britintokyo Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 OK, so I'm, 35 and haven't dated for a while but last weekend I was out with some friends and met a girl in a bar. Instant chemistry, like eyes burning into each other all night, talked all night dropped her off at home and met up again for a first date last Monday. It was great and we got on well, no silences, the chemistry was still there and I went for the first kiss and got it, then it got better and better with a club afterwards and a lot more kissing. So we've been out together pretty much all week, food, drinks, with friends and she's been really affectionate, but shy sometimes, but lots of full on snogging and very affectionate cuddling everywhere. The problem is that I'm having difficult separating the working girl from the girl I see. To me she's quite shy, but seemingly into me when I see her. But last night we were out and she told me we needed to tone it down in this bar we went to as some of her customers were there. It's a small area. So at first I was reasonably ok with that, but when we got outside and she was still in work mode, I picked her up on it in a reasonable way and said basically why's she wasting her time trying to impress one customer when she's potentially got a great guy to be with her in the future. She was a little shocked but was then all over me, kissing, hugging and she said sorry. It's almost like she liked being challenged. So I really like her, and she's great with me, but I guess I'm just wary of being played. I don't think I am because it's pretty difficult to fake hours of full on kissing and real tight close hugs and her body language is spot on as well but I'm just nervous about it with all the guys around her as well. What do you guys think?
Fouts Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Most strippers have self esteem or substance abuse issues, quite a few more escort on the side. Be wary of how well you know her and what skeletons she has in her closet. She may be a diamond in the rough, but that would be a rare find. If you're not that lucky, her issues will come out, so be prepared. In that industry, most people, even good ones, become a product of their environment.
norajane Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I'm just nervous about it with all the guys around her as well. As long as she remains a stripper, she's going to be looking out for where her money comes from. That means she will always have guys around her. Either you can live with that or you can't. There are no guarantees, no matter who you date - they certainly don't have to be strippers to dump you for another guy or to cheat on you. But, at the same time, strippers are there to be ogled and turn men on, so you have to decide whether you can deal with that or not.
Pink Cupcakes Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 You sound like a possessive and controlling type dude from your behavior. All she was saying was you didn't need to be loving up on her in the restaurant/club or whatever. Are you the type of guy who needs to show she's "your woman" by a gross amount of PDA? I think you are the anal guy with the problem who doesn't respect her very simple, unoffensive request (to not love up on her right there at the table in public). I mean, how old are you, 16, where you have to make out everywhere you go?
sally4sara Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Women get ogled and turn men on whether they are getting money out of it or not. The OP obviously ogled her and was turned on by what he saw. Do you molest her in public because you think that because she is a stripper - that is what she is for? Do you publicly molest every girl you date? If they ask you to tone it down, is it okay for them to request this only because they are not strippers?
Author britintokyo Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 You sound like a possessive and controlling type dude from your behavior. All she was saying was you didn't need to be loving up on her in the restaurant/club or whatever. Are you the type of guy who needs to show she's "your woman" by a gross amount of PDA? I think you are the anal guy with the problem who doesn't respect her very simple, unoffensive request (to not love up on her right there at the table in public). I mean, how old are you, 16, where you have to make out everywhere you go? I think you're missing the point. I'm not controlling but it disturbed me to be told to turn off any affection at all after several days of both of us being affectionate with each other because she was worried about getting or losing a customer. Yeah it's early days and I wasn't going to rock the boat, but work is work and outside with friends is different surely? It's not a control issue, it's to do with her respect for me that who is coming first in her head, a customer who she may get a couple of hundred dollars from or me who she seems to feel something for? That's what bugged me, of course I'm not going to be posessive and loved up at a table. it's more the feeling that I couldn't if I wanted to give her a kiss on the cheek etc. because at that moment, this unknown guy was more important than me. Make sense?
Author britintokyo Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 Oh and also I don't know where you are getting this "molesting or ogling" idea from. Just because I said she was a stripper? She is the one who has been heavily affectionate with me in public. It's been very sweet and not raunchy. She's a shy nice girl and I feel like she is cautious but likes me.... The issue as I mentioned above is that she felt the need to specially tell me NOT to show any affection. There was NOTHING untoward before. It's that I was relegated below a potential customer.
i'mfaraway Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I'm not judging but I think you've answered your own question. There might be other occasions when she runs into other customers and may not want to kiss you in public. Do you think you can deal with that?
Author britintokyo Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 Maybe I came over wrong, I don't ogle or maul her I seriously like her and treat her 99% as I would any other woman with a lot of respect. I was merely trying to emphasise that she is being very tactile, her not me, so the switch off took me by surprise And although I was good about it, I jokingly asked her when we left the bar after some 2-3 hours of acting like aquaintances if she was still working! When she said yes, I just pointed out the silliness of chasing after some young guy who may pay her say a couple of hundred dollars for a dance when she was blanking me who was so much more into her. Hope that clarifies it.... To answer the LP you may be right. What someone said above about always keeping an eye on where the money comes from is right as well. I guess I can't see why none of the girls can't be professional and work in the club and have lives outside. But maybe thats naive of me to think they can be easily separated when they are selling a fantasy of a single available sexy girl in the club. Guess I will just have to find out the hard way whether I'm 1 in 1 or 1 in 10!
