IAintSayin Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Short version: I'm just out of a 16 yr marriage and recently met a girl on an online dating site. We dated for about 3 weeks. Lots of calls, texts and emails during that time. On our last date we had sex but she is the one who brought it up. I like this girl and although I still wanted to see her again, being fresh out of a marriage, I still wanted to see who was out there too. A few days after our last date, she emails me several emails and is really mad about the fact that I continued to look at singles sites after having sex with her. We never talked about being "exclusive". She quickly came back and sent me an email apologizing over and over, saying she had no right to do that, etc. I told her I accepted her apology and forgave her, but didn't know what to think of her emails, and that being of out of this marriage, of course I'm going to see who is out there. I was honest about it. A few days later she texts saying she was trying to resist texting me, but wanted to know if it was still ok if she talked to me. I told her sure, but honestly the emails had me weirded out. She said she knew that and had been sick over the way she treated me. She said she could explain, but didn't want to try by text/email, and besides, she owed me an apology in person. I know that during the week that this happened, her married boss was coming onto her at work and she quit her job. I know it caused a lot of stress for her. I guess my question is, do I give her a 2nd chance and go out with her again, or do I just break things off? Am I supposed to think this was her normal reaction to things or is could it really be stress?
Ronni_W Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Am I supposed to think this was her normal reaction to things or is could it really be stress? Even if it was stress, she still did a piss-poor job of coping with it! On top of projecting it onto you...someone she's known for only about 3 weeks, and had sex with once. In any case, being under stress is NOT any excuse to mistreat anyone for any reason. Crap happens, life is sometimes stressful. Personally, I'd just cut bait - she sounds a bit too high drama, and it's pro'ly wise to assume that it more accurately reflects her 'normal'. Err on the side of caution, in this case.
hoping4thebest Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 i think ronni might be a little quick to jump the gun.... all you can do is talk to the woman. lay some boundries and explain that you like her but cannot accept that type of behaviour in any way. Then say if it happens again thats the end. Be strong and stick to it.
and.then.some Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I agree with hoping4thebest, but say that you should be on the look out for future behavior like this. Is she on the rebound, or just coming out of a relationship herself? Usually, men and women relate differently to sex. You may say that exclusivity was never mentioned, but in my experiences, after sex it just sort of happened. It's good that you were honest with her, but did you explain your intentions to her before hand? Did you tell her "I'm just dating, and am not looking for a serious relationship right now", or something to that effect? I agree that it is mature for women to get those questions out of the way, but men can't expect that every woman will simply understand, without having these things explained before hand. Of course, that's all just assuming you hadn't explained to her beforehand. If you did, and she slept with you knowing that you weren't looking for a serious relationship, then just watch her behavior closely. However, if she's already put a sour taste in your mouth don't string her along. Even if she apologized for over reacting, it seems from what you posted here that you're looking for different things right now. See what she has to say, let her know how you feel about things, etc. Could it simply be a stress response? Yes. Is it indicative of the way she always deals with stress? Not necessarily. I think it depends on what all is going on in her life, possibly some things you're not aware of. I wouldn't look at one bad instance, but rather a habit in order to make such a judgment. Yet, if you're already expecting the worse, or feeling that you need to keep a serious distance from this one, then why waste your time or hers? Just be honest.
CLC2008 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 I think and.then.some's made some good points... In this case, it's a possibility that she may have felt as though you were being honest about it (what you wrote in your initial post) AFTER the fact and perhaps is what caused her reaction. I think it gets tricky if/when you see the same person consistently, talk to them often/regulary, etc., combined with being physically intimate, all of that combined gives the impression that it's not casual. It might be good to mention on your dating profile that you are just fresh out of a marriage and looking to get yourself back out there (something to that effect). Potential dates will then have a better understanding in that you are still processing the loss of your last relationship, and at this stage in your life, prefer/desire dating casually.
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