ppge4 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Has anyone ever felt like this? I guess you could say I'm at a "transitional" point in my life right now. A long sob story short: after graduating from college I moved away from all my friends and now work at a job that isn't great. Now I feel like that unhappiness has crept into my love life. In the past couple of years I've noticed a trend that I'm more attracted to guys that aren't as emotionally available. I'm starting to think - on a subconscious level- that's mainly why I'm so attracted to them. Maybe I'm not emotionally ready for a real relationship therefore I cling on to ones that I know will never be? I don't know...I use to be really upbeat and confident, but this is starting to get me down If anyone has experience feeling like this, some perspective or advice would be much appreciated!!
You'reasian Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 In the past couple of years I've noticed a trend that I'm more attracted to guys that aren't as emotionally available. I'm starting to think - on a subconscious level- that's mainly why I'm so attracted to them. Maybe I'm not emotionally ready for a real relationship therefore I cling on to ones that I know will never be? I don't know...I use to be really upbeat and confident, but this is starting to get me down If anyone has experience feeling like this, some perspective or advice would be much appreciated!! What kind of men were you attracted to before? The trend may reveal something. Were you previously married? Divorce affects people's decisions to enter relationships later on... You could be emotionally ready for a committed relationship but its your choice to decide if that's what you really want. Many young, professional ladies like yourself haven't figured that out and go until their late 20's to early 30's until they know. What would it take for you to enter into a committed relationship with a man?
Author ppge4 Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 Never married, but I did go through a break up that was very difficult on the ego, so perhaps the similar effect? I'm only 25 and I already feel so jaded. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to through a divorce. People who do that are champs in my book!
Author ppge4 Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 What kind of men were you attracted to before? The trend may reveal something. Were you previously married? Divorce affects people's decisions to enter relationships later on... I've ALWAYS found confidence very attractive. I don't care if he's short or tall, geeky or a surfer dude. ..same reason my mom fell for my dad, actually.
You'reasian Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I've ALWAYS found confidence very attractive. I don't care if he's short or tall, geeky or a surfer dude. ..same reason my mom fell for my dad, actually. What else do you find attractive?
Author ppge4 Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 What else do you find attractive? Witty, intelligent, charming, has emotional depth, dependable, good smile... I could go on!
alphamale Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Witty, intelligent, charming, has emotional depth, dependable, good smile... I could go on! don't give me that baloney. state the real things you find attractive
Author ppge4 Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 don't give me that baloney. state the real things you find attractive Hey, I'm trying here. It's hard to be specific when you are talking about a theoretical person. Give me an example of "real things" - what are you attracted to in a girl?
ShadowBlue Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 (edited) ppge4, I think what alphamale is getting at are the following things women find attractive and treat the men that don't have them like crap: 1. They're mean 2. They have millions in the bank 3. They have six packs showing 4. They don't wear glasses 5. They drive the latest 2010/2011 car that costs in the upper six figure range. 6. They own their own house. 7. There is no emotion when it comes to these guys. Am I missing anything alphamale? I should mention though that I exemplify the qualities formerly stated (nice smile, witty, intelligent, charming, dependable) so I don't need all the above to kick ass. :p Edited May 1, 2010 by ShadowBlue
alphamale Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Am I missing anything alphamale? yes. you forgot good looking
ShadowBlue Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 yes. you forgot good looking No I didn't, I said so in #3, 3. They have six packs showing. (six packs are naturally equated with good looks and, while there are exceptions to the rule, I'm not including exceptions in #3). Besides, if a guy has millions in the bank he doesn't have to be good looking.
TouchedByViolet Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Has anyone ever felt like this? I guess you could say I'm at a "transitional" point in my life right now. A long sob story short: after graduating from college I moved away from all my friends and now work at a job that isn't great. Now I feel like that unhappiness has crept into my love life. In the past couple of years I've noticed a trend that I'm more attracted to guys that aren't as emotionally available. I'm starting to think - on a subconscious level- that's mainly why I'm so attracted to them. Maybe I'm not emotionally ready for a real relationship therefore I cling on to ones that I know will never be? I don't know...I use to be really upbeat and confident, but this is starting to get me down If anyone has experience feeling like this, some perspective or advice would be much appreciated!! Well on the positive side you have noticed your change in behavior. The attraction you have to these unavailable men is intentional. Ask yourself whats benefits of the unavailable guy attract you to him.
Author ppge4 Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 Wow. There seems to be a few people on here who certainly like to generalize us gals. I guess I should just assume that all men love bitches and big breasts.
ShadowBlue Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 ppge4 - I'm amazed at this too. I think it stems from a general negative attitude about dating, and other things in general. I tend to like keeping an open mind. Never know what's gonna happen in these areas of life if you don't at least try. Me, I don't appreciate negative attitudes and bitchiness. Big breasts? Naaahh. Proportionate to the figure? Absolutely.
Author ppge4 Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 Well on the positive side you have noticed your change in behavior. The attraction you have to these unavailable men is intentional. Ask yourself whats benefits of the unavailable guy attract you to him. Thanks. I think it's a step in the right direction too. If you asked me that a year ago I would've never admitted it. I assumed that my "growing up" was something I finished in high school - HA. I think the unavailability factor could be related to the challenge. And by challenge I don't mean a game. I like when a guy can challenge me to be a better person, I do NOT enjoy a challenging relationship! I suppose it's a matter of identifying the right kind of challenge...
Author ppge4 Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 Then stay single and enjoy it. You are not ready yet. Maybe you're right, but... "If not now, then when?"
ShadowBlue Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 ppge4 wrote: Maybe you're right, but... "If not now, then when? I agree with what Woggle said. There's no telling what will happen within the next six months to a year. I'd recommend taking that time and enjoy being single. It's usually while you're happy being single that you realize you're ready to be happy in a relationship.
Woggle Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Maybe you're right, but... "If not now, then when?" Who knows? That is for you to decide.
D-Lish Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I have felt the same way you do, and I still do. WHen I don't feel great about myself or know where I am at, I gravitate towards men that support that feeling- and when I feel good about myself, I am much more attracted to confident, trustworthy men. I think we all do that to some extent.
JamesDean5398 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 this is a good discussion thread it gets me thinking. right now i am not in a relationship, but i seem to like certain women who are not emotionally available. (and i have been acknowledging this.) maybe it is something how they love and lost, and makes me sort of understand them, and i know that if that person and me were to be in a relationship the person knows how to love. But, usually, the ones who are hurt from relationships doesn't want to be in one, and i have been slowly changing my criteria on who i like to be in a relationship.
spookie Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Maybe you're right, but... "If not now, then when?" When you look around and see that you have friends around you. When you have a job that you like. When you're happy because you're living the life that you wanted. I am of the opinion that it's impossible to have a healthy relationship when you're not happy with yourself. I think you should focus on the other aspects of your life before analyzing why you're drawn to the men that you're drawn to.
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