life outside her work..and that she has self esteem issues...

 

This could be soooo far away from the truth.. she could be a very smart young woman who happens to have the BODY to do this kind of work...

 

It's easy for people who very well know that they don't have what is needed for this line of work to say that she's got problems.. that she can't commit..

 

We don't know this woman..

 

OP.. go with your gut feeling and respect her wishes outside work. or go where no one knows you..

 

 

I agree again. Just because a woman is a stripper does not mean she has low self esteem, it means she has a great body that people are willing to pay to view. I agree that people should get to know a person before they judge them according to their profession.

[hollygolightly]

"I think you're missing the point. I'm not controlling but it disturbed me to be told to turn off any affection at all after several days of both of us being affectionate with each other because she was worried about getting or losing a customer."

 

Please recognize that asking you to cut the PDA for a bit is in no way specific to her being a stripper. If she were a regular 9-5er, it would still be reasonable not to want to make out with her boyfriend in front of her boss, coworkers, clients, etc.

[Popeye_Jones]

I agree again. Just because a woman is a stripper does not mean she has low self esteem, it means she has a great body that people are willing to pay to view. I agree that people should get to know a person before they judge them according to their profession.

 

 

You have a point, but 9 times out of 10 a stripper is usually bad news. Could this girl be the exception rather than the rule? Sure. But, the numbers are certainly against that. Stripping is an ugly game. It wouldn't be so bad if it were more like say customer A comes to club and spends the evening with stripper B. Customer understands that he must pay stripper for her dances/company and they are not dating. Customer understands this and realizes he is basically purchasing her time. But, that's generally not what happens. And I'm not saying that the OP's girl did this. But, usually, strippers play dirty. And of course cry foul when they are caught. They lie to the customer, lead them to believe they are going to get laid, stuff like that. They steal credit cards from customers. They get angry if one customer returns and spends time with another dancer. It's just a bad profession. Hence the reason they get bad raps. But, once again, the OP's girl could be the exception and not the rule. Who really knows.

[britintokyo]

Well looks like you may have been right about strippers...Need some opinions quick!

My ex came over today, she has a bf but we've remained friends and get on really well.

She basically told me that the girl I'm seeing was arrested and spent 10 days in jail for having sex with some guy in a building in town one night. She told me she had been arrested but just for looking around a building with a guy, not having sex with him....

She also told me that when she was in jail, her sister had to come and look after her children and also that before she met me she was regularly out until 6am f&&&king different guys.

I've got no reason to mistrust her and her information is from 3 different people including her sister.

To me though she is appearing so nice, wants to spend everyday with me, no phone calls from other guys, kissing affectionate etc.

She's either trying to turn over a new leaf with me or playing me. I'm not a stupid guy so think it's probably the first but I'm not sure.

Thing is leopards dont change their spots and I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable now even if 50% is true.

If she is trying to change with me then how long before she reverts back.

Also I'm not just interested in sex but why is she f&&king some random customer after work yet with me she behaving all sweetness and light and wants to wait!?!? WTF???

 

Any help please....

[stillafool]

How do these people know all of this? Were they there? Did they see the police reports or visit her in jail? Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.

 

If it is true. She may have had some rough spots and had to pay the rent and feed her kids. If this is true she was obviously using those guys for money. She wants you in a romantic way and is probably dreaming of being married to a guy like you. We all have a past in one way or another and if you like her you should ask her about it or move forward until she treats you badly.

[Popeye_Jones]

All I can say is if it were me, I'd cut and run. But, that's just me. Just keep your guard up for awhile. She may be a good person at heart, but she is caught up in a dirty profession. She needs to at least stop sleeping with her clients if she is going to be romantically involved with you. That is not too much to ask.

Edited May 4, 2010 by Popeye_Jones

[Fouts]

Most strippers have self esteem or substance abuse issues, quite a few more escort on the side. Be wary of how well you know her and what skeletons she has in her closet.

 

At least you found out quickly, Brit.

[britintokyo]

Well I confronted her tonight in a gentle way.

First on the f&&king some guy in a building. She said that the police had accused her of that without any evidence and that they were both standing at the time and walking. She also pointed out to me and apparently the police that if she wanted to do that then why hadn't she chosen to go with the guy to a hotel when he offered earlier in the evening.

So the police here are pretty bad for just accusing people with no evidence and the hotel comment does make sense, so on this one I am inclined to believe her. People are just repeating what the police said.

 

I also asked her about the reputation she seems to have. I was bearing in mind like others have said that strip clubs are a den of vipers basically. I was nice and said that if she had been a bit crazy in the past it was ok, and I think if there was something she would have told me. But she couldn't think of anything.

 

What they are saying is not matching even 1 % to the way she is and I'm saying that with my eyes open.

 

She's pretty shy and she was telling me she needs to have a drink or two to get the courage to ask a guy to do a private dance with her. Nobody is this good an actress and I know most of the strip club tricks. I really can't see this shy girl taking customers out after work at random.