Pink Cupcakes Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I don't see the problem with her request. Excuse me, but that is how she earns her living and she was simply asking you to help her to not lose her money and livlihood. If I was out in public loving it up with some guy in public, it might negatively hurt my profession, also. I am a teacher and in my contract states that off-work you still have to demonstrate morality. So...I would not be loving it up in public with some dude as a parent from the school might see and it gets reported. Sounds like you don't give two shakes about her livlihood and her paying rent/mortgage/living, it's only about your ego. She'll soon see through the fact that you're a selfish idiot, though, if you don't back off soon and respect her simple request so she can make a living.
Lizzie60 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Whoooooaaaa.. I haven't read the thread but this is what I think. You only met this girl last weekend and you already think she should quit her well paid job for YOU?????????????? You got to be kidding... She might be very much into you.. but trust me.. she's seen all kinds of guys.. so she could be on her guard with you.. Be patient, and if there is something there.. and she is sure about it.. she might leave her work.. but on the other hand.. you met her while she was doing this..
Fouts Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Guess I will just have to find out the hard way whether I'm 1 in 1 or 1 in 10! Lots of white knights cruising around those clubs with good intentions and hurt feelings. You already can't be yourself around her, how great do you think it can be?
Author britintokyo Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 I don't see the problem with her request. Excuse me, but that is how she earns her living and she was simply asking you to help her to not lose her money and livlihood. If I was out in public loving it up with some guy in public, it might negatively hurt my profession, also. I am a teacher and in my contract states that off-work you still have to demonstrate morality. So...I would not be loving it up in public with some dude as a parent from the school might see and it gets reported. Sounds like you don't give two shakes about her livlihood and her paying rent/mortgage/living, it's only about your ego. She'll soon see through the fact that you're a selfish idiot, though, if you don't back off soon and respect her simple request so she can make a living. Ok thanks for your candid opinion. I'm not a "selfish Idiot" as you so nicely put it, it's something that bugged me with a girl that I am into. But I take your point that it's her livelihood, and if I like her I need to deal with it. I had to stop by the club to deliver some promotional material tonight and I just said hello, kiss on the cheek then left her to it. So I'm not brainless, it's just the mixture of work and personal when we're out on a Saturday night that bugged me.
Author britintokyo Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 Whoooooaaaa.. I haven't read the thread but this is what I think. You only met this girl last weekend and you already think she should quit her well paid job for YOU?????????????? You got to be kidding... She might be very much into you.. but trust me.. she's seen all kinds of guys.. so she could be on her guard with you.. Be patient, and if there is something there.. and she is sure about it.. she might leave her work.. but on the other hand.. you met her while she was doing this.. Lizzie Please read this wasn't the point, no way do I expect her to change her job, it was about how to act OUTSIDE of work in leisure time
norajane Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I just pointed out the silliness of chasing after some young guy who may pay her say a couple of hundred dollars for a dance when she was blanking me who was so much more into her. Hope that clarifies it.... To answer the LP you may be right. What someone said above about always keeping an eye on where the money comes from is right as well. I guess I can't see why none of the girls can't be professional and work in the club and have lives outside. But maybe thats naive of me to think they can be easily separated when they are selling a fantasy of a single available sexy girl in the club. As a stripper, she sells fantasy...the fantasy that she's really into the guys she strips for. Being seen by her clients with another guy, messes up their fantasy that she's into them. A couple hundred bucks is a lot of money, and presumably, that's why she's a stripper...for the money...so why wouldn't she take care to protect her income? Consider if your boss saw you falling down drunk at a bar. Yes, it's your right to get as drunk as you want outside of work, but at the same time, it may certainly impact his opinion of you.
Author britintokyo Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 As a stripper, she sells fantasy...the fantasy that she's really into the guys she strips for. Being seen by her clients with another guy, messes up their fantasy that she's into them. A couple hundred bucks is a lot of money, and presumably, that's why she's a stripper...for the money...so why wouldn't she take care to protect her income? Consider if your boss saw you falling down drunk at a bar. Yes, it's your right to get as drunk as you want outside of work, but at the same time, it may certainly impact his opinion of you. Ok You're all right I'm wrong on this one, big enough to admit it. It just came as a surprise after a nice week to be in that situation. But you're right, it's her job and that's all there is to it. I'll apologise to her next time I see her, which I hope i do.
Lizzie60 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I don't know why people automatically think that a stripper cannot have a personal life outside her work..and that she has self esteem issues... This could be soooo far away from the truth.. she could be a very smart young woman who happens to have the BODY to do this kind of work... It's easy for people who very well know that they don't have what is needed for this line of work to say that she's got problems.. that she can't commit.. We don't know this woman.. OP.. go with your gut feeling and respect her wishes outside work. or go where no one knows you..
