waterlake Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. We met at school and after him chasing me for 4 years I finally gave in and ending up falling head over heels for him. We completed our last year in school as a couple. I then took a gap year and he went straight to university. I then went to the same university and am two years into my 4 year course and he will be graduating in a few weeks. Ever since I have been at university our relationship has blossomed and we have grown incredibly as a couple.... more than I ever thought we could. We have talked about a future together but know the fact we are only 21 and we wouldn't want to settle too early is a big factor.... but still enjoy talking about children and houses etc. Me being 150 miles from him whilst on my gap year was really tough and we had a lot of arguments as he really couldn't handle his drink as a just turned 18 year old as a fresher in a new city. ... some how we made it through though. I have always had an issue with the amount he drinks and am not a naturally trusting person so the combination of the two has caused arguments when he goes out. Then 3 and a half weeks ago I pressured him and pressured him asking whether there had been any one else..... and he cracked and told me that he had slept with someone else in November of 2007, 6 weeks after starting uni. I am devastated by this and disgusted with him. I know who it was and we have met before a few times... in fact I have even asked him whether he had ever been with her last year as I felt uneasy whilst in a room with them and some other friends and just had an instinct that something was wrong. He denied it completely. He decided to tell me because he couldn't hack the guilt and explained he didn't want to tell me at the time as he knew he would have lost me... which he would have as we were not the couple we are today. I know every one takes it in different ways and I needed to know EVERYTHING... all the awful details he could remember ... EVERYTHING even though it hurt more than anything. I even contacted the girl in a civilised manner to justify his story. He cant give me a date but knows it was in November.... he was extremely drunk.... kissed her in the club then the group of people he was out with all went back to halls and continued drinking.... His best mate lived with her so they all went back to his flat..... he says in the club it was muteral but he doesn't know how he ended up in her room. It lasted 10 minutes and he stopped because he knew it was wrong and couldn't do it to me... she confirmed he left and felt awful the next day. We spent a week after he told me talking occasionally. I didn't eat or sleep. We then met a week after and talked things through.... I had so many questions and still do now. We have decided to try and make it work and only have a few weeks left at uni. I am not sure if I have made the right decision. I would be very very surprised if he ever did it again as he has seen what it has caused and he is exceptionally un-happy. The other part of the story is that he now plans to go travelling for 5/6 months in January as he need to grow up and become more independent. I do and I don't want him to go.... even if I could forgive the past , the travelling is in the future and is a massive thing..... he may not even go for that long.... every one always thinks its a great idea but he whether it will happen is another thing. I have told him he needs to change or he will loose me. He is not drinking any where near as much now and i hope he has learnt form this experience. Any thought, ideas, words of wisdom would be much appreciated..... I don't know anyone who has been in a similar situation so as much as my friends have been amazing.... no one can actually relate to what i'm going through! Thanks XxX
Green Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I would still love my gf if I found out she cheated on me, not like it instantly turns the person into a monster, but I think I would probably lose all trust and just want to break up. Start new with some one who won't betray your trust I mean it really is the most important thing. If he wanted to keep you he really should have just never admitted to it. It was his guilt that he relieved himself of now he put all the worry one you, has nothing to do with honesty.
aerogurl87 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Honesty would've been him telling you what happened right after it happened. When I cheated on my ex I told him the very next day after it happened and he left me. Granted we got back together about 3 days later but it wasn't the same. All trust was gone, he wouldn't let me out of his sight, and every time we argued he'd bring it up. Basically he couldn't get over what I had done to him, and we ended up going our separate ways. Cheating is a hard pill to swallow for a relationship, and if you stay the battle to keep things together will be hard. From what my ex told me, there were some days where he was completely fine and what I did didn't even cross his mind. Then there were days where he'd think of it and just go completely cold on me. It's not a healthy cycle and my advice is to avoid it at all possible costs by breaking up. It'll be hard but in the end it will save both of you alot of heartache, pain, and time.
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