 

But saying that on this one I'm just not sure. She seems to really be into me, she was asking her children if we could date tonight which was sweet. She is giving me 100% attention and not any customers either in person or on the phone and she's slowly opening up to me.

 

We've seen each other 10 times maybe and haven't yet been to bed, she's slowly getting more comfortable and kisses and touches getting more passionate but she definitely is Not the wild girl people are saying. They're just too far apart.

 

So I guess I'm going to try it a bit longer and see what happens. But with eyes wide open. I hear a lot of stripper gossip as I work sometimes for two of the clubs and some gossip you think, yes that girl is capable of that. But this one it seems a mile away from reality. But nothing is impossible.

 

Bit confusing and worrying but why shouldn't she get the benefit of the doubt from me. She's had a lot of bad luck in her love life prior to becomign a stripper so why not give it a shot. But eyes wide open!

[Samari]

Well I confronted her tonight in a gentle way.

First on the f&&king some guy in a building. She said that the police had accused her of that without any evidence and that they were both standing at the time and walking. She also pointed out to me and apparently the police that if she wanted to do that then why hadn't she chosen to go with the guy to a hotel when he offered earlier in the evening.

So the police here are pretty bad for just accusing people with no evidence and the hotel comment does make sense, so on this one I am inclined to believe her. People are just repeating what the police said.

 

I also asked her about the reputation she seems to have. I was bearing in mind like others have said that strip clubs are a den of vipers basically. I was nice and said that if she had been a bit crazy in the past it was ok, and I think if there was something she would have told me. But she couldn't think of anything.

 

What they are saying is not matching even 1 % to the way she is and I'm saying that with my eyes open.

 

She's pretty shy and she was telling me she needs to have a drink or two to get the courage to ask a guy to do a private dance with her. Nobody is this good an actress and I know most of the strip club tricks. I really can't see this shy girl taking customers out after work at random.

 

But saying that on this one I'm just not sure. She seems to really be into me, she was asking her children if we could date tonight which was sweet. She is giving me 100% attention and not any customers either in person or on the phone and she's slowly opening up to me.

 

We've seen each other 10 times maybe and haven't yet been to bed, she's slowly getting more comfortable and kisses and touches getting more passionate but she definitely is Not the wild girl people are saying. They're just too far apart.

 

So I guess I'm going to try it a bit longer and see what happens. But with eyes wide open. I hear a lot of stripper gossip as I work sometimes for two of the clubs and some gossip you think, yes that girl is capable of that. But this one it seems a mile away from reality. But nothing is impossible.

 

Bit confusing and worrying but why shouldn't she get the benefit of the doubt from me. She's had a lot of bad luck in her love life prior to becomign a stripper so why not give it a shot. But eyes wide open!

Hope everything works out.

[Popeye_Jones]

It is starting to sound like she is one of the more decent people who work in that business. But, still, just to be on the safe side, keep your guard up. She is probably a good person at heart, but she still has to slowly earn your trust.

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree again. Just because a woman is a stripper does not mean she has low self esteem, it means she has a great body that people are willing to pay to view. I agree that people should get to know a person before they judge them according to their profession.

Lots of women have great bodies that people would pay to view, but they don't become strippers. The difference is that, in general, strippers have the entitlement attitude: I look good, therefore men should give me their money, and I shouldn't have to do anything but wave my T&A around. And a stripper who is successful at her job learns very fast how to lie and manipulate to get what she wants: money and gifts.

[od3tt3]

I have to say, as a stripper myself, I'm pleased with the general consensus of the people who have replied in this thread!

 

She does sound like one of the "better girls" in the industry, and if she were trying to manipulate you or get money out of you, she would've done one of 2 things:

Either she never would have allowed your relationship to extend outside of the club in order to keep you as a customer, OR she would probably have slept with you already.

 

I followed a similar pattern with the man I am dating now -- We met in the club, spent many nights in the club talking (not dancing, no monetary exchange--finances were rough for me then because I spent all of my work hours with him!), and then went on a few dates before ever sleeping with each other. I did this because I was genuinely developing feelings for him, and wanted to show that I was spending that time with him because I was serious about a potential future with him. I couldn't have been in it for his money because, well, he doesn't make a whole lot of it...So, that concern I can't empathize with.

 

We have our problems, like all couples, though they are mostly on my end... As you might be able to tell if you read my recent post in this forum :\

 

I won't get into that because it's irrelevant -- my point is, she probably wouldn't have done the things she has thus far if she weren't interested in pursuing something with you. My boyfriend and I have experienced more than one situation where we've run into a customer of mine -- Even more awkward was the fact that one of them remembered him from the club. You have to be understanding of the fact that this is her source of income, and a man who gives her "a few hundred dollars" whenever he goes into the club is a man she wants to keep around! Regulars become "regular" for a reason

 

Most strippers have at least ONE issue or another... But most WOMEN have one issue or another! People are fundamentally flawed, the key is finding flaws you can accept. If you can't accept her job, ultimately it will lead to the decimation of your relationship with her, so you should decide now whether or not you can cope.

