Does a girl really need to know that a guy is valued by other girls before dating him

[Green]

I think this is a case of people confusing cause and effect.

 

First off it in my mind it was more imaturity and perverse pleasure which caused your gf to want you to be hit on by other women to prove she had made a good choice. I've never had this experience with a gf and doubt your next gf will act this way.

 

Second people confuse cause and effect. A man who is good at getting women has a better chance of continuing to do well with women. So, it isn't the fact that he has had or currently has a gf that makes him attractive... its the fact that he is good with women. A guy who rarely has a gf or can't find a gf continues to have problems with women and his track record most likely means he will continue to do bad. So its not the women that make a man attractive but the man himself.

[Citizen Erased]

liar liar liar

You're right. There's nothing more sexy than a guy that has girls hanging off him. Those types are so attractive to me.

[Rhythmic]

I agree it's a deliberate strategy, or a naive perception that it's going to attract more females. Precisely why I personally avoid these guys.

 

It will attract some women. Probably not the kind of women worthy of attracting... I am only speaking personally- that it turns me off. The kind of woman that would be attracted to this won't be a confident, secure, happy woman, that's the bottom line. I leave out intelligence because even smart women lack insight and self worth sometimes.

 

No, you're right- it may work as a magnet for a certain type, I don't disagree. When it comes to meeting men in public, I see a ring and I immediately forget about it.

 

 

 

 

It will attract more than some women.

 

http://www.synergy-pr.com/press/MelissaBurkley,PhD/51/800/0

 

Read the study. YOU are in the minority. Only 10 percent did not show interest in that study.

[Rhythmic]

 

Second people confuse cause and effect. A man who is good at getting women has a better chance of continuing to do well with women. So, it isn't the fact that he has had or currently has a gf that makes him attractive... its the fact that he is good with women. A guy who rarely has a gf or can't find a gf continues to have problems with women and his track record most likely means he will continue to do bad. So its not the women that make a man attractive but the man himself.

 

 

 

http://www.synergy-pr.com/press/MelissaBurkley,PhD/51/800/0

 

 

In this study they provided the same man with the only difference being that he was either single or in a relationship. Yet there is still a drastic difference. There isn't anything that would have shown that the guy was good with women besides the fact that he already had a girlfriend and thus 90 percent of them would have wanted to pursue him.

 

That study controlled for that potential issue from the get go and still got the results.

[sagetalk]

Never even comes to mind to be honest.

 

That's because it's subconscious behavior, you have no idea it's influencing you. Just because you aren't aware of it does not mean it isn't there.

[sagetalk]

In my view, it's much better to find a diamond in the rough than a big fish. The former usually has some humility and gratitude for love, and the latter tends to view it more as disposable.

 

This is excellent advice. Big fish are great, but being disposable hurts real bad.

[Green]

That's because it's subconscious behavior, you have no idea it's influencing you. Just because you aren't aware of it does not mean it isn't there.

 

haha its like asking women if they find men with lots of money attractive... most women on this site would probably say no, not even something they consider... doesn't mean it is reality.

 

But seriously I think the truth is a man who is good with women has a proven track record so continues to be good with women. If you took a man who was poor with women and changed nothing about him and had a group of 3 dedicated women love him I doub't he would do any better with new women unless he gained new confidence.

[carhill]

A guy who rarely has a gf or can't find a gf continues to have problems with women and his track record most likely means he will continue to do bad. So its not the women that make a man attractive but the man himself.

 

So, that accepted, what explains the power of the ring (as in the wedding band) as related by myself and other men here on LS? If, as another impolite poster put it, I was/am such a disaster with women, why would so many be approaching me while married? They like disasters? The essence of the man is unchanged; he merely has signed a marriage license and wears a plain gold band. What is the attraction?

 

We were talking last night over beers and BBQ and my perennially single, never married, quite attractive male friend lamented somewhat humorously, upon hearing about another party goer's story of his new girlfriend, that 'I guess I might do better with the ladies if I were homeless', a reference to the other guy's current situation, being thrice divorced and currently 'between' domiciles. Obviously, being married three times means he got three women to marry him, no small feat, but does that social proof outweigh the three failures (divorces) in the mind of the accepting women he now pursues? Do they find that dynamic more attractive than the stable, never-married bachelor of the same age? Interesting.

 

Knowing both the men in the story well, the one clear difference between the two wrt women is that the never-married guy is very selective about whom he dates and the thrice divorced guy will have sex with anything that moves and is female (and has admitted it openly). Is that a factor? Do women 'feel' that and respond subconsciously?

