sveltskye Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I had three dates with a guy, everything seemed to be going well, actually really well. We had great conversations, he paid for me, told me I was pretty and smart (on two different conversations, in context), and on the last date he kissed me and we had plans for the next day. Then he texts me out of the blue and says we shouldn't go out anymore, cause he "wants to meet other people and if we see eachother more things will get serious and I'm not ready for something serious." He also said that he didn't want to lead me on and that he mostly made the decision thinking about the future. I replied that it was fine and I wouldn't bother him to which he responded that he thought I was cool and it wouldn't be bothering him. Serious after three dates? This makes no sense. Why couldn't he just be honest and say he wasn't that into it instead of giving me some bull**** line?
xpressyaself22 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 It sounds like he could have possibly been dating other girls, and found one he liked better, or he used the "not ready for something serious" excuse to let you down easy, and not hurt your feelings. That one seems to be a popular one. I would just be careful as far as communicating with him. I can't see why he would tell you that he wanted to meet other people, but that he wouldn't be bothered if you contacted him. It seems to me like he wants to keep you on the back burner, so he can go back to you if he doesn't find anyone new. I say forget him for not only that reason, but also for ending things by text. After three dates that went really well, at the very least he could have called and told you instead of taking the easy way out and being a coward.
TaraMaiden Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 The opposite is equally true. It could be that he could feel himself capable of falling for you in a big way, but is a great big huge Mr Commitmentphobe, and the thought of a relationship with someone witty, attractive, desirable and hugely ideal scares him 5h1tless. in which case - I still wouldn't touch him with a bargepole.
tigressA Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Either one of the above scenarios could be true, and in both cases you'd do well to just forget about it and him. People are strange.
karma84 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 sounds like a typical guy.... and actually me for that matter - or how i used to be (even though i'm female). a lot of people have been burned in the past, and so, are scared of commitment in general. they're all for good times and casual dates, but as soon as things start looking "serious," ie date 4.... they run.
Author sveltskye Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 (edited) Both of those scenarios seem reasonable. I actually got vibes that he did like me a lot during the dates but I have no idea really. He said he hadn't had a girlfriend in four years, which makes me lean toward Tara's theory. But I met him online, he contacted me through pof.com, so maybe he was already dating others or just started on the site and wanted more dates. Or got sick of paying for me, lol. But if he just didn't like me that much I wish he'd just said so, nicely, instead of confusing me with nonsense. I haven't decided exactly if I'm never ever going to talk to him again. I saw a lot of potential in him at first but its not worth it if its gonna bother me at all. I might after a big break and I'm over it but I'm not worrying about it now. I told him that I might be ok with contact, that we'd play it by ear but I was worried that I'd be on his string and that I wasn't going to watch him date any girls in front of me. Most likely we'll just stay fb friends and I'll find someone who can step up to the plate. The texting was kind of lame. I was actually surprised a lot by this move, like I said he was the one that contacted me, seemed to like me by all appearences and was being the perfect gentleman and wasn't playing games or anything then he had to go and ruin it with this stupidity. I just don't get why you would approach people with the intent of dating but not getting serious with them if you like them. Unless he just didn't as much as it seemed he did, which is also entirely possible. Either way he's a dork. Edited May 2, 2010 by sveltskye
BobSacamento Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 To me it sounds like he set this up now just to feed his ego. If he goes and dates other women and they reject him, it'll be nice for him to receive a little text from you or what have you from time to time. You are like a safety net for him.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I had three dates with a guy, everything seemed to be going well, actually really well. We had great conversations, he paid for me, told me I was pretty and smart (on two different conversations, in context), and on the last date he kissed me and we had plans for the next day. Then he texts me out of the blue and says we shouldn't go out anymore, cause he "wants to meet other people and if we see eachother more things will get serious and I'm not ready for something serious." He also said that he didn't want to lead me on and that he mostly made the decision thinking about the future. I replied that it was fine and I wouldn't bother him to which he responded that he thought I was cool and it wouldn't be bothering him. Serious after three dates? This makes no sense. Why couldn't he just be honest and say he wasn't that into it instead of giving me some bull**** line? At least he said something. A lot of people would have simply broken off all communication without explanation. However, it is odd that he made plans with you after your last date and then abruptly canceled them.
dazzle22 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 For good looking guys with anything going for them, online dating is like being a kid in a candy store. They are ALL stringing along more than one woman at a time. It really is 'buyer beware' for women. Just my opinion, but I think you played it wrong with your text back to him, saying you are worried that you would be waiting in line. I would have turned it on him and said, 'we only went on three dates! I don't even know you yet. You're moving too fast in your mind and are obviously way overthinking and became emotionally caught up in this situation too soon.' Haha Change your perspective from 'I hope he likes what he sees in me', to 'we'll just have to see if you are good enough for me.'
D-Lish Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I haven't decided exactly if I'm never ever going to talk to him again. I saw a lot of potential in him at first but its not worth it if its gonna bother me at all. I might after a big break and I'm over it but I'm not worrying about it now. There is no reason to keep in contact with him if he has this attitude, none whatsoever. I'd delete his # and put him on ignore. He's not going to change his mind and you deserve much better.
Peter Attis Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Honey, you need to dump that zero and get you a hero!
Fouts Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I'd tend to agree with dazzle. If he's got anything going on, he probably has a full plate from that dating site. I'd say he probably liked you at the time, but someone more interesting (for him) came along. Try not to worry that much about it.
ADF Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 It sounds to me like this goof was seeking FWB, not a GF. Maybe he sensed you wanted a real relationship and bailed. I don't know. But he sounds like a charming jerk. I think you dodged a bullet.
Author sveltskye Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 (edited) I dunno. I didn't sense that he was playing me on our dates at all, in fact I sensed a lot of potential and suspect that he did too. Not saying that he wasn't, just that my instincts told me otherwise. However, I am *definately* going to live my life, date someone else if someone good comes along and not stress over him. If he realises that he's missing something, he'll prove it. I know what I'm worth. I'm just saying that I don't find it necessary to write him off as a jerk and player. If anything, he's just another experience at this point. Thanks for the comments. "Honey, you need to dump that zero and get you a hero!" LOL! Edited May 3, 2010 by sveltskye
lookin2wardthefuture Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I just deleted my profile on OK Cupid for these very same reasons. It got annoying and frustrating, and I just don't need to go out for Italian food AGAIN (since this seems to be the fav choice). There are plenty of fish in the sea, and mine swims close enough by I'll catch him.
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