hoping4thebest Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted this to another relationship forum as well trying to get best perspective i guess... Hey, only made a few posts here but been thinking about this for a while because it's relevant to my break up. Think it may have been posted/asked here before but can't find the thread. If you broke up with your ex because of depression/insecurities that they were always afraid to face and kept trying to bury them, but you really loved them would you give it another go if they seriously addressed those issues ie. going to counseling etc? if it was the only problem in the relationship i mean.... I know insecurity is a big attraction killer, perhaps the biggest. My ex said if we were to ever get back together it would basically mean i would have to change this jealous/controlling person i had become. and both of these stem obviously from Insecurity. I have started counseling and therapy but it has become less about getting her back and really just about me hating the person i am currently/have become and wanting it to change for my future. so would you take the person back if they made a serious effort to change???
Arabella Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I think most people who are in love with someone and break up because of something like that, would usually take them back at least once if they prove they have changed. However, remember that even if she takes you back, you will be walking on thin ice for a long time. She likely won't trust you right away and will be scrutinizing everything you do for "signs" that you're reverting back. It will take a lot of effort to convince her that the change is genuine and not just a ploy to get her back. I'm currently in a situation like that. I love my ex to death, and I want to be with him... however I don't believe a word he tells me when he says he's changed. In short... actions speak louder than words. Don't tell her you've changed, show it to her, and be patient while she regains her trust in you. Best of luck, Arabella
Author hoping4thebest Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 (edited) Thanks Arabella for the encouragement. She's going to be out of my life for the foreseeable future. She's not cut me off and still replies to my emails/texts, but i told her I'd be disappearing from her life for a few months to start to get myself together. She says the same thing about me changing that you're saying, that she basically doesn't believe it, heard it all before that it's obsolete at this stage. The last contact i had with her was an email i sent her with a few links to articles about depression and insecurity issues. Not an attempt to get sympathy or justify my actions but just so she might be able to get some understanding about why i have been like this for so long. i didn't get a reply but i wasn't expecting one. I've had to deactivate my facebook account because just seeing her new profile picture made me feel totally cr*p and constantly seeing the "single" beside her photo is too much. i removed her as a friend so i wouldn't be able to see her profile when i reactivate the profile in a few months. This facebook stuff brings such a painful dimension to breaking up. I've started counseling and have been told by loads of people to never say "I've changed". I just hope she gives me the opportunity to show it. Edited May 1, 2010 by hoping4thebest
Stephie Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Wow I felt like you were talking about me... My ex left because of the exact same problems I was insecure and unhappy and he got tired of wondering why I was so unhappy and trying to make me happy. He says I'm just like my father an unhappy person and I can't change and there are people out there for me. Its a great feeling when you finally discover where it went wrong. I am also seeking help and doing what I need to do to be the person I use to be not for him for me seeing this person I have become is not me. Anyone can change you just have to be willing to do it and for the right reasons. Good luck and keep the work up and if she doesn't know what a great thing she lost then down the road you will be a better person because of you.
aerogurl87 Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I was in a similar situation with my ex. He was a borderline alcoholic who was also a manic depressant. Thing is he did change, we talked earlier last week and it was like talking to someone entirely different. But the thing you have to realize about people is that when they do change, sometimes it may be for the better but it may put them also on a different path in life. My ex and I are now on two entirely different paths. I wish him luck in life, and hey if a miracle happened who knows we could possibly end up back together, but the odds of that happening are slim.
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