where to go with this

[hancock]

First of all i would like to apologize for the long story here

Okay its like this, i have been in a relationship with this girl for 4 and half years now, i was working abroad in Malaysia for the first 2 years and we were together, for the past few years i visited regularly from UK to Malaysia to see and we were talking about now to get married , i would have done this last year but my grandmother passed away it was a traumatic time, but i still went over the latest visit i did was November and i stayed there for 7 weeks till mid Jan, i asked her parents for her their blessing so i could marry her and i did propose when i was there although i know so long overdue and i was still disillusioned from my grandma passing away i still made the effort and took near about 2 months of work to be there to progress things, the relationship has been tough and she is lonely i am lonely, its come to a stage where is due to visit in the next two weeks around the end of April , she booked this trip in March and she was fine she even called my mum on march 14th to wish her happy mothers day, she had a tough week at work around the last week of march then she attended a wedding, something triggered her off as people must have been asking her when the marriage, since beginning of April she now saying she does not feel the same anymore about this relationship she says she has had these bottled up feelings , from the beginning of April i gave her space for a week and then i wrote her a e-mail just opening my heart to her and really telling her that i would do anything, but I did all the stupid stuff like calling her and txt her and sending her flowers. she wrote me a mail and said that she wants to work things through but i can tell she is frustrated in the e-mail and she said that its all words and no actions , thinks i have taken her for granted and why i have taken so long to do the proposal, i would have done this last year but a close family member to me passed away, never the less i made the effort to go over.

 

She was due to fly over on the 28th last week but 3 days before hand she cancelled her flight as she said in her current frame of mind she don’t want to come over like this, i was hoping that she would and that i would have been able to really talk with her and sort things out. I had to make a lot of excuses to my sister and all as they were expecting her. When we talked also she started picking faults in me like and i was like what the hell are u serious. I have been the one making all the trips she visited only once in 2008. I was disappointed with her.

 

 

Last Monday was her last day at work so i think she was kinda stressed about that but she was quitting work because we were going to be doing a business together there and i was ready to move over, we had a talk on the Tuesday last week so i asked her straight and she said to me that she is confused , another guy has been giving her attention so i said do u want to be with him coz i will just leave rite now. I said to her straight is the over now and she could not answer she said its coz we have come along way she cant just give that up, She has asked for a break at the moment which i agreed and said to her take a few weeks to think abt things she said is still thinking about marriage and wants to think it over which i said i understand and that we should meet up after that to really decide. She said she wants to be sure she is marrying the rite person as after that there is no turning back and needs to be sure, i have adopted the no contact rule since last Monday 26th april , blocked her from msn so i don’t get tempted to msg. She has not contacted me at all, but her facebook status still has her saying she is in a relationship and still has our photos there . Should i be in touch a little at least even just a small email to say i respect that you need some time to think and all.

 

I am wanting to fly over on 13th May next week to just go and resolve this, this would have been nearly 3 weeks also, do you think this is plausible, its either we are going to sort this out or we will walk our separate ways. I also have to have this in mind that she may want to just end this, so i don’t build up my hopes . i cant do this over phone its just to much , i think she feels the same way but her thinking is just very confused. I am also a little confused as she says she wants a break and give other ppl a chance but when i say then i cant handle this do u want it to be over she cant give me a answer and then is still wanting to consider marriage. Her brother is getting married this year so this also plays in her mind. The thing is we were all ready for getting this sorted and and she was looking forward to things and now its in limbo, i know that the only way would be to see her face to face and really sort it out that way, i have been patient even despite being treated like a doormat for the last 4 weeks. I would really like some advice on this one please and what to do on this.

[Deeblondie82]

Well.. Im sorta good at giving advice lol but read your thread and had to leave ya something..... you both have had a long time together and seem to have something strong. If she still has her FB page the same may mean she still has them feelings just has things going on. Its been a few weeks, I would contact her and tell her you need to have a conversation about your future. I mean how long will you have to wait till she can make up her mind? I understand people have doubts bout a LDR, doubts are not a good thing. And LDR's will either work if both are willing to work on it or it will just work as friends.. its tough tho. I would just talk to her and find out if she's ready to talk.. I mean if she's going to go back and forth with this I wouldn't be able to take it much longer. I mean it just puts more strain on a relationship. Good luck

[hancock]

Dee, thanks for the reply, this is the thing

I don't want to do LDR anymore I would

either bring her to uk or move over to Malaysia

I want to talk to her but as she requested the

break how long do I wait I said take 3 weeks. Then we

meet up and sort this out, I am wanting to

fly over, I have been doing no contact

rite now, i understand she has to think

but she should at least not be selfish either

and have some decency , she is the one

who said to me that we have a long history

the only way I can get to the bottom of

this is face to face.

[aerogurl87]

Hancock you asked for advice on this girl on an earlier thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t228541/

 

And the general consensus was that you need to let her go. Now that she's cancelled on you, claims another man has shown her attention, and wants space for a few weeks to get her head straight shows that she's either in the process of leaving the relationship or she's trying to let you down easy. Either way, she's gone, maybe she hasn't exactly said it but her actions are saying otherwise. I wouldn't even waste my money on a plane ticket for going to see her. I'm sure if you just stopped talking to her altogether she'd care less, in fact she'd probably be relieved because she wouldn't have to actually come out and say she was dumping you.