[Green]

social proof is interesting. Its like with a sports team. Being on the sports team doesn't make you good at sports, you have to be good to make the team (usualy)... but if you are on the team and not good women will think you made the team because you are good so they will find you attractive for being on the team even if you arn't good because normaly only people who are good make the team or that atleast what they think.

[PJKino]

social proof is interesting. Its like with a sports team. Being on the sports team doesn't make you good at sports, you have to be good to make the team (usualy)... but if you are on the team and not good women will think you made the team because you are good so they will find you attractive for being on the team even if you arn't good because normaly only people who are good make the team or that atleast what they think.

 

If women didnt find social proof/popularity attractive then guys on sport teams wouldnt have as much women throwing themslves on them just for being on that team..

 

I mean forget even the phenomenon of pro athlete groupies which is huge just college athletes even if theyre not the top guys get women throwing thmeslves at them..

 

My cousin was a bench player on a college baseball team and told me stories of crazed women waiting for him and his teammates after games to have wild sex romps..And this isnt the same few women every time this is most of the female college campus who particapted in these things at one time or another

 

Popularity/proof whatever u want to call it has always been huge with women..If somethign is popular wheter its a Man clothing hairstyle physique whatever allot of women want it or be apart of it to feel validated and part of the in crowd...

[Green]

If women didnt find social proof/popularity attractive then guys on sport teams wouldnt have as much women throwing themslves on them just for being on that team..

 

I mean forget even the phenomenon of pro athlete groupies which is huge just college athletes even if theyre not the top guys get women throwing thmeslves at them..

 

My cousin was a bench player on a college baseball team and told me stories of crazed women waiting for him and his teammates after games to have wild sex romps..And this isnt the same few women every time this is most of the female college campus who particapted in these things at one time or another

 

Popularity/proof whatever u want to call it has always been huge with women..If somethign is popular wheter its a Man clothing hairstyle physique whatever allot of women want it or be apart of it to feel validated and part of the in crowd...

 

Yes but the team represents athletic strong men. So, your lucky if you get to have some of that rub off on you. Even if your on the bench though you probably have to train and be in shape... and even if you are not in shape being on the team still represents being in shape. Social proof is a funny thing when you think about it though.

[PJKino]

Yes but the team represents athletic strong men. So, your lucky if you get to have some of that rub off on you. Even if your on the bench though you probably have to train and be in shape... and even if you are not in shape being on the team still represents being in shape. Social proof is a funny thing when you think about it though.

 

Perhaps but i just think women always want to be part of something popular everyone wants..That's why most stuff on tv and in the media is marketed towards women..

 

Men arent like that in that if a women is on a sports team or part of whatever group or has a certain amount of fame it isnt gonna make her anymore attractive to most Men, either the man's attracted to her or not..Its interesting how being apart of something that shows popularity/proof is much more important to women then Men as a whole..

[Ruby Slippers]

Popularity/proof whatever u want to call it has always been huge with women.

But this is true for men, too. The times in my life when I was the most socially active and had the most dynamic social circle, I got the most interest from the most desirable men. And I always get more attention when I am in a relationship.

 

There are a lot of forces at play here -- confidence, the ease to your demeanor which comes with "not looking", level of happiness, and so on.

[PJKino]

But this is true for men, too. The times in my life when I was the most socially active and had the most dynamic social circle, I got the most interest from the most desirable men. And I always get more attention when I am in a relationship.

 

There are a lot of forces at play here -- confidence, the ease to your demeanor which comes with "not looking", level of happiness, and so on.

 

Believe me its not that important with Men..Of course the times when your most socially active youll find soemody as oppoded to sitting in a house but popularity/proof isnt at the top of most dudes lists in finding a women..

[Ruby Slippers]

Believe me its not that important with Men..Of course the times when your most socially active youll find soemody as oppoded to sitting in a house but popularity/proof isnt at the top of most dudes lists in finding a women..

It's not at the top of women's lists, either, as most in the thread have agreed. Rather, both men and women are unconsciously drawn to people in high demand.

 

It's the same with business. Right now, my biz is booming and I am having to turn clients away or make them wait. It only riles them up more to work with me. They are nicer to me and offering to pay me more because I am in high demand.

[PJKino]

It's not at the top of women's lists, either, as most in the thread have agreed. Rather, both men and women are unconsciously drawn to people in high demand.

 

It's the same with business. Right now, my biz is booming and I am having to turn clients away or make them wait. It only riles them up more to work with me. They are nicer to me and offering to pay me more because I am in high demand.

 

I guess but it doesnt nothing for me though..

 

If theres a women i feel no attraction or spark to if i see numerous guys talk about how hot she is and how attracted to her they are it wont make me give her a second look..