colliejoanie Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Ex, As I sit here, after midnight on a Friday night, drinking hot tea and listening to Lucinda Williams, I am keeping myself from crying. I am so lonely, yet I know I'm doing the right thing for me, for you, and for our little girl. I loved you once. I loved your smile, your playfullness, how excited you got about the smallest things. I loved it when you loved me. I loved how you looked at me. I loved how you kissed my nose. I loved our dreams. I loved our future. But now, everything has been shattered. You hurt me. You hit me. But deeper than that, you killed me. Somehow along the way I let you think you could continue to do it. Somehow I let myself think I deserved it. I'm still struggling with thinking that it was actually no big deal, as you've told me so many times. I truly never want to see you again....unless and until I can get some help with my thoughts. I HAVE to believe with utmost convinction that I never deserved to be treated that way.....I don't believe that right now, and seeing you again, I know I'd listen to your explainations and your promises of how much you love me and our daughter and everything can change. And when that times comes that I do have to face you, I will be strong enough, and love myself enough to see you for who you are. A manipulative, irresponsible, immature, mean man who is not capable of love.....not the way I want to be loved. Or the way I want my daughter to learn love. I know you're out there, acting as though none of this happened. Blaming me for you going to jail. On one hand, it kills me to think about you continuing on with life, while I'm broken and lonely. On the other, I'm so happy to be so in love with my daughter that leaving her is unbearable....so I look forward to being home by myself with her every night. I know I'm doing the right thing. Continuing to be strong is going to be the struggle......not that I even consider going back to you or contacting you in any way.....the strong I'm talking about is keeping my thoughts about myself strong. Knowing with all certainaty I did and will continue to do the right thing. Please leave me alone. Somehow, you saw the thing in me that makes me weak......and you exploited it. You couldn't have loved me. People don't do that to people they love. I will be fine. I'll get through this.....and I'll write another letter (if I have the desire) when I'm on the other side of this tornado. I'll no longer be hurt.....I'll no longer be lonely. I'll no longer think of you.
MrSandman Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 It has been so long for me to break myself from an abuser. It took my 13 year-old son taken from our house in handcuffs for standing up to her that motivated me. He will never be unsafe again
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