[Feelin Frisky]

OK, so I'm, 35 and haven't dated for a while but last weekend I was out with some friends and met a girl in a bar. Instant chemistry, like eyes burning into each other all night, talked all night dropped her off at home and met up again for a first date last Monday.

It was great and we got on well, no silences, the chemistry was still there and I went for the first kiss and got it, then it got better and better with a club afterwards and a lot more kissing.

So we've been out together pretty much all week, food, drinks, with friends and she's been really affectionate, but shy sometimes, but lots of full on snogging and very affectionate cuddling everywhere.

 

The problem is that I'm having difficult separating the working girl from the girl I see. To me she's quite shy, but seemingly into me when I see her. But last night we were out and she told me we needed to tone it down in this bar we went to as some of her customers were there. It's a small area.

 

So at first I was reasonably ok with that, but when we got outside and she was still in work mode, I picked her up on it in a reasonable way and said basically why's she wasting her time trying to impress one customer when she's potentially got a great guy to be with her in the future. She was a little shocked but was then all over me, kissing, hugging and she said sorry. It's almost like she liked being challenged.

 

So I really like her, and she's great with me, but I guess I'm just wary of being played. I don't think I am because it's pretty difficult to fake hours of full on kissing and real tight close hugs and her body language is spot on as well but I'm just nervous about it with all the guys around her as well.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Steer clear of professional kock teasers. They tend to devlop or have personality schisms that can have you feeling betrayed. This is not true across the board, just my experience. I thought I was in love with one and she did artwork on the side. For my birthday she painted a beautiful piece of her favorite media for me, went out of her way to find the obscure bit. Sent it to me with her lip stick kisses all over it. She sent me a message about a guy who was touring that we both know that he'd be staying at her place for a couple of days and she didn't want me to be jealous. Then the very same day she goes on a forum an announces she's in love--not with this guy or me but some other kunt. She uploaded photo after photo of her and him which almost looked professionally posed. My thought was never ever get serious about another professional kock teaser (pole dancer). They do what makes it hard for them to know the one true person they are. Sorry if that offends and strippers on this forum.

Edited May 7, 2010 by Feelin Frisky

[britintokyo]

Thanks for the replies again and especially from od3...

I've been around clubs long enough to know how the girls work when they are only interested in money.

We've had a rough couple of days thanks to a lot of malicious gossip concerning my ex which has her freaked out.

She's pretty scared about dating in general and someone calling her anonynously at work last night to say my ex was still my lover didn't help.

The girls at work have a huge amount of jealousy over me because for 2.5 years I have been around but never done a private dance of VIP. Now all of a sudden I am interested in this girl and they knew how well I treated my ex who also worked there.

So the bitchiness has gone into overdrive!

I thought we were finished last night and who knows we may still be, but I know 100% she genuinely likes me, I am sure of that. She's not playing a game

I was in the club tonight, wanted to talk some more and clear the air at the beginning then she worked while I talked with some friends. Not once did she demand a drink, tip, private dance or VIP, though of course I did buy her a drink and gave her a tip on stage for nothing more than a kiss on the cheek.

So I think this boils down to a regular woman being scared of how she feels about me.

The club and customers I can handle as long as she is honest. Time will tell on that one.

Hopefully she can just see past this really nasty malicious gossip and see how right for each other we are.

Sometimes you meet someone and you know you will be together for a long time. I knew that when I saw her, hopefully we will get that chance!

[stillafool]

Lots of women have great bodies that people would pay to view, but they don't become strippers. The difference is that, in general, strippers have the entitlement attitude: I look good, therefore men should give me their money, and I shouldn't have to do anything but wave my T&A around. And a stripper who is successful at her job learns very fast how to lie and manipulate to get what she wants: money and gifts.

 

 

Really? I only know of one dancer and she seems to be a pretty nice person so I wouldn't say that all dancers have an entitlement attitude. I don't know much about the profession but I didn't realize they had to lie and manipulate the men to get the money. I thought that is why men went to these clubs so they could pay to watch a goodlooking girl take her clothes off for them.

 

Attorneys twist the truth and manipulate to win a case, politicans lie and manipulate to get money to run for office, Real Estate agents, business men; my goodness the list goes on and on so to me a dancer's profession doesn't seem much different.

[threebyfate]

Too much drama, not enough time. Both girls have issues. I've yet to see someone in the skin industry who doesn't have emotional stability issues or drug addictions, which amounts to self-medication of other problems. As well, the ex is a cheater, if I read correctly.

 

How about you look for an emotionally stable woman? It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.