GreenEyedLady Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Even in a no fault divorce, proving adultery can give the betrayed spouse an advantage if they are entitled to alimony in one of the states that have those laws in place. By law the judge can take the adultery into consideration, but of course as you said, adultery is very hard to actually prove. In California which is a no-fault state, alimony is determined by a formula, whether you are the betrayed or not. In my case I was the betrayed and I had to pay alimony for 1/2 the duration of our M. The State of California does not care who did what or with whom. There is no advantage. However, there are sneaky people who don't want to get divorced who scare their spouse into a settlement by threatening exposure etc. But a settlement does not involve a judgement by anyone, it is an agreement between parties. And that is the only advantage if one party feels particularly guilty or like extracting revenge. GEL
Mimolicious Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 He only knows what is a stake for him. It could be material, sentimental or his pride and joy Harley jacket that can be shredded to pieces... every situation is different but bottom line is something is stopping him on his tracks. Isn't it bad enough to partly live as an alternate choice, yet the day comes and you are still not his priority?!
OWoman Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 OW, listen to what I'm saying. I really think there's a reason I'm with my H. And it's because I didn't go along with what he wanted in his time frame and I didn't follow anyone else's rules or let anyone else tell me how I should act or feel. I demanded respect. And so should everyone else in their R. If you're not getting respect at any stage during your R - while the MM is still MM, after the MM is newly separated, while the MM is busy with a D, etc - why should you get respect at any later stage? You create the dynamics, and you cast those in stone, by what you agree to and what you put up with.
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