vahna Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Ive been dating this man for 2 months..everything is perfect.. no complaints. however, i couldn't make it out tonight for his friends party at some club and he's there with a female friend that hes known waaay before me, and he's getting drunk.. he's texting me and letting me know, but im still a little scared. Is it possible for a man to stay faithful even drunk? hes been honest with me about where he is and who hes with.... ive just never been through this before.
carhill Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Sure, even when one of my stbx's girlfriend's was squeezing my ass while the three of us posed for a picture, I remained faithful, even when she vomited out the misery of her marriage while we were alone. Trust yourself to know that you're worth being faithful to. You have no control over him. If you've known each other two months, you hardly know each other. The friend in the above story had known me for 12 years and stbx 20. Still didn't matter. Boundaries are boundaries. If he has none, you'll know soon enough. Still doesn't impact your value and worth. What do you want? Does it seem reasonable? If it were you out getting drunk with one of your old male friends, how would you want him to process this? Think about that....
Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Wow.. it's only been 2 months.. how do you know you're 'exclusive'.. he might think you're not and you're both allowed to date other people..
Author vahna Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 Wow.. it's only been 2 months.. how do you know you're 'exclusive'.. he might think you're not and you're both allowed to date other people.. Because he asked me to be his girlfriend two months ago, and he told me I had nothing to worry about..ever.
Bejita463 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Because he asked me to be his girlfriend two months ago, and he told me I had nothing to worry about..ever. Have his actions shown you that you have anything to worry about?
D-Lish Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Have his actions shown you that you have anything to worry about? I wanted to ask the same question. It's all about the actions!
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 It depends on the man, simple as that, You have jerks who tell women one thing and then do something else justifying it, then you have humble guys that are just satisfied by one women, then you have guys that fallin the middle, it could go either way.
Green Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I think the more important questions are if it is possible for him to keep proper boundaries. I say as long as he is never alone with this girl he has kept proper boundaries. If him and this girl hang out alone then that would be like cheating.
Citizen Erased Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Never thought my ex would, yet he did. I knew him for 4 years before that, closely. It is impossible to know if, under what circumstances, somebody will do that so it's useless driving yourself crazy over it. I'm still of the opinion that my guy should be trusted until his actions start telling me otherwise. Has your bf actually done anything that would suggest he would? Apart from hanging out with someone of the opposite sex and drinking...
Woman In Blue Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Is it possible for a man to stay faithful even drunk? I think probably 98% of men are only as honest as their options.
ADF Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I think probably 98% of men are only as honest as their options. No, no, no. That removes from men almost all responsibility for their actions. They have a saying in Mexico, "Asi son los hombres. (That's just how men are)." Don't you believe it. We are human being who make choices, not dogs following their instincts.
TwoForgiving Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Although I would love to believe that men accepted the responsibility as you stated, most of the men I have met in my life are of the type to only be as "honest as their options" as Woman in Blue stated. It just seems that men have a hell of a harder time making an emotional connection and remaining faithful to their partners.
ann09 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 As hard as it is, you have to let go of this fear and control over him. The worst thng you can do is not trust him....if he's never given you a reason to doubt him. Yes, men can be faithful. They're not dogs who have to get their fill of whatever is in their sight. Men too have feelings and emotions. I believe there are as many women out there that cheat - so not sure why only men get bad raps with this subject. The "bad ones" out there ruin it for the good ones. But I've become a true believer that the more we "let go" and trust....the better the outcome. Nothing is more unattractive than a jealous girlfriend/spouse.
ADF Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Although I would love to believe that men accepted the responsibility as you stated, most of the men I have met in my life are of the type to only be as "honest as their options" as Woman in Blue stated. It just seems that men have a hell of a harder time making an emotional connection and remaining faithful to their partners. Oh, no arguement there at all. What I meant was that men's infidelity shouldn't be excused on the grounds that it is their nature to be unfaithful. That was my only point.
ICouldSayTheSame Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Like people have said, some men will cheat like some women will cheat. There's good and bad everywhere. Even if this girl liked your guy, that doesn't necessarily mean he'd do anything. I am not the sort of person to cheat. No matter how drunk I am, it just wouldn't happen. I can't even cheat in my dreams. Your boyfriend might be like that too. If his actions are loving and not devious, chances are he won't cheat. Try sitting with him and just letting him know that you would prefer it if he didn't spend time alone with other girls. Alone time creates an 'intimate atmosphere' and that's when cheating is most likely to occur with people that wouldn't normally cheat. Then ask him if there's any boundries he'd like you to stick to. At the end of the day, yes, he's his own person and you can't control him, like he can't control you. But there's no harm in speaking about boundries you'd like each other to keep, especially if you want this relationship to be a long term one. I'm getting a little skeptical of my girlfriend's actions lately and I keep meaning to tell her a boundry I'd like her to keep. It doesn't mean your controlling, it just means you want there to be respect between you. If all else fails, just look him in the eye, ask him how the evening went and if his pupils start dilating, or he darts his eyes a little, that's the time to start asking questions. Learning simple body language will help control some of your worries and insecurities, but communication and honesty is the key in any relationship.
Woman In Blue Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 No, no, no. That removes from men almost all responsibility for their actions. They have a saying in Mexico, "Asi son los hombres. (That's just how men are)." Don't you believe it. We are human being who make choices, not dogs following their instincts. My statement that "men are only as honest as their options" simply means I believe most would cheat if given the opportunity and were relatively assured they could get away with it. I'm not excusing them at all, just being realistic. I think most have a tendency to think with their little heads, not their big ones. We ALL possess the ability to make intelligent choices - but most won't make the intelligent choice.
shadowofman Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 They absolutely can. They don't tend to. Most would prefer to not have to.
ICouldSayTheSame Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I believe most would cheat if given the opportunity and were relatively assured they could get away with it. That is a completely stupid and untrue statement. Studies show women are more likely to cheat than men.* So if "most men would cheat if given the opportunity", then what does that say about women? *Proof: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article77126.ece
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