Author britintokyo Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 I don't know why people automatically think that a stripper cannot have a personal life outside her work..and that she has self esteem issues... This could be soooo far away from the truth.. she could be a very smart young woman who happens to have the BODY to do this kind of work... It's easy for people who very well know that they don't have what is needed for this line of work to say that she's got problems.. that she can't commit.. We don't know this woman.. OP.. go with your gut feeling and respect her wishes outside work. or go where no one knows you.. Thanks Lizzie... She seems like a really grounded, intelligent woman. So far I haven't noticed any issues, very happy smiley girl all the time. Shes working to support 2 young children after her partner left her while pregnant with the second, and working in a factory wasn't cutting it money-wise. Good suggestion on going somewhere else where no-one knows her. If we are in a known place once a week then I can certainly respect her. I guess I had this idealist idea that the job should be kept within the club but that's impossible I can see that now as everyone is defined all the time by their work both in and outside. Bearing in mind she seemed actually a little excited I had stood up to her and not at all angry, do you think I should just forget about it or should I apologise and tell her I was wrong. She seemed really good when I mentioned it, what do you think>
Samari Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 britintokyo, I have to commend you for putting up with some of these douchebag posters. In any case, I don't think you have much to worry about. Perhaps you guys should go elsewhere at times (a place where you won't be noticed) if you guys want to be more intimate without worrying about being interrupted. You can tell her you were wrong about what you thought about her and her work lifestyle. She'd probably appreciate that. But I don't think it's absolutely necessary if you guys are currently on happy terms. If anything, she'll probably be more happy I'm guessing. Who doesn't like being apologized to? It's a nice gesture.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I think you'd do well to lighten up and not take this too seriously. It is her job to sexually titillate men for money, and that's not going to change. I have been acquainted with a few strippers, and almost without fail, and no surprise, they are the biggest gold-diggers of all. Most of them will not give up the job unless their guys can replace that income by supporting them. To a stripper, getting money from a man = success.
Lizzie60 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I haven't read teh whole thread so I'm not sure why you'd have to apologize to her.. Be cool with her job.. respect her choices.. don't make her think that you are 'clingy and insecure' about her job.. she will be intrigate even more.. be independant.. protect your heart... just in case she,s not as serious as she might look.. Methink, also, that if the stip club is in a small town.. she already knows pretty much all the men there is to know.. and she never found one that she liked.. except you.. who knows where that can go..
tami-chan Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Oh and also I don't know where you are getting this "molesting or ogling" idea from. Just because I said she was a stripper? She is the one who has been heavily affectionate with me in public. It's been very sweet and not raunchy. She's a shy nice girl and I feel like she is cautious but likes me.... The issue as I mentioned above is that she felt the need to specially tell me NOT to show any affection. There was NOTHING untoward before. It's that I was relegated below a potential customer. LOL.."molesting and ogling"...it is a deliberate choice of words to vilify you. Anyway, I understand why you are disturb by it. There is not a lot of men who would feel "comfortable" that his GF 's job is to basically sell her body for the pleasure of other men. I mean, you have to be ultra liberal and progressive to be ok with that. And for those who are ok with that, well, more power to them! So either you accept her for who she is right now, or you don't. It is not like she lied to you about it and you just found out. You knew that is her job. Besides, don't you patronized these places? Somehow, the rules changed when it becomes personal, huh?
Ruby Slippers Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Somehow, the rules changed when it becomes personal, huh? Yes, isn't that funny? Most strippers are very upset by their men going to strip clubs, too. They know what really goes on there.
Author britintokyo Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 britintokyo, I have to commend you for putting up with some of these douchebag posters. In any case, I don't think you have much to worry about. Perhaps you guys should go elsewhere at times (a place where you won't be noticed) if you guys want to be more intimate without worrying about being interrupted. You can tell her you were wrong about what you thought about her and her work lifestyle. She'd probably appreciate that. But I don't think it's absolutely necessary if you guys are currently on happy terms. If anything, she'll probably be more happy I'm guessing. Who doesn't like being apologized to? It's a nice gesture. Well Samari you were bang on the money. Saw her tonight and as I thought and you just said she was actually quite pleased I had stood up to her in a nice way and wanted her to pay attention to me. She actually told me she felt a little uncomfortable herself being unable to be affectionate with me, it felt weird not being able to kiss or hold me when she wanted to. This was after I casually mentioned to her that I was sorry if I disturbed her work.... So to the genuine posters thanks...To the ones who for some reason interpreted my post as me being what was it, ogling, mauling, stupid idiot etc. shows how much you actually know about what women think.... The Politically correct answer is that I should respect her job. The truth and the real answer was that she was excited I had stood up to her... So I'm not going to sink to the level of some posters but you do the math...
melodymatters Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 IMO this was a reasonable question to post, and it was understandable that you found the situation confusing at first. If a woman were dating the lead singer in a band and for PR reasons, he couldn't show public affection, the answers might well have been reversed. I'm glad you got your head around it, and aren't judging her for her " right now" profession. Does she have any long term plans in place as no one can strip forever